View Full Version : June's Journalberry

4th June 2015, 06:32 PM
June 4th, 2015

I never thought to do this, but it seems like it might be a good idea. Though I probably have a lot of journals as I think of it...But I'm a ditz. I've always been one, and as a clumsy, ditzy person, I'm just gonna accept the idea I might have a lot of these across the net and make one anyway. Because I don't remember where the rest are. If I didn't have my computer showing me the date, I'd probably forget it was June. [Oh hey! June! My name! xD]

My girlfriend's birthday is this month. I'm still struggling to write a poem for her card. I always do that- make derpy comics with poems of some sort in them as makeshift cards. I have two weeks left. I should probably hurry...

But today's just an annoying day, ne? My dad ordered an arm sling/shoulder brace of sorts from the pharmacy yesterday. It won't be available until tomorrow, even though they told us today would work. I missed an appointment with my new neurologist- a starting appointment. And I STILL haven't heard back from the pain management clinic about starting with them. Seriously, why hasn't she called me back? Is she uncertain since she treats my dad? But...But...ugh ;-;

Oh, and dad may or may not have severe problems right now because he's on a huge ton of medication including two new ones. He's not sure what the cause is, but he's decided to stop the diet aid now. Which I'm sorta glad for but at the same time I still worry. But...At least he's not fainting or anything. That'd be a bad trip down memory lane...

Er...BAD ME. STOP BEING DEPRESSING. This may be a journal, but I'd rather not depress myself later when I reread this. Soooo...Um...Happy thoughts time?

1. Restarted coming on here! Yaaay! Maybe this is a new chapter in life? Or...something?
2. Debating making a page for myself on Facebook. Like an artist's page. I already have an account, that's separate. >w< It's just likely wayyy easier to have just one page for all my stuff than making pages for separate projects.
3. My newest project is so far going smoothly. I'm getting good input from readers and friends. Daiki's getting lots of hugs. xD
4. A new Harvest Moon game was announced that'll be on PC! This is a whole new era of excitement!
5. I'm hoarding nifty stuff on DA that's meant to be used in Manga Studio 5 in case I ever get it. I wish I could find more comipo stuff, though...

5th June 2015, 12:40 AM
It's been a while June, what sort of projects are you working on these days?
Drawings, writings? Could we have see/read a sample?

6th June 2015, 05:37 PM
I'm sure you're better than you think at poetry. You'd have to give me a month to write something. I'm sure it'll be fine. Ah, so the health service there is just as unreliable as here? Sorry to hear about what's going on. I know all about waiting a long time for a call back. =/ Anyway, journals are journals, don't worry about venting or ranting, seriously.

There's no reason why you shouldn't create that Facebook page. In addition, make use of the Starwind & Hawking forum. To reiterate Asher's post, I'd like to see your projects and give feedback! Also, every so often there are Comipo deals on Steam. I almost got Manga Maker once, but decided to pass.

7th June 2015, 12:54 AM
June 6th, 2015

I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to chat in the journal, so...Looks like it's time to send some PMs, since now i have things to say to people directly! GASP!

And today was an okay day. I did almost forget what year it was two seconds ago, but...It was nice and uneventful otherwise. I haven't gotten much done, but I've had a lot of support lately and it makes me happy. Now...If dad's shoulder would heal faster, that'd be nice. So, so nice...But he should be fine tomorrow. Which means tomorrow, we see my grandmother for another BBQ to celebrate her successful surgery!

My uncle is going away soon. I mean, for a month, out of the country. He's visiting his relatives in Israel, but because he usually does most of the work helping my grandmother, I'm sorta worried. On the other hand, she's gonna be taking a couple weeks across the country visiting other relatives too during that time...But...Considering my uncle called us just to get out of being badgered by his girlfriend and my granny...I can't help but wonder if there's a lot of tension from all the change right now. o.o;

But at least my uncle gets to see his grandbaby! I wanna see the baby too. :c

7th June 2015, 02:40 AM
You're sort of right. It's been three years so I forgot about the rules somewhat. However, you are allowed to respond to others' comments as long as your next post afterwards is another journal entry. Yeah, if it turns into a chat it's probably best to take it to PM.

I hope you enjoy the BBQ. I'm so goddamn jelly. My parents never do anything and they haven't had a BBQ in probably nearly a decade. It's been almost that long since I've been to one. :( Interesting entry and I look forward to the next!

8th June 2015, 05:10 PM
June 8th, 2015

So...I realized this morning when I woke up, "HEY IT'S THAT GUY'S BIRTHDAY!" and proceeded to realize I haven't heard from him in our email chat for like two months. By 'this guy', of course, I'm talking about my long term friend/ex-boyfriend from childhood. We've been friends since we were ten. We're [awkward] friends now. We chat a lot in email, or were...And he suddenly disappeared. Considering our last email was about trying to get him to stop working himself to the bone, it sorta makes me worry. But he might've also just forgotten or something. Meh. I'll just leave it.

Unfortunately, I couldn't go to the BBQ at my grandmother's yesterday, and it seemed to cause a problem with her. See, it seems my grandmother had a fight with my aunt [who she's supposed to visit next month/later this month]. And then, because dad's in worse shape from the medicine problems and taking his chemotherapy [FUN FACT: the chemotherapy drug Methotrexate is used for more than just cancer. It's also great for autoimmune diseases like psoriatic arthritis!]...So he was stuck in bed all day, and I was exhausted from an anxiety attack and stuff.

I've come to hate the neighbors Roomba, guys. My bed is a mattress on the floor, and when it's running in the middle of the night, it's sound gets through the walls to under my bed and makes it sound like rats are scurrying around under my pillow. It's freaky as hell. Saturday night, I couldn't sleep for HOURS because it was scaring me. I moved my pillows around a bunch to try to make sure nothing was there. I think I lifted my mattress too. Besides the usual dust, no bugs or mice or raccoons in sight. Seriously roomba. SOUND LIKE SOMETHING ELSE. *cries*

Well, today's an easy day at least. Going to the doctor for our usual check up...Gonna ask him about his input on CFS [chronic fatigue syndrome] since it's suuuper similar to Fibromyalgia and seems like it'd fit just as much, if not more, for us. I mean, I read the conditions info on the government site...It's like they were just writing down half my life in a list. Literally, I'm the textbook definition of CFS. Now if it just didn't mimic Fibromyalgia so closely...Dangit. ;-; Oh well. Either way, it makes me feel less annoyed at my balance problems. [Wait, no it doesn't].

Oh. And I forgot my own anosmia today and tried to smell some of my laundry to see if it was clean or not. You know you're out of it when you forget you can't smell and go for it anyway expecting something. Congenital Anosmia, I thought I was used to you, but apparently 23 years isn't enough time to keep in mind that smelling stuff isn't gonna happen. But at least it doesn't change my gigglefits at the Mr. Sketch commercials with the blueberry farting to make blueberry scented markers?

Something amazing happened this afternoon. I finally got my prize from a contest that was like last year that I've been waiting on due to the whole 'needing the steam version of ComiPo thing'. Now i can make some fantasy stuff on Steam <3

13th June 2015, 08:59 PM
June 13th, 2015

My uncle is officially leaving for Israel tonight, and sadly, dad and I didn't get to go say goodbye...So I won't be seeing him for at least a month. But, it's good for him to go. After all, that's where his family [including his adorable granddaughter, my newest/youngest cousin] is. I just hope he got to say bye to my youngest older cousin who lives here in the states first. His only son and he have always been close. I was close with him too, but...It's been a long time since I've had the urge to call him 'big brother'. ^^;

My dad found our old TENS/STEM unit the other day, and he's been using it a lot for his arm that is still troubling. We realized part of the problem may be hormonal though. Joking aside, I do seriously think he has a sort of 'sympathetic' period related to mine, sorta like how when my mom was pregnant with me, he had similar symptoms due to sympathetic pregnancy. So...Sorry dad, you got your period with me. Oops. [But he seriously always knows before me when I'm getting mine. It's both convenient and worrying...]

Two days ago now, I started playing a new game, compliments of OSN's lovely admin Mantis. Yep, Mantis is so nice he gave me a game to play [and we can play together sometimes now too]! It's strangely addictive. I'm finally taking a break to work on writing some prep details for July. Because you know what July is...Oh, you don't do you? Since you're a journal I just started. Woops. July is CAMP NANOWRIMO! It's like NaNoWriMo, but more relaxed, and twice a year. And I'm super excited for this year. I'm gonna try to see if I can get OSN friends to join in too- I'm getting one of my other writing friends who never felt comfortable trying to do it. And I'm so excited!!!

Well, games are fun and useful, though. I have so many ideas from playing Orange Juice. Like a little thief-like character [who I'm totally gonna have be a really young looking older lady/older man that likes to pretend their an elementary schooler or something]. It'll be funny writing a wanted poster for them. But first I should really get the setting down. And maybe, y'know, not procrastinate on the characters so much. Kelly may be ready but...Rikuo and Aylen are pretty pissed I've ignored them for so long.

Anywho...Also should get some comicking done. What should I torture Daiki with next...

Later lovely journal and journal readers x3

18th June 2015, 02:49 AM
June 17th, 2015

It was my girlfriend's birthday today. Yep! Major deal to me, for a lot of reasons. But...I only sent her her card via Steam now [it's a comic with a beyond-corny poem that I almost regret sending at all. Just looking at it makes me cringe. BUT I MEANT WELL SERIOUSLY. But the corniness of it...Ugh]. It's about 11PM my time on her birthday...So at least it was her birthday :D But...Her computer started lagging soon afterwards, so I haven't gotten her reaction yet. Ugh. I'm so nervous. WHY AM I SO NERVOUS.

Uh, right, anyway...Um...Hormones are back to more normal standards. So no more hating my hormones for now. Buuut I missed getting to see the new psychiatrist today. I plan to call tomorrow to have the special car service I get free with my insurance to bring me [and my dad, who has an appointment with him at the same time]. Hopefully that'll make dad more inclined to go since part of his problem was being out of it from food poisoning [and the other major part: agoraphobia].

But yeah. We both had some food poisoning today. Our turkey went bad. I mean, cold cut turkey. We got it a few days ago and it was already bad apparently. So yeah. That explains some of the gut ickiness.

On the bright side...Having fun online was the same and awesome as usual. And look at all the new people on OSN today! :D

Here's to hoping the message I'm getting on FB from my girlfriend right now is a good sign about the card. Hoping.

1st July 2015, 01:46 PM
July 1st, 2015

I don't journal enough. If I did, maybe I'd remember things like how I have naturally low blood pressure...and that part of my caffeine addiction was because I needed it to not be constantly dizzy. It might also help my anxiety. But no, I stopped journaling a lot again. And all I got for it was a random panic attack from agoraphobia...Because I had to go to my therapist!?

Yep. Yesterday sucked. I was fine on Monday. I got called to get a reminder 'hey you have to come in for therapy' and I was totally fine with it. Yesterday, I was totally fine...Until around 1:30 when it was time to get ready to go. Then, it started. Shakes, shivers, my heart racing...I started bawling like a baby and I just couldn't calm down! It took dad a few hours to get me calm enough to take a nap to let it wash away [because with panic attacks, even if I finally stop crying an hour later, it'll just magically start up again within a few minutes]. I think I slept until around 10PM...Then I woke up, watched some TV and passed out by 2AM again for like six hours.

I'm okay today though! Today I'm fine. I mean, my dizziness was way worse than yesterday [and it was bad, yesterday]...But dad pointed out I stopped drinking soda [because we ran out] and that might be the cause. And what's funny is I was totally confused! He literally had to point out, "You do realize you have low blood pressure naturally right? That's why the caffeine helped?" ...Then it hit me like a ton of bricks and he gave me half a pill of caffeine so it was like about a cup of coffee worth [because blargh coffee]. And now? I don't feel like the world is spinning insanely fast an hour later! :D I also managed to write almost a thousand words of novel for Camp. Not quite a thousand yet, but I'M GETTING THERE. And it feels totally awesome.

...And just think. Soon, I get to torture these characters constantly. That'll be fun. Because if you didn't already know, I'm totally sadistic when it comes to the little people in my head I call 'characters'. I'll take all the pent up stress from yesterday's panic attack on them soon enough~.

Well, time to go lurk OSN instead of writing. I'm so good at staying productive...not.

1st July 2015, 06:18 PM
I'm sorry to hear about yesterday and it's good you're feeling fine today! :) Keep working on that novel and let us know how it's going. (I'm demanding this, so you'll stay productive!)

1st July 2015, 09:01 PM
Actually, my dad just talked to me earlier and said he may have found the trigger for yesterday: Atmospheric changes. In our general area, a huuuuge storm came in with hail and thunder and winds. The thunderstorm watch started like ten minutes before my panic attack did, and though my area was juuuust outside the general area of the storm, we got hail in the wee hours while I was conked out from emotional exhaustion. xD

And I should totally post snippets of my novel. I have almost a thousand words [need to work harder but then libreoffice went 'no no writing for you right now' xD]. I'll try to update regularly though :D

9th July 2015, 01:02 PM
July 9th, 2015

Time to be super duper emotional, journal-san! No, it's not because I'm on my period [for now]. It's because my mommy issues are back. Which, after reading that sentence...I wonder if my period might be better? o.O

Yesterday wasn't bad. It wasn't. Albeit I had a panic attack before going to my neurologist because a sudden and heavy thunderstorm hit us, I still got there! Doctor said my caffeine use for my migraines was probably /causing/ them to a degree at this point and wants me to slowly get off it [this includes soda, then the fioricet which has two things to be addicted to >>]. But, to be careful, he also gave me a new...antidepressant. Apparently, some tricyclics are used just like some seizure meds are used: to prevent migraines. So yep. Low dose of another antidepressant now. Right now though, I wish it helped depression...

So last night was all fun and games. But then, I did what turned out to be chaotic: I checked my email. Yep, my email has hurt me today, folks. But why did it hurt? Well..I got an email from my mother. My mom left when I was eight. We barely talk at all [the most we ever did talk was once or twice a year]. She lied for three-four years saying she planned on coming home at the beginning, but she had gone to rehab and told my dad only a week into it that she found her trigger was to be a wife and mother. Yep, I'm an abandoned child by my mother. But my dad makes up for it! But mom suddenly emailing me...Isn't something I'm comfy with still.

But so she emailed me. She emailed me just to ask for my social security number [yes, that totally sounds motherly. not.]. So I bugged dad and asked him for support. He helped me come up with a reply...which was mostly just asking her questions about herself, like where she was living now and what kind of work she was doing. Oh, and why she wanted my social security number. Her reply is something to do with her insurance at work? I haven't been on her health insurance in YEARS. like before I was an adult years. So how did this happen?

Well anyway, not gonna believe her yet. But I needed to whine about this sudden insanity. Today will be a good day though! It's nice and cool outside [albeit humid, again], so dad said we might go get our car inspected today. If so, I just hope the humidity doesn't keep fogging up my glasses xD But...If not, I'll probably go back to playing with the new nifty software Mantis gave me. Nii-chan's always so nice to me. I know so many nice people :D That definitely makes up for my mother issues.

Anyway, off to play. Later, journal-san.

12th July 2015, 04:07 AM
July 11th, 2015

Well, I may have dated this wrong since it's nearly midnight...But at least today was a pretty good day! Sure, things went from okay to sour to horrid on Thursday. But today definitely made up for it tenfold. The good things that happened on Thursday include our car finally passing inspection [yay, no more fear of going on the road...er, not as much. I still hate cars >:c]. We had a pretty good time hanging out with my grandmother too. Oh, and have I mentioned my new medicine for preventing migraines? So far, I think it's working. It's hard to say with the rebound headaches from trying to cut down my caffeine and fioricet but...I think I'm getting somewhere! Addiction sucks, but...I prefer it over dealing with mommy issues. Which I had most of the later part of the week. Oh, and then my aunt that no one in our family likes came and caused trouble. BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT ANYMORE. Seriously. I'm trying to stop thinking about it. Oops.

But today, guess what? I went to my grandmother's again, for the second time in a week. This, friends, has not happened in years. Usually, we barely get to go weekly at all- biweekly is a most plausible, if even, occurrence. It's not that she lives far away. It's probably only half an hour by car. But with dad's health as awkward as it is and our anxiety having been overwhelming from the car lately...Well, it's pretty amazing we got two days so near each other. But we weren't the only ones visiting today. She had a friend over. And her friend was pretty neat!

So we had a really nice meal at her place today. As usual, my grandmother showed off her 'stereotypical [Jewish] grandmother' need of shoving ten thousand pounds of food in your face and assuming that's not enough. Seriously, we probably had enough food set up for six or seven people. We even noticed at clean up that one extra place setting had accidentally been put out instead of the four we needed [seriously, it's not Passover anymore! Why did we set a place for Elijah? ...Note, this is a Passover joke that you won't get if you don't know much about the holiday. Feel free to inquire if you're bored. But it's a dumb joke. Very dumb.]

We were gonna watch a movie, but the lot of us ended up playing a couple hours of card games instead. Nanny's friend taught us lot how to play Gin Rummy- and unlike when Nanny tried to teach us bridge [never, ever plan on letting her try again. No offense to my granny but...Ergh. Just thinking about it hurts my head!]...It was really simple to learn, and pretty fun too. We were chatting a lot, so it was a slow set of six games [all of which I lost]...And my grandmother kept forgetting my dad's turn to the point he actually started using her attempt to pick a card up before he went as a signal for his turn [and to swat at her hand]. But there was so much laughter to laugh I think I cried and choked myself a couple times from it. Can't lose when you're having fun, right?

So...As stupid as I thought it was that I ate two burgers and a slice of chicken from the grill [yes, I'm a pig]...Dad and I randomly stupidly went to mcdonalds on the way home. Yes. AFTER THAT TEN POUNDS OF FOOD. We are dumb. We admit it. We both regret it already. But either way, that Big Mac was delicious, and thanks to some weird game thing they're doing again...We have a free burger and sundae comin' our way this month. Funny enough, I wanted to order an ice cream, but they had run out of ice cream. Now, I'll get the ice cream I almost had to pay for...for free!

Alas, it's already tomorrow as I hit enter. But instead of sleeping like a busy bee should at midnight, I'm off to play some Orange Juice. I want more stars. So I can buy colors. So I can be derpier than ever. YAY!

14th July 2015, 10:05 PM
July 14th, 2015

Today's been a mostly good day. Sure, I haven't been productive...But I haven't had a migraine or even a rebound headache today it seems like! This is a miracle drug, I think, this new antidepressant. A MIRACLE I TELL YOU. Though, I have pain everywhere else. My legs hate me today. Might be from doing way more activity than usual the past few days. I'm not really sure. But at least something good's going on, right? And tomorrow, I'll be seeing my new psychiatrist [hopefully] which is going to be helpful. And on thursday, my case manager is taking me to see what's going on at the physical therapy place I need to go to for aquatherapy and stuff eventually. So lots going on. Just...Not today.

I'm having a lot of issues with websites lately. A LOT. I tried to go login to Crunchyroll as an artist to upload my newest manga, Saint Devil...and it gave me an error that I couldn't understand and find a resolution for! I've been waiting weeks for a response from support. I finally got a response from a writing site I tried joining at least, that was having problems with their join/login process. They've been helping me a lot the past couple days to troubleshoot, so at least it's working out there...But I feel like it's harder to find people to join my Saint Devil focus group on the post-InkBlazers forum via DA, which is all I have it on right now. At least one friend has joined though. Helping each other is important for artists, right? :D

Hrm...A friend got DA recently. He pointed out to me an old comic journal entry i had. I haven't really been doing anything in that category lately...But the one he noticed made me giggle, so I added it to my gallery here. I should really find a way to push my gallery more. And my work in general. Actually, I should be focusing on working...I wish I didn't have writer's block for something to add to my craft blog. Or, y'know...Some customers.

2nd August 2016, 11:59 PM
August 2nd, 2016

This is the first time in over a year I've posted an entry to my journal...Or posted here at all, basically. But today marks my attempt at a return. The site may be near death, but I'm going to try my best to help with the defibrillator to get things moving again! ...If I can think of ways to contribute more.

Let's see, what kind of things have happened this year? Well, a lot really. Jumping off my bad heart pun from a bit ago: I'm planning to see my grandmother's doctor for a second opinion, but I've basically completely decided I'm getting the heart procedure I should've gotten a decade ago. I'm still scared even though I've been talking about it for months offline and on. It's a really common procedure, but...The fact is, I've never been put under before- and it involves a lot of radiation too. Naturally, that's kind of a scary mix to know you'll be getting. But...It'll be worth it, and I'm well aware of that. So I'm not going to avoid it like I used to.

What else, what else...I'm playing more with RPGmaker, and I'm writing more. Most of what I post on DA lately is mapping practice and such, along with snippets of my writing...

Actually, I'm still in the state of not having much of a life outside my apartment, so is there much to say? Probably more, but...I'm too lazy today.

(Yay, I ended with a rhyme!)

3rd August 2016, 02:01 AM
Hello Juneberry!
I have read some of your posts and all I can say is: WOW.
Very impressive.

But I will help bring this site to life too. ;)

3rd August 2016, 02:04 AM
Thanks for coming back to start a new beginning for Nexus. As you know, I'm in a similar boat with the health procedure, though they are apples and oranges. Don't focus on the negatives so much and think of what it will change in your future. You'll be okay.

I still need to see some of your RPGMaker progress. Perhaps you could post some of it in your journal? I look forward to seeing your next entry. Chin up. ;)

3rd August 2016, 06:46 PM
August 3rd, 2016

Using Mantis' note to keep focusing on the good things that will come from my procedure, I smiled recently when looking at my pulse/blood pressure log yesterday. I started it three days ago because I'm supposed to keep track of those things (I have a tendency towards low blood pressure and rather high pulse that could be a problem, so my neurologist has me checking daily since my meds for my migraines can exacerbate it.) Yesterday was probably the best pulse I had all month- 108BPM. The days before I was 129 and 138...So 108 is pretty impressive to me at this point. Mind you, it's still bad- this is when I'm sitting doing nothing like usual. That is not a good resting heart rate. But...Someday it'll be below a hundred regularly. Especially after my procedure, since part of the reason it's like this is my heart condition. After all, my heart has an extra pathway! That's what they're correcting!

I added some maps to my art thread to show off my progress. Most of them aren't recent, but...They're within the last couple weeks, so...That counts, I guess?

What else, what else...Oh, right. I felt really dumb this morning. The other day, I went nuts because I thought my reminder app was telling me it was my friend's birthday. So I went to tell them happy birthday- and they were dumbfounded, because it wasn't their birthday. Of course, when I asked when it was to fix it, he claimed he just doesn't have one (lair!). But when I looked this morning and noticed it was still reminding me...I realized it was telling me to remember for NEXT WEEK. I have failed. Also I forget how old he is. I think he's a year older than me? You'd think I'd remember since I've known him since I was twelve. Oh well. At least I know now.

Oh, speaking of next week...I need to get more papers together for when I go see my (new) lawyer. Blargh.

That's all for now. Feeling lazy. Thanks for reading? xD

4th August 2016, 10:08 PM
August 4th, 2016
Yes, I plan on trying to make a journal entry every day- because why not? Besides the fact that it might seem like spam- but it's not really, is it...? Er, anyway, enough of that. Onto the entry.

I'm very frustrated as I'm writing this. I went to go work on maps (as usual) and when I tried to open RPGMaker...It errored out. Three times in a row. I'm giving it some space, but it's rather frustrating. What frustrates me more is...I tried to open another program before it and had a similar issue. I'm assuming either I'll need to restart something, or my computer just really doesn't think I should do Game Dev stuff today.

On the plus side, I learned how to make checklists on Google Docs today. I also had a nice conversation with my grandmother...Well, it was one I've probably had ten times already, but...It wasn't as bad on my head as usual. So that's good. I also finally got an email from my email-based pen-pal who hasn't replied in months. I need to go work on a reply to her, but I should probably wait until I'm not steaming at steam. Yes, pun was intended. :P

In other news...It's almost the weekend! And more insanity is in the news, too. So I got a good laugh today at least.

Well, time to work on playing with checklists. And maybe thinking of more things to post. I need more ideas! I'm supposed to be a writer! xD Oh, and I'm still really thinking hard on an OLS fangame now, besides the games I already had in mind. Someone send help, I have too many ideas for games and stories, but nothing else.

6th August 2016, 05:37 PM
August 6th, 2016

So much for daily journal entries. I forgot to take my blood pressure yesterday too, as I think about it...Oh well!

The other day I got the best blood pressure reading I've had in awhile. Well, actually, my blood pressure was normal...But my pulse was below a hundred for a change! So that made me pretty happy. Unfortunately, my guts weren't so happy when I woke up today. But...eh, I'll live. It could be worse. I mean, I'm still thankful not to have Crohn's like my mom, y'know?

Anywho, outside of health stuff...I updated my art thread again. This time with three things: A dark story I wrote for a contest a month or so ago, which deals with some heavy topics such as self harm and suicide. I also posted a crime scene I tried making in ComiPo earlier in the year, and a really awkward drawing based on a nightmare from when I was a kid (which was for another contest, but it was also sort of fun even if I'm creeped out by it still).

Today is the full release of the fan game that got me interested in making fan games! It's been in beta for a while, and the beta was fun and all, but the full release will be even better. I can't wait to see how it's changed. When it's posted, anyway. I'm still stalking them while waiting for that.

Uh...Oh! The new newsletter came out. That's exciting. Not that it really has anything to do with my journal, but...Still exciting. So yep, that's it for now. Wish me luck actually doing this daily since I already failed one. :D

8th August 2016, 01:54 AM
August 7th, 2016

Hurray, there's a weird pattern in my blood pressure lately! Well, it's not that weird, but it's funny to me that the diastolic number has been the same 3 takes in a row (the 3rd, 4th and today) according to my log. My pulse has been stable around 100 or so too recently, which is nice. Not that that's good, but...For me? Yes, it is.

I woke up with a nightmare late this morning that I'd been completely catatonic and couldn't even make words out to ask for something I needed desperately. Not a fun way to start the day- but it did make me extremely thankful to wake up! Later in the day, I watched a movie with dad on Plex- Star Wars: The Force Awakens. No one will know how hyper and excited he gets over these things. There are no words to describe his energy level when he noticed it. So...That happened. It wasn't bad. I'm not as into it as he is, but that's just how I am sometimes.

I enjoyed making my minimap today...And I played a lot of that fangame I noted yesterday, Pokemon Uranium. I'm really loving the changes that were included. The updated maps and the new way they introduced your rival was much more enjoyable (though he's still a pain). They also changed some other stuff, but...Well, not something to ramble about.

Made some new friends on DeviantArt today. Also started yet another anime or two for no apparent reason: Sankarea (how did I manage to handle four episodes of this so far with my scaredy-cat nature?) and Chivalry of a Failed Knight. Liking them both so far. Sankarea is zombies, if you don't know, and Chivalry of a Failed Knight is...Er, futuristic fantasy with soul weapons? I don't know what to say yet, I only watched a couple episodes. The main character's backstory made me cry a bit.

Actually, as I type this...I get the urge to watch it now. I'll cut this short: Today was a day and a day isn't bad. Tomorrow will be annoying since I have to go see my doctor in the early afternoon though. That means actually waking up in the morning...Ugh.

Oh, one last thing: I bought DA Core with points I won recently in a raffle of some sort (I forgot entering it, so I was really surprised to get them at first). That means six months of Core thanks to the sale going on for DA's birthday! Hurray!

9th August 2016, 04:11 AM
Pokemon Uranium? I've never heard of that. Is it a counter part to Pokemon Plutonium or Radon? :P

Those nightmares where you want to say something or scream but your body won't let you is, in my experience, an extension of the paralysis your body goes through during sleep. A few times in my early years I half-woke straight out of a nightmare and tried to yell or shout out for help but all that came out was a tiny squeaky noise. Other times I tried to do it in the dream and I could feel my body was trying to do it in real life. It's rather freaky to feel like you can't call out for help or communicate!

How does one make friends on dA? As far as I know, you just post artwork and journals, people comment, and that's it. Not much in the way of avenues for friend-making. Keep going strong, happy bubble!

9th August 2016, 01:48 PM
Sorry to hear about that nightmare. They're a bitch. :aishafrown: From its name alone, Pokémon Uranium sounds like a cross between Pokémon and Fallout. In other words, a not-so-nice wasteland and a bunch of mutated Pokémon that really don't want you around. Plus an even less friendly Team Rocket! Hopefully it's a bit more colourful than that.

Plex is great. ;) Did you manage to watch more of Sankarea, by the way? Despite Resident Evil being a Japanese series, I never thought Japan was that big on zombies. Honestly I'd never heard of Sankarea. I did watch Highschool of the Dead, but that's a comedy, so I watched it very casually rather than taking it seriously. I hadn't heard of the second one either. I need to finish El Hazard and watch some of your recommendations!

9th August 2016, 08:46 PM
@Seth - Hehe, good one! But no, I don't think those are things. I should talk to the makers about a spin off or something though. I really love this game so far. The fakemon vary from creepy as heck to adorable.

I've never been comatose myself, but my father was in and out of comas when I was younger- so I have a definitive anxiety relating to catatonic states and such. BUt thank you for pointing out it might have been related to my sleep paralysis tendencies. That makes me feel better- though it's funny, that was the one time my sleep paralysis wasn't horrid! Also I couldn't sleep the next day...xD

I make friends on DA a lot- usually through similar interest groups and such. My love of ComiPo led me to a lot of interesting people that use it like I do, and we all help each other and talk a lot in general. I've also made a couple other friends recently through my minimaps and such.


Yes, Pokemon Uranium is very colorful comparative to the name. Though the start video involves a nuclear explosion that supposedly killed the player's mother and such. The storyline has points where it's really moving, and other times it's just funny. The Pokemon so far aren't all that mutated or creepy, but I know there are points where you meet a new type of pokemon that's kind of OP- just haven't gotten there yet.

Yes, Plex IS great. And I watched about four episodes of Sankarea, and dad tried watching one episode of a dub that was available (for two minutes before he wasn't feeling well, but...). So far, I really like it. Like you noted with Highshcool of the Dead, it's definitely a mostly-comedic story...So far. It has a lot of emotional pull and stuff, and honestly I want to murder the heroine's father for being a creep. But...You really connect well with the characters, I find. And, let's face it, a zombie cat is kind of cool and cute. And that's the first zombie, technically.

Also they aren't as zombie-like as most zombie things we think of. And I need to watch some of your recommendations too!

...I was going to make a new entry, but honestly this post is so long I'm too lazy to write one. I'll edit it in later. xD

10th August 2016, 05:49 PM
August 10th, 2016

Hurray, I probably won't lose my power! My grandmother will be giving us a 400 dollar check to help deal with the fact that my electric company came by yesterday to threaten to shut us off if we didn't pay that much. It's rather frustrating, because we already made a deal with them a month or so ago and they didn't even keep to their end in the first place- this is just getting more annoying. But...We really need to keep power on (for example, so my dad can sleep without choking since he needs a CPap), so...Oh well.

I finally have an appointment with her doctor, by the way. My second opinion will officially be figured out on Monday- which is nice, because I just need a primary doctor in general- my current primary is my GI. That's not really what his job is supposed to be. And this new doctor has known my grandma since probably before I was born- so even longer than the GI! And the GI's known me since he started practicing when I was a tot! I still plan to see him though, since...I can't avoid seeing my uncle (we call him that even if he's not related). I have GERD and other issues, after all.

Anyway, enough of that. Time for happy stuff. Well, that stuff was kind of happy stuff, huh? Um...I'm getting lots of input lately on my mini maps and such. It's really fun making them, but it's even more fun when I get to make friends through it and such.

Speaking of RPGMaker, ComiPo (which on steam is distributed by the RPGMaker company) has an update- we can finally select skin tones and such! I haven't played with it yet, but I've seen my ComiPo friends playing with it. It's a real relief, since I avoided certain projects just because it would be too much trouble painting over all the skin regularly for characters. :/ Also, RPGMaker is willing to give me free copies of the DLC I bought for my non-steam related version, if I can find my receipts to send them. So that's pretty awesome. No more rushing back and forth because I only have one steam version DLC that I don't have regular and vice versa! :D

So yes, lots of happy things outside the usual troublesome things like bills and migraines. But the thing that makes me happiest is probably this site right now. It's filled with memories and nice people.

Other things are making me happy too of course. OSN is just one of many wonderful things in my life right now! I'm also happily in love with a wonderful person. I have great friends around me, including everyone here. I'm feeling proud of myself for being able to keep myself to a project (my mini maps) most of the time, even if I've had minor failures here and there. Today marks my 34th mini map, actually! I'll have to post more in my art thread later.

I'm thinking of working on a small poem each day too. I haven't been writing much, and that's troubling me. Would people be interested in helping prompt me or something? I wonder...

Anywho, that's all for now. Thank you for making me smile, everyone! :D

11th August 2016, 06:24 PM
August 11th, 2016

Yesterday was pretty weird after my post. As I'd said, my grandmother helped pay our electric bill- and so we weren't turned off when we got home! But a few hours after the payment, we had a power outage!? At first it was just us, but after about half an hour, the rest of the area slowly turned completely dark...So after a while, we lost internet since we use our neighbor's, who started with having their power on. It was at that moment, of course, that my computer decided to need updates- when I hit shut down so the battery wouldn't die. So yeah...That plan didn't work out.

But it wasn't all bad. There's something nice about the dark- though that may be because I'm not a fan of bright lights. A friend was telling me I should get in the sun more when I pointed out how pale I am...And I noted that I refuse mostly because my medicine says it's dangerous, and I hate the sun. Seriously though, I don't tan anyway really...well, not properly. I'm one of those people that gets what's called an "Indian Tan" (not sure why it's called that). Basically I burn immediately, and then after a day or so, the burn turns into a tan. But it starts by being a painfully annoying burn all over. I have to use super high SPF stuff to be safe. Family trait.

That said, I could do with more sun anyway in terms of my health. It's a pain having to take 3000 IUs of vitamin D supplements just to make sure my deficiency doesn't become too problematic (they up it regularly is the sad part).

I had fun at my grandmother's though. Had a nice barbecue with homemade fries/chips and a really simple nice salad. I wasn't surprised it was good, of course, but...Still. Nice time. Though I spent most of it snuggled on her couch using her internet because I had little to do otherwise. xD Honestly, I wanted to throw something because I forgot my ear defenders, and her phone was going off CONSTANTLY. Like, seriously, she had me get on the phone with one person that called (my aunt), and then someone else was calling while I was on the phone. And it rang outside of that probably five or more times within an hour. I was surprised she actually got to eat! Then we went home and it was all handy dandy until that blackout.

As for today...I tried getting on the computer at first to find my computer wouldn't listen to me at all. I got frustrated and decided to restart, and...Wouldn't you know it? Eight more updates! I was too frustrated to look at it so my dad kept an eye on it. Apparently it was a ton of mini registry updates. Probably why my computer decided to be a spazzoid. But it's working great now that it's done! Dad also figured out the most likely reason it's not easy to make my computer accept the times I don't care about updates: my version is Enterprise (got it from my cousin for a discount, because he has a special way of getting stuff as the head of the Dept. of Agriculture of his area in Florida). Enterprise is meant for corporations, and the person who is in charge of the serial number for the version can force them. So he might have that power and forget. I'm not sure really but...Meh. It's over for now.

Oh, speaking of, I need to ask him more about his new grandchild. And I just need to talk to him in general...I don't bug him enough. Or rather, at all. I'm not a fan of phones and such, as I've stated. And, well...That's the way most people talk to relatives, besides in person...Which I'm not fond of either, actually.

Anyway...Besides all that, today will probably be adorned by making art and attempting to procrastinate on paperwork I have to do (but really, I should go do that soon...Meh). Why was I excited to be an adult again?

12th August 2016, 11:50 PM
August 12th, 2016

I've never wanted to murder the sun quite as badly as I did today- mostly because I know it's going to be even hotter tomorrow. It was around 88 before taking into account humidity and such today- In Celsius (because I have the magic of google to help me translate for all of you) that'd be around 31 degrees. But that's not all. The heat index (which takes into account everything from wind and humidty to the basic temp) was at over 100- meaning about 38C.

But what's worse is tomorrow it's skyrocketing. They say around 110 tomorrow is going to be how strong it feels. For those of you keeping track of my Celsius notes, that's about 43 degrees. For some people, of course, that's not hot at all- it was 43 in dry Arizona this morning, which I only know because I had to call a call center there and chatted with the rep for a while. But for New Jersey? Nope, this isn't good. I've eaten way too much ice cream to combat it...So I'll pay for that later, too.

I actually wasn't home most of the day- I spent a good part of it at the hospital. No, there's no reason to panic- I go there regularly because my doctor has a private practice on the second floor. Normally, an hour is a normal time there- but because my dad uses the clinic downstairs for most of his specialists, and he had one of those and some x-rays to get done, we were there for probably four or five hours. Trust me, no one wants to be in that place for five hours. Even the doctors don't want to be there for ten minutes. That hospital is known for sucking the life out of most that enter it.

Well, the appointments went well, at least. And I wasn't completely bored- mostly, yes, but not completely. I played games on my tablet while in waiting rooms and such- though I was annoyed that I couldn't access the wi-fi in the hospital. I'd heard it had free wi-fi, but I couldn't get the password. So...No idea what Pokemon live there still. But I'm guessing not many would want to anyway.

I found out yesterday evening at dinner that...I don't hate spicy things as much as I thought. We ordered in last night and for some reason, I refused to get anything other than the last thing someone that knows me would expect me to get- a buffalo chicken wrap. Basically it's chicken in a special hot sauce. Hot. Sauce. My dad was honestly in shock when he placed the order...and even more when I gobbled half of it down for dinner (before finally saying that was enough spice for one day, and saved the rest for today). It was scarily good. I might have to order that from the place again someday...Seriously, when did I learn not to want to throw spicy food into a volcano?

And...I can't think of much else to say! I went places, attempted to talk to strangers like a friendly person, and came home to enjoy not having to pretend to have a life anymore. I got to talk to my favorite person the moment I got online, too...So basically, it's been a good day. Besides the thunderstorm. :D

13th August 2016, 03:03 PM
Sorry about the weather hassles! I often moan about how boring it is here, but at least I'm not melting to a puddle.


Hey, the hospital situation could be worse! Sometimes it's the doctors (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXQ1T8NvZtI) who suck the life out of the patients rather than giving it.

I can imagine your dad was surprised! My dad often eats stuff like chilli so he'd find it odd if I did something like that. Good on you for trying something new. It takes some courage when you've been eating similar food (in terms of mildness) for so long!

16th August 2016, 11:29 PM
August 16th, 2016

I updated my art thread today! I included a few new and old minimaps from the past few weeks. Today marks my 40th minimap...But sadly, not in 40 days exactly, since I had some bumps with access to my computer, like yesterday. But that's okay...I got it done. And I was able to manage to post from my tablet on here, since I had Wi-Fi (I was at my granny's house).

Got some referrals yesterday for some doctors, including a better cardiology practice that takes my insurance and works at my preferred hospital...Meaning I'm getting closer and closer to my procedure, kinda! Oh, and I'm making more OJ friends too, again. That's always fun.

Seriously not sure what to say today. Oh! I hatched an egg in Pokemon Uranium, which has been in the news now. That's cool. And the egg hatched into a pokemon seen as "the germ" pokemon...It looks like a weird dog to me though?! Huh. Weird stuff.

Anyway, that's all for today. Love you guys. Lots of hugs. I get off my aching butt now. xD

18th August 2016, 02:15 AM
August 17th, 2016

I started trying to pixel creatures for my really weird fan game I've probably talked about with some of you if not all of you. I've gotten some pretty good feedback/reactions so far, at least on one of them...So I'm posting them in my art thread (you'll see them under a new part, "Pixely Things").

I caught a couple pidgey in Pokemon GO. One was in my house and the other was at my psychiatrist...Because I'm a brat and opted to play it IN THE OFFICE while my dad and he were chattering (since someone in the building had open wifi). Fun times. I told dad later on and he laughed, unsurprised.

Let's see...Uh...I went to the pharmacy (not my normal one, one of those big branch ones). Their freezers were malfunctioning and kept giving out this high-pitched beep that was driving me insane. So, I fled, and left dad to the shopping. Or rather, he told me to leave, because I looked/felt ready to cry from the pain. I can't imagine how he handled it, considering even HE could hear it. How was anyone in there sane!?

My last thing for today: I'll be starting up a project for the ComiPo community soon...Someone had said they wanted to make a community magazine, and I asked to help out- but because they won't be able to work on it for a while, I was put in charge of it. Currently have a lot of planning to do, but it'll probably be on a website after someone who knows a lot about the project (helping me plan) showed me some things she was able to do with that particular host- and it's free, so that's great.

Technically it's mostly for the ComiPo community, but it's also to help promote members' work. But we're gonna have fake ads and other stuff in it too, so it'll be a really interesting thing to work on. Still...I've never headed this kind of project- I joined because I love these kinds of things, and I always took part in school newspapers and stuff...I was told based on that I'd be a great help, but originally, I was gonna be a side character in this, not the front runner! Wish me luck guys!

PS: I hate the way DeviantArt notifications work for group leaders. I can't find out unless I go directly to the journal I'd made there to get input from the community that people reacted! Jeez. Does anyone know how to work it better than me? (Besides everyone, you get what I mean xD)

19th August 2016, 01:42 AM
August 18th, 2016

Why did no one tell me my previous post I stupidly put April instead of August? I just noticed while checking how many days in a row I've posted in this thing....And it hit my like a ton of bricks just how out of it I must've been yesterday from that migraine I got while I was out. Seriously...April...?!

Er, anyway, rambling obsessive compulsive issues aside, today makes three days in a row I've posted in my journal here. I'm feeling pretty good about that- considering that's probably the longest I go with any journal I try to keep. I really need to work on that more.

Not much to report today, to be honest. I did a couple more pixel creatures and regret one hysterically- but somehow, that one got some really nice feedback...Like, they could think of an evolution for it and stuff. I wasn't aiming completely for what they said it made them think of (seriously, being compared to anything to do with Lovecraft gives me, as a scaredy cat, mixed feelings). But I'll totally take it. Maybe it'll be helpful!

I also finally got onto the second page of a story I've been trying to write for a week. Seriously, some stories are extremely hard for some reason. I think part of this one being so is mostly because I still can't figure out the name of a major place that the story involves, and it's kind of driving me loopy. I feel like, considering all the preschools I pass randomly when I'm going to doctors, that should be the least of my issues, trying to name one. xD

And...I learned something today. Apparently in the USA, it's illegal for a truck driver to drive more than 11 hours without a break. Like, if there's no truck stop after 11 hours, they have to pull to the side of the road and can't be ticketed in my state by the police or made to move for a while. Because the New York metro area is notorious for its lack of truck stops. It's a big fiasco apparently.

Oh, and they have new ways to do surgery for nerves using giant CT scans. So...That's cool.

Okay, I'll stop blabbering now. I can't think of anything else to write, and I need to run and fetch my arthritis gloves- my hands hurt. Later Outlaws!

21st August 2016, 07:02 PM
August 21st, 2016

So far, I seem to have a pattern of about 3 days on, 3 days off with my journaling- whether it's here or my BP log. It's kind of weird. I just happened to notice it (and that reminds me, I really need to check my BP later. I felt kinda dizzy/near ready to fall down when I got up too quickly.)

Hrm...I've started working on "ComiPo Magazine" for the ComiPo community. I'm working on a prototype issue recently, with a website setup on Wix that I'm slowly working on. I've already got a couple people that agreed to help with the initial release, such as a friend who makes models for many of us regularly. I'm trying to think of some good interview questions...And might be writing an article myself for something related to writing (it was a request/recommendation by someone, though they might do it for me too). I haven't actually thought of a theme yet though. Maybe I should make it Slice-of-Life since it's the first 'simple'/sample issue?

Well, that aside, I've started making comics at least a bit again. The friend I noted sent me surprise models to play with, and one of them is an alien creature I find rather cute. I actually may have finally figured out a major plothole for a story I've been working on about people that revert physically and mentally to a smaller age when they're stressed- Why those particular people do that. So yeah, the model is basically gonna be in the story now. It still needs a name though. And so does the preschool for them...Crud.

I watch a little Princess Tutu lately here and there in spurts. I have no real knowledge of ballet and honestly wasn't a big fan of it, but this anime is stupidly addicting- and it breaks the fourth wall beautifully. Combining all sorts of operas and ballets and fairy tales takes some real skill. I hope to learn from it, and I'm really enjoying it in general. Dad likes it too. I'll likely jump to something different next- maybe some of the recommendations I've gotten, like Terror in Resonance or that listless guy I forgot the name of already.

Uuuuuh anyway...I've started reworking on other game projects besides my weird fangame. I've started doing mapping for the first one I'd planned, which is the simplest. So far, my maps for the starting town have gotten some good feedback. I'll probably post a couple in my art thread later...with some more of my awkward pixel attempts. xD

Now, off to play Pokemon Uranium. I finally managed to beat my rival after like 10 tries on a boat. And now I'm not on the boat. So yay. Let's hope I don't get lost in this farm I'm in.

22nd August 2016, 01:44 AM
Nice updates. I should have replied sooner since I really like your journal but some things have kept me quite busy, the least of which being maintenance of this place. I also look forward to checking out your art updates after this.

How long have you been learning to draw sprites? It's a pretty cool thing to do. Heh, check out some of my poor attempts in the market section.

Excellent news about the procedure. I really hope it sorts a lot out for you. I was curious about Pokemon GO and its egg hatching, but I thought it was an exclusive feature and not in normal games. Perhaps I'm too old-school.

I bet the psychiatrist gets a lot of Pokemon GO players. It's when they start trying to catch a Psyduck during therapy that it becomes a problem. By the way, knowing you, I bet you'd hear a dog whistle! That would be one way to make you look like you're hearing things. =/

The magazine sounds like a cool project. Much progress thus far? What will your hosting solution be?

Also, April? I didn't know normal users could backdate posts. Thanks for letting me know if so.

Good luck with the story and I look forward to its completion! I'm not surprised truck drivers have to pull over. Over eleven hours could be a real hazard.

Oh, I just noticed your ComiPo progress! I've gotta be honest, Wix is a bit sucky to me, but that's from the perspective of a long-time webmaster so take it with a pinch of salt as I sometimes overlook what a standard internet user thinks. Feel free to ask if you'd like a different hosting solution though. Themes are a nice idea. It's good to add variety so things don't get stale. Slice of life sounds like a very fair starting theme.

Good luck with Uranium. :)

22nd August 2016, 05:21 PM
I'll edit this post later with a journal entry. It's too early in the day to have anything to say right now...So here's just a reply xD

@Mantis: I have no formal training in spriting, but when I was around 12, I started playing with editing pixeled sprites for that dothack site I used constantly. I should find some old stuff and put it in my art thread for kicks. I liked doing silly things. Now it's more freehand and really lame...Though I'm starting to like some of my tsuff...Some of. Where in the market section are your sprite attempts? I wanna see!

Um, egg hatching has been a think in Pokemon games since GSC. I mean, that's when Togepi came out and whatnot. But yeah, a psychiatrist and a therapist are different things really...Though it's better not to play Pokemon Go in the midst of your own doctor's appointment in general, probably. Luckily it wasn't my turn with the doctor- my dad and I just sit in the room at the same time and take turns since he deals with both of us. xD

I didn't backdate the posts. You know how I date each of my entries with bolded words (ie August 22nd, 2016)? I meant in one of my August posts I put April in that. Oops.

I'd love to hear your recommendation for better hosting, but Wix was mostly recommended by another user who like me isn't that advanced in webhosting. I do know some basic HTML, but webhosting usually is expensive and confusing otherwise. Free simple platforms seemed like way to go about it for this kind of project. Are there free ones you recommend? Good to know Slice of Life sounds like a good starting theme.

I'm doing better with Uranium than I was. Slowly but surely, I'm getting somewhere. I got a super special pokemon from a sidequest yesterday too- it was a really hard puzzle they had me going through, but it was fun and worth it. The special pokemon can only be caught if you do the sidequest, and it's like a UFO. I'm entertained.

And yeah, the truck thing didn't surprise me fully...But I think that law shouldn't just be for trucks. I know people who will drive 24 hours and then some straight to drive from New Jersey to Florida. Namely my grandpa used to, and a friend of my uncle constantly does it. But the shortage of truck stops is kinda concerning...

28th August 2016, 02:07 AM
August 27th, 2016

My mind feels broken. I watched a both amazing and terrifyingly confusing thriller with my boyfriend today, and I think my mind is broken from it. Well, not fully, but...I have images of way more blood than I'd like in my head, and it was just really complicated. I have a real mish-mosh of emotions now, but I'm really glad I watched it- and I'm lucky I wasn't watching alone (okay, so actually I was physically alone, but we were watching together otherwise, so...Okay I'll drop it now). I'm sure I'd have stopped part-way if I was alone and given up because of getting scared. But knowing someone was with me in any sense really helped...And it's a really inspiring movie.

Hrm, what else...Well, it's almost the end of August- NaNoWriMo's already sent me an email reminding me to prepare. I have some of the major basics figured out for what I'm going to work on, and it went from what was going to be a modern fantasy that was mostly slice of life...To a sci-fi slice-of-life that may be somewhat less fluffy as I expected- mostly because I'm actually intimidated by how enigmatic one of the main characters is. On the other hand, I'm looking forward to working with the concept further.

I'm just happy having my computer back- with some nifty new software to play with (and a game or two I need to play more of for sure). For now, that's all I can think to say for now. Wish me luck in actually figuring out what I'm doing overall? :D

2nd September 2016, 06:14 PM
September 2nd, 2016

It's September, and you know what that means right? ...Okay I don't so you probably wouldn't either, but IT'S A NEW MONTH GUYS. I'm so happy! Autumn is almost here. Though I'm not a fan of the fact it'll be getting cold quickly, I'm a fan of less sunlight to blind me and the temperatures not regularly being in the 90s (or, for you people who use Celsius unlike me, the 30s). Plus, I've always liked the colors of autumn- they're gentle and make me want to write more. Then again, that's probably because Autumn to me also means NaNoWriMo. I'm already working on prep starting this week!

Actually, because of NaNoWriMo, I've started using facebook again. -.- I'm part of a group on there for NaNo participants and it's always really fun to me to lurk it- there are really inspiring people and sometimes it just has funny things to think about. Though that said, other groups are inspiring too. My migraine support group taught me a new way to think of ailments when I write, in fact: What color are they? What shape are they? So thanks random youtuber that tries to use that for headaches. It won't help my migraines, but I think it'll help me write more!

September means a lot of things to me. It reminds me I've grown stronger, because it used to depress me every year due to my mother's birthday. It means changes are afoot this year too, since our good friend Mark will be getting married- Tomorrow! That itself reminds me of my own happiness too. Though that reminds me...I plan on sending my boyfriend a love letter for his birthday in the next couple months. I should work on my handwriting now. I've been lazy. I already drafted the letter though! I should probably re-read it to see how badly I did.

Hrm...Not much else to say right now. Let's have another great month together, Nexus! :D

3rd September 2016, 11:30 AM
September 3rd, 2016

Today's the day Mark gets married! And I can't say that with a straight face because when I read 'Mark' I automatically turn to my dad. Who is definitely not getting married since he doesn't have a girlfriend even. But just I'm so excited I can't think straight (though that may also be the lack of sleep talking- I slept a couple hours at most last night....and it's 7:30AM right now, which is scary early for me).

Er, speaking of reasons I'm excited: I made the 1000th thread on the site! Yes, I am proud of something simple like that. But even more so, I MAY have gotten a job opportunity...via facebook! There's a possibility I'll be getting paid within the next year for making comics for a literary magazine run by the NaNo community. Like, you guys have no idea how exciting this is...For me. Not so much for the person who gets to deal with my millions of questions before I actually start said comic series. It's gonna be an episodic silly little thing about reading and writing (since, y'know, it's from NaNo people). I have too many ideas at once.

Oh, but that doesn't mean I won't be working on other stuff. I will. Like mapping (I fell off my minimap wagon and have new programs to learn to map in...XP is evil to me so far)...And planning for NaNo...Lots of things. Even more important is a letter I mentioned. I tweaked my draft when I couldn't sleep. I still kinda like it (which is scary). So now to learn to like my handwriting.

...Or, y'know, learn to write legibly. Wish me luck on stuff? :D

5th September 2016, 12:46 AM
September 4th, 2016

Hi forum! I played at least six games of 100% Orange Juice today with a couple of ComiPo friends...And I only know it was at least 6 because I remember everyone won once, and I won at least 3-4 times. I really don't know how it worked out. I also learned their names (okay, one I learned yesterday, the other I probably knew and forgot)...Which was kinda neat. We all have pretty common names, turns out. But I'll probably forget by the end of the week.

I don't know what day, but I missed my meds recently. I know because I have a day more than I should (I should've run out this morning, I have enough for tomorrow morning). I don't know when I missed them, but I'm mad at myself for it. But I'm also not drinking enough liquid today. But on the bright side, I got some game dev and story planning done. I also saw a ton of neat things on Facebook (I love the NaNo group, I really do). I've also been reading a lot of new studies on some of my health problems, along with my dad's.

Speaking of health...I have like five doctors I haven't called that I have to. Well, that'll be for tomorrow. I look forward to the uh...I forget what they're called again, but they deal with pain issues (but it's not 'pain management'. It's something else, starting with an 'o'.) I hate when this happens. xD Anyway, time to go drink more and get my arthritis gloves because my wrists are killing me. It's lovely to see everyone again today! The site is getting even more active, and we have a new member AND over 1000 threads now! So exciting!

7th September 2016, 09:11 PM
September 7th, 2016

It's the day after what once was the worst day of the year for me each year- and to be honest, yesterday had its drawbacks once again...Though not the ones I used to fight constantly. For those of you who know me well, you'll likely remember that I have issues with my mother- namely, she neglected me as a child and basically abandoned the family when I was eight to 'go to rehab', never to return. September 6th was not only the day she left, it was her birthday...And it was my first day of school. For years, at least a decade and change, I spent every September 6th cuddled up in a corner crying.

For the last couple years now, I've grown. I no longer feel pain over my mother's leaving (okay, maybe a bit...but it's not nearly as bad as it once was). In fact, I can look back and feel almost relieved. I don't cry remembering she's left me. I thought about messaging her for her birthday (since once in a blue moon we converse, though usually it's because she's up to something)...But I forgot to due to being frustrated by other things. Part of me regrets it, but...Meh, it doesn't really matter. Either way, I do hope she had a good birthday. I may be bad at math, but...I think she's...uh...58 or so? She's getting close to 60. Fun times for her I bet (No seriously she has a really weird and eventful life from the times I've talked to her). Also if you live in Florida and get called by Lasix...It might be her. Have fun. xD

Anyway, the real reason I was frustrated yesterday: RPGMaker MV wouldn't open. AT ALL. I kept getting error code 80 on steam (at least ten plus times). I kept going through all the recommended troubleshooting possibilities, and three didn't work at all. I finally remembered one of the things that often causes me problems on this computer though...And I was glad I looked. It took twelve hours to make 7 more gigs of space, but...Hopefully that helps. If not, I'll have to make more. Moving data between partitions is a pain, but...Seriously where did all my space go!?

I've been making friends with my friends friends recently. Yes, that sounds dumbly worded, but it's the best I could think of. I met one on DA who found me following a friend and decided to lurk my work (and liked it so much she messaged me)...And another on steam because they saw me using a program they were at the time. I feel bad because I was cheating and not really using the program...But a new friend is always nice! >w<

I slept a lot today and haven't been great in the pain department, unfortunately- but I've spent plenty of time in my head, which isn't a bad thing, I think. For now, I'm off to enjoy some time with my beloved and maybe play with programs to see if they work better now. Or y'know, move ten more gigs of crap off my C drive. xD

Wish me luck, and I hope all is well with everyone. I don't drink, but I wanna play with the smiley so...Here, have a beer? :beer:

8th September 2016, 10:52 PM
September 8th, 2016
NOTE: There is technically some foul language here. But yet it's not...?

I learned a few interesting things today. Mostly silly phrases and such from friends, but...I also learned about a programming language or two that interest me- one because of the name (I WILL NEVER LEARN IT. Just looking at it makes me want to cut my head open) and the other because it's apparently really good for beginners in game design...And either way it's Open Source framework and the community is apparently so nice they warn you about it on the homepage. But seriously, if you're ever bored and want to torture yourself...Look up Brainfuck code. It's an actual coding language. And it looks like torture. Why does my friend want to learn that anyway? xD

Other fun terms I've heard today:
"Windows sometimes keep update files or backup files the size of elephants." - Friend who taught me about Brainfuck language, while we were chatting about harddrive woes.
"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana." - Another friend pointing out we've known each other for four years now. Also wow, I've been using ComiPo for more than five years probably. This is scary.

...I had another but I lost my memory of it so...That sucks.

Anyway, other funny things today:
-I watched the end of Princess Tutu finally. And cried. Such a bittersweet ending. Can they make another season please? I can totally see more to come even if it's definitely over. ;-; *snuggles Fakir and Duck to death*
-I got told by Facebook that three years ago I was complaining about emails I was still getting from a chorus I was part of when I lived in California. I'm still getting them. It's now ten years since I was in that chorus. Just...wow. (I wonder if I should hit an unsubscribe button I haven't noticed?) It's funny to think that I was the only kid in the chorus, and now half the people I sang with are senior citizens.

Oh, and I've been playing another JRPG on my tablet that I really enjoy to the point I put in 4 hours in two days. And finally paid 5 dollars to get rid of the ads. Seriously, Kemco is getting way better at this. I especially love one of the characters: Lunaria. She can tell what kind of person you are by tasting you. FYI she's a slime person and basically ingests you momentarily to do that. xD

Well that's it for the weirdness of my day. Tune in next time- er...Yeah.

10th September 2016, 10:01 PM
September 10th, 2016

You know those days where everything goes wrong? Well at first, I thought today would be one of those days. But it's almost the opposite! What's going on here?!

Let's see...I may be getting a paying job soon. If you don't recall, I inquired with a literary magazine made by NaNoWriMo participants about helping out. At first I was just going to help make a comic for them, but now...I'm also going to be on the editing staff! So, the likelihood is I WILL be joining its payroll. I'm also learning thanks to it- primarily, learning how editing functions work with collaborating on Google Docs. They gave me an image example. So...This is getting to be pretty fun!

I already sent in a sample for the first comic strip. The Editor in Chief loved it, so I'm feeling confident. I got a mail on a game dev forum for a paying gig proofreading and playtesting a life-sim the person is making, too. I have to admit, I'm really glad it's a paid one...I don't want to sound rude, but...This person's ability to write is kind of...Er...How do I put it politely? Anyway, it seems like a fun story to work on overall at least. I get to start trying the demo today (that's how I'll be editing as well). It's going to be a learning curve since it's got a lot of stat elements to keep in mind- but that's not a bad thing.

Hrm...I have about 30 gigs of free space on my harddrive now...meaning my space in in the green! Er...Blue. Thanks to making that space, the error I had with MV that I was frustrated by this morning is no more! Now, let's see if that means I'll actually get anything done in it.

Hrm...not much else to say. Watched more Hitman Reborn today with my dad, and I think it's getting more bizarre by the second. The magical bullet concept makes me happy though, since at least it vaguely makes me think of Outlaw Star (vaguely being the major word here). But I do like the characters a lot. Well, most of them. Seriously though, I can't help being happy when there's a kid dressed in a cow costume as a major character (though seriously, why does no one find it strange in town that there's a cow-costume kid with a rocket launcher wandering around randomly?).

Not much else to say for now. Time to lurk the net and try getting something done. Wish me luck! Cheers! :beer:

11th September 2016, 02:39 AM
That's great to hear, June! Glad things are working out for you! :). And here's hoping you can help with the not so great writing on that game.

11th September 2016, 03:03 AM
Unfortunately it doesn't look like it's going to work out: for starters, the game runs HORRIBLY on my computer for some reason, and...Well, some parts make me unsettled, and I won't work on a project I can't fully enjoy since it'll show itself at this point. But surprisingly, the writing /in/ the game was way better than anything the person wrote when talking to me. I don't get how that happened.

11th September 2016, 08:24 PM
September 11th, 2016

Today's a day to have a moment of silence every year in the US, but I'm a generally quiet person...does that mean I have to think that hard about it? I'm not sure. But I always end up remembering anyway. 9/11 was a big deal when I was a kid and some people still look at it as one...But I'm just glad it's been years since then. I mean, I still remember where I was at the time- just like a lot of the previous generation in the US remembers where they were when Kennedy was assassinated and such. My father was supposed to work there at one point, but was thankfully not there. Still...Even a decade and change later, I feel horrible remembering it for some reason. Tragedies suck, in movies or real life. :/

That aside, today's an okay day. Pain level's kind of high, but I'm feeling happy overall. For starters, that game dev project I said I wasn't likely gonna be able to work on is still talking to me to try to coax me into it, and they've been giving me details that weren't included in the demo that kind of make me less uneasy at least (and I'm talking to them about trying to find a way to make a windowed mode, since my computer likes windowed mode games better). I also got word from the Editor in Chief of that literary mag that A) I'll be officially helping with editing the literary work, and B) The other editors that looked at my comic sample loved it and all I need to do is edit the title/signature section so that it notes it was made for them. My dad noted I should talk about a contract, though...I wonder how I should bring that up?

It's a hot day today. Probably dumb of me to be wearing my old PE sweats. But...They're comfy otherwise, and I'd rather be warm than cold right now. Heat helps pain...Usually. Gotta drink a lot more though. Time to guzzle water!

Hrm...What else...Oh! I feel really dense. I started posting for help with a couple things- one that was actually hard and needed a tutorial (they're glad it came up) and the other...Was me being blind. I was annoyed that I couldn't find a crosswalk tile in the built-in tilesets I was using, so I looked for help. Someone went to look at them and circled the crosswalk tiles that were right in front of me...just hard to see because of transparency issues/the program's background color. Others apparently tend to have the same issue, but still...I felt like I was causing trouble. But having it circled for me was a great help. Now I won't hate one of my maps that I only hated because it felt wrong without a crosswalk. Since...Part of the game will have you walk into that street to open the manhole cover near there, and I kinda want a crosswalk so people playing don't think I'm condoning playing in traffic.

13th September 2016, 11:56 AM
September 13th, 2016
I'd say 'today's been' something, but the day just started- I'm honestly exhausted because I haven't slept at all. It's 8AM almost, and I've been fighting insomnia all night. Eventually I was productive instead though: I started my laundry (which I have to flip over, but my neck hurts too much to deal with the motions for my top-bottom washer/dryer unit) and got dishes and stuff done...And I finally figured out why I was struggling so much with a love letter I was writing. So I finally managed to write the letter! But the details are a secret. Because...It's a secret. I say so.

Anyway...What else to say at 8AM...Uh...I tried some ASMR. Tried meaning it didn't work out well- I tried using my earphones (which hurt my ears over time and don't stay in well anyway. I should try changing the covers or something). When it wasn't fully comfortable I tried it for a while by having them held on more or less by my ear defenders. While it didn't last well, it was fun to try at least. And I did learn some things that relax me and things that don't. I always figured a voice would bother me- but nope. I prefered the one I heard a voice mostly more than the one with the same person playing with kinetic sand. I was sure I'd like that sand...

I guess sand is mostly fun to play in, not listen to.

16th September 2016, 10:07 PM
September 16th, 2016

I've only been an editor maybe a couple days for this literary magazine, but I'm already in shock at how awkward I feel with the job. It's not just having any kind of job that's shocking me- it's this particular piece I've been editing since yesterday. It's eight pages. I just finished the second page...And I can only put so much time into it. For starters, I have multiple things to do in a day- but overall, it's partially because I'm not professional yet and can't control my emotions enough while dealing with the project.

The story is quasi emotional, but I think my main issue is...This was written by a fellow staff member, and yet I've made a few dozen fixes on things in this thing. Some were simple spelling or grammar issues, others were a non-constant use of tense. But seriously...I feel bad wanting to cry at points from how awkwardly this was written. Just...Really? ;-;

Well, two pages is two pages. I should try to work harder on it, and longer. I'm going to keep doing my best to get this thing done. But...I'm kind of worried at this point- both for the character in the story, and for how this is going to work in the future if I'm already struggling with one simple short story. I'll get better at being less uneasy being critical somehow...Right...?

19th September 2016, 07:23 PM
September 19th, 2016

I'm done! I finished that annoying eight page story! It drove me nuts all the way until the end, but now it's over and i don't have to look at it ever again basically. I mean, unless I look at the magazine when it's published...I also finished another comic for the magazine- and the Editor in Chief loved it! Considering I wasn't all so sure about this one because it as hard to come up with a writer and reader conversation about horror at first, I'm really glad it turned out well. I'll probably make some filler non-genre-related ones soon, or at least draft some in a script. This way I'll be ahead of the curve. But now I have a new story to edit (only three pages, thank goodness). Maybe I should try contributing more too...Like a poem. I could totally do that. Horror poetry is probably a lot easier than non-fiction to me. Well new stuff...Possibly.

Let's see, other going ons...My dad's been stuck in bed all day from an allergic reaction. It's not so bad he needs an epipen, but he basically has to take benadryl/antihistamines like candy. His throat's a wee bit swollen along with his gums, but the main issue is he has itchy rashes and welts, and his face is kind of puffy. We're guessing he shouldn't have eaten the sauce we used without really thinking on our pasta last night. Either way, a rash mixed with psoriasis sounds like torture. :/ I'll be glad to not be him.

I finished an RPG in around 5 hours yesterday (I think I started two days ago, not sure). I really enjoyed it a lot- it's not the one I've mentioned before that I'm having problems finishing, Antiquia...This one is from the same company though. It was called Symphony of the Origins, and it was a really unique story to say the least. I am really happy with the extra content you get after beating the final boss (spoiler: one of the characters I thought was gonna be permanently dead wasn't). It really twists and turns a bit, and I'm frustrated that this one is another story about betrayal and deceit- seems common. Still, the characters were memorable and interesting. I had fun.

So today, I started a new game by them. This one's "Grace of the Letoile". Like Symphony, it has to do with robots to some degree- in Symphony, you had some golem characters that seemed like robots. In Letoile, you have...Letoile, which are automata/robots that are extremely human and can somehow control time if you finish this competition of sorts by beating up all the other Letoile and stealing something from them. The character names are more awkward to me than in Symphony, though.

Examples of Symphony characters: Ryle, Rumil, Denoas (golem) and Karin.
Examples of Letoile characters: Wedley (or something like that), Moniya, Ajin (Letoile) and Misutz.

Mind you, both games did give an option to change the names, I believe...I just don't like doing that. But so far, they've both had pretty interesting battle mechanisms and such. This one is especially nifty in skills and how they work- and there's the ability to alter the battle order as you proceed, to take advantage of "field events". So while the names are awkward for me to say (some of them, at least) the memorable differences in character and the unique gameplay alreadyh have me hooked. Though...I got lost in a set of ruins recently and I'm crying 'cause I can't find my way out...

20th September 2016, 06:17 PM
September 20th, 2016

I've been making too many spoilers on other sites lately. I say this because I almost made the date a spoiler instead of bold. But that aside...Time to rant and be merry all at once? :D

So, today was...well a day. I'm still barely through it (I've been awake like two hours guys). Before I went to bed, I played more Grace of Letoile. I now have racked up 7 hours in the game. This is proof I have no life, isn't it? On the other hand, I got all my editing work done yesterday, including some I hadn't planned to do until today. I haven't gotten anymore stuff to edit...So...I'm free?!

That said, I still ended up editing something. I try not to edit people and annoy them on forums- I really do try, most of the time. But...A welcome thread I saw accidentally wrote 'threats' instead of 'threads'. "I read a bunch of threats before joining". That just scared me. I know it was an error but...I had to warn them to let staff know if they do get threats, to be safe, because that's a bad thing. ;-; Always take it up with authorities if you need to when you're threatened guys. :o I'm sure Mantis is willing to help. Though I don't think that'd happen here anyway. Everyone's so nice. :D

I'm having an issue with RPGMaker MV. I use it in steam...And it works fine overall. But when I'm in a form for making choices and such, for example...I'll mess up one and use my usual easy way to go back- which happens to be shift + tab, the same thing used for the steam overlay. When the overlay comes up... For some reason, MV decides not to show my mouse anymore in the program. Like, even after I close the overlay. So basically, whenever I make that dumb mistake, I have to exit the program early. :/

Also, my chair keeps shrinking and it's making my arms randomly end up at awkward angles when I type so they hurt. I need a taller chair.

24th September 2016, 11:02 PM
September 24th, 2016

It's Saturday evening! And I only know that because I knew it was the weekend and the mailman came to deliver something today. For once, I'm thankful to Blue Law (that weird law we have in my area where businesses have to close on Sunday unless they're critical, like food stores. The post office isn't critical for some reason, particularly the mail people that go out to deliver stuff directly).

But yeah...Mailman came to give us a certified letter. Which I signed for while half asleep. The news from this? We're losing our storage unit. Not something we weren't expecting, but...Still sucky. On the plus side, when we're done with them, we'll save almost 200 bucks a month. Which is good, since we owe the pharmacy at least that much right now due to an error they made charging us. x-o

Other news...I'm rebooting my first comic project. Normally when I have a fever, I have worse nightmares than I already tend to get. This time, I didn't have a nightmare at all: I had a dream I was working on said comic but it looked totally different and such. So yep- that inspired me to try, slowly but surely. A friend is already making a model I'd desperately wanted the first time around before I knew him, so that helps encourage me even more!

Fun stuff today too. My boss made a chat thing on Facebook for all of us in the staff to have a meeting area (she made one the other day for chitchat to help everyone get to know each other). When I opened it up, people were constantly putting in thumbs up to show they noticed it. So in chitchat, my boss pointed out..."The meeting room looks like a giant thumb war". So yes. I apparently work for a thumb army. Which kinda works, since my job is using my thumbs to put spaces where they belong and stuff in other's writing?

I should use this as inspiration for a comic for magazine. Those comics are simple luckily, since I'm doing it old-school 4-panel style. No backgrounds, just simple stuff. It's in color, but that's easy thanks to my program.

I also apparently have to make my staff bio stuff since the site opens in a week. I was told I can use my comic image that I use online for it, since it's basically my 'professional author image' despite not being a picture of my actual self. I was very happy, since...I have no 'professional' pictures of myself. -.- But let's see how I do writing a profile...For me!?

Hrm...That's all I can think to say at this stage. Off to lurking the web again. And seeing if any new work to edit was put in my folder.

24th September 2016, 11:33 PM
Thumb army...I'd watch a movie about that.
And it makes me want to look up thumb wrestling anime. There are anime about tona of sports, so there's a chance lol. And good luck on the reboot! I'm sure it'll be great :)

24th September 2016, 11:58 PM
Thumb army...I'd watch a movie about that.
And it makes me want to look up thumb wrestling anime. There are anime about tona of sports, so there's a chance lol. And good luck on the reboot! I'm sure it'll be great :)

I wonder if thumb wrestling can count as a sport? But if there is none, maybe I'll have to make one. Even if it's just one for my characters to enjoy in stories.
But it's true, there's lots of sports anime. There are three or four sports in particular I've seen a lot of anime about. They can be fun if done right. :D The thumb war hasn't ended by the way.

25th September 2016, 12:02 AM
The left thimbs have the advantage. But the right thumbs have a strategy...this ear is far from over! Lol
Whose side are you on?

25th September 2016, 12:38 AM
I'm ambidextrous. So I'm not on either side. Also apparently one of my coworkers is a dog.
-Things learned today that I should probably add to my journal.

(...I'm serious. Someone claimed to be a dog in their author bio xD)

25th September 2016, 12:51 AM
You work with Shiloh!! You remember? That kick ass educational show from the 90s with the Jack Russel? Am...am I aging myself? :'( lol.

25th September 2016, 01:21 AM
You work with Shiloh!! You remember? That kick ass educational show from the 90s with the Jack Russel? Am...am I aging myself? :'( lol.

I have a horrible memory and was in the single digits during the 90s, so it's possible I either didn't watch or just don't remember. Now I'm sad I don't though.
But yes. I work with a doggy for a magazine. You learned it here first folks: Dogs can use the computer just as well as any of us.

That said, I've seen some pretty talented animals. So I shouldn't be surprised.

28th September 2016, 01:36 AM
September 27th, 2016


I was feeling pretty crappy today, but right now, I'm in such awe. I've been online maybe an hour or two- and in that hour or two, I happened to look in my 'to edit' folder for work. Two very short stories, both extremely touching. I left two paragraphs worth of comments on one of them, in fact, because of just how strongly it affected me. I'm really excited for when it's published!

Oh, and Mantis told me about a great bundle today. One dollar for a piece of development software I've been looking at (because I'm a nut) and some games to go with it- including one that really tickles my Harvest Moon lover's fancy. One dollar, guys. Pretty sure it'd usually be fifty for just the program or something. I forget what it said. But a dollar is freaking amazing. Even a broke person like me could afford it. So yeah- I'm part of the Clickteam Fusion haver's party or whatever you wanna call it. Now to watch it download it's under a gig worth of data...(Did I mention I love small programs?)

Hrm, what else, what else...Been playing Eve of Genesis. I'm enjoying the characters, not so much the art at points (I'm sorry, Harty, your face looks weird when you talk). It has some neat features to it to me, with plenty of easter eggs to lurk along the path to...er...whatever the end game is, I don't know yet. I also like that the main enemies are 'robot monsters'. I'm dead serious. Sure, half the enemies on fields are like giant worms or mimics and such...But the bosses? Almost all bizarre machine monsters. Oh and apparently half the population of the world is from the Moon.

So yes. This is giving me ideas. And, y'know...Fun times. The way you add skills also kind of reminds me of Grace of Letoile, only permanent. Cool beans.
I just pray this game doesn't make me feel like crying too often like the previous ones have...

Well, off to installing stuff. And maybe actually getting a comic or two done. Hope all is well, lovely friends. :D

29th September 2016, 11:51 PM
September 29th, 2016

September is almost over. That means a LOT of things for me. Hurray, October?

For starters: The magazine I work for? The site officially opens up on October 1st. Meaning people will see the things I edited and my comics soon. THIS IS WHAT I GET PAID FOR GUYS. Well, will be paid for. When the payment stuff starts. October is also when NaNoWriMo's site opens its door for the new prep period...Because NaNo is IN A MONTH. Yes, technically a bit longer but... Just let me flail a bit.

Other things going on...I really have to get that letter into an envelope (gotta figure out which size fits best) to mail it. I forgot to look up if I need a special envelope for airmail...Oops. But another thing I have to prepare is a contest entry. Yes, you read that. For the first time in a decade or so, I'm entering a major poetry contest (being held by Writer's Digest). It actually costs money to join in, but dad thinks it's a good idea so he's spotting the ten or so dollars. I'm thinking of a specific poem to enter if it's okay that I posted it on DA a few years ago. I might try to write something fresh to be safe, though. But...I'm really proud of this one particular poem I wrote, and if I can, I want to share it more with people. So...I plan to try to shove that as my entry.

Wish me luck! And maybe send me some stability. I'm dizzy. xD

2nd October 2016, 12:12 AM
Good luck, June! And link us to your site and dA! I'd love to see your works! And good luck on the contest! :)

2nd October 2016, 01:32 AM
October 1st, 2016

It's officially October. I didn't get to take part in the kickoff party for the work's website launch, but I took a look at the website and it's looking pretty spiffy so far. Work now has a discord channel, so I'll probably have an easier time keeping up with chatter if it sticks mostly to there (why is Discord so much easier than Facebook for me? I don't even know). That said, I need to work harder on my author page. I have no idea what I'm doing right now though. Seriously why did I make that thing...xD

[EDIT: I talked to Mantis and he said links were okay in this case. Sooo here's the magazine (http://booksandquillsmag.com/) and my DA (http://juneberry-chan.deviantart.com/), since you asked.]

Returning to my update...NaNoWriMo is approaching steadfast! I've updated my profile on the website to include this year's novel info. I look forward to starting to join in on the chats there later- since I might beg someone to take me to the Kickoff Party again this year (how I got there last year was someone driving me from the site that's in my area- every area has its own kickoff and such, mini groups basically for wherever in the world you are). Might not ask the same person as last time since she just had a baby this year though. Busy mommy is busy.

I...had more to say, but honestly am too sleepy to think of what. Oh, somehow I was member of the month last month. So I'm still getting used to the yellow name (I keep seeing it and thinking Hari made his name longer I'm sooo slow xD). I'm still dying a little from laughter over the puns I've seen all day. Y'know, that and other stuff.

Speaking of puns...I should work on some more puns to make comics for work. And, y'know, work. (I meant to clean out my 3D model folders if I can find them so that ComiPo will work better. Time to find it again!)

4th October 2016, 08:12 PM
October 4th, 2016

Today's a venty-vent kind of day. I'm overheating at random (okay, so that's not totally new. But it's kind of annoying having to wear clothes when I feel like I'm in an oven just to be safe in case we get a delivery. -.-)...and my computer is slowly making me feel like throwing it through the window.

First ComiPo decided yesterday, "I'm not gonna let you do anything, lady. Even if you're perfectly connected to the neighbor's internet and I worked with you last week, I don't feel like believing you have a connection...And you can't use me then. MUHAHA." - This is my way of saying 'ComiPo requires online authentication whenever I open it, and refuses to connect to ComiPo servers even though my internet is fine'. So it's probably them...Probably.

ComiPo's facebook has gotten lazy. They rarely post anything in regards to updates about anything that could cause issues and such at this stage. I googled for help and think my only choice is gonna be sending support request. I still need a response from the RPGmaker group to find out how to send my receipts so that I can get the Steam version of my DLC for ComiPo, so I don't have to have BOTH VERSIONS installed at once. So yeah. That's my comic rant right there. On the bright side, I found where my 3D models are kept finally, so I got rid of ones I could recognize I didn't need- others can probably be taken out, but I can't check easily without it working. But that's not too bad.

Um...Other issues today: my computer's gotten slow again. I think it's really hot just like me xD But the main issue has been Steam, actually. Sometimes, when I start up my computer from hibernate, I can't use the steam browser to do anything (besides maybe get to my library, I can't find friends or check the steam forum posts). Ever since I added steam guard (using google voice on my tablet, eheh...) I also can't log in on an external browser to do such things without having my tablet nearby- and my dad often borrows my tablet when I'm on the computer (so basically I have to suddenly say "Hey dad gimme back my tablet just so I can log into steam kthx" - I feel like it's not nice...).

Oh well, at least I have the plans for how to deal with these things mostly. In less frustrating news...My grandma's coming over tomorrow (wait, that's less frustrating?). She's gonna help us pay for a parking ticket that got dad's license suspended because it costs too much and we've been in a rut lately. Hopefully, tomorrow we'll be able to drive to DMV to get that sorted out afterwards. And maybe we'll get some food shopping done and I can send out that letter.

Speaking of letters...NaNo is in a month, and I've barely started prepping. Okay, so I started before this month...But now I'm trying to prep with others. I'll likely stalk the forums there more later. Dad found my copy of No Plot? No Problem! by Chris Baty (the founder of NaNoWrimo), so I've started rereading it a bit since it's been a while. He includes a good amount of humor with his explanations on why NaNo exists, how to do things for your story, etc. It also explains how NaNo started and why he decided to do it (it happened in 1999, and he states the reason as: "Being surrounded by pet-supply e-tailers worth more than IBM has a way of getting your sense of what's possible all out of whack." - I told dad this one and he laughed. My aunt worked for IBM before switching to getting a medical degree. Dad loves to talk about IBM at random. So it made me giggle hearing this, and I knew he would too.)

Well, all that whining and such aside...I'm actually not as grumpy as I'm acting. Writing this all out has calmed me down, and now I just wanna cuddle up, read, and maybe hug everyone if I get the chance. Talk about a 180!

Well, time to go decide on something to do. I'm torn between working on RPGs or playing one I still haven't playtested. Hehe.

7th October 2016, 09:33 PM
October 7th, 2016

I was bedridden yesterday, but I got up early today (dad helped, and by early I mean just around noon or so in regards to waking). Yesterday my back hurt so badly that my migraines felt like nothing. Today...Migraines are worse than yesterday, but still not as bad, and my back pain's gone down, so I'm pretty happy.

The past two days have been birthday central for me. Wee all already know about today being Idolo and Mantis's birthday, but yesterday was also a day with two birthdays for me- two people I know IRL. My youngest cousin turned 18 (gak, she's already an adult!?) and one of my close friends offline turned sixty...something. Yes, she's in her sixties. We met through a special government program of sorts called the "Big Brother/Big Sister" program, which helps give kids a mentor/role model of their own gender when the parent leaves. We stayed friends well after I was pushed out of the program due to age. Hard to believe she's the only non-family member I talk to still that I've known since I was around nine years old.

Today was going pretty well...Until doom came to my door. And by doom, I mean the apartment manager sent someone to leave a note for us. Apparently, our rent payment didn't go through, so now we owe a late fee of around 80 bucks. We pay with an auto-payment system, so I have no idea why this happened. But yeah...I'm not happy (and neither is my dad, who pays the rent for us in the first place). Now if someone were at least there to answer the phone when we called about it...That'd have made me less irritated. But oh well. We'll manage...somehow. The fact that we only have until Monday to pay before they 'seek legal action' is irritating when it's not our fault, but we'll figure this out!

But seriously, we need that 80 bucks to pay a parking ticket. When it rains, it pours, right?

Okay, seriously, rant done now. I promise.
Now to hug everyone! Because that always makes me feel better. *hugs all and flies off into sunset*

(EDIT: Also something funny happened yesterday. My granny called saying we should hang out yesterday for her birthday. Which is November 7th. I think she got confused because she knew it was someone's birthday, just not her's...Her granddaughter's. Dad tried to help her figure out on her own whose birthday it was, but it took five to ten minutes to get through to her xD)

9th October 2016, 08:44 PM
October 9th, 2016

The pain levels I've been having lately are not fun...But they aren't keeping me away from having fun either! Okay, so...they kind of do at points. I've been spending even more time in bed than usual, because my pain meds just really aren't cutting it lately. Which is a bad sign in the aspect that I come from a family with high tolerance for narcotics/opiates, and I'm already on opiates as is (fun fact, I've been on them before. When I was a preteen and the 800mg of advil was no longer getting rid of my migraines. xD). I would really rather not need a higher dose...I already hate taking my meds. That said, I really need to make sure to call a few doctors tomorrow- namely the orthopedist, to get my legs checked finally so hopefully I won't need those knee supports I wear whenever I go out anymore. And, y'know, maybe they can take care of my spinal damage finally.

But, as I said...It's not keeping me away from fun all together. For starters, I regularly lurk the site via the magic of the OSN app. And yesterday, I did use my computer for a while- I just didn't log into steam and such because I was online for a 'party' with my coworkers at the magazine. We played four rounds of Cards Against Humanity before I couldn't take the pain anymore and got off. We also talked about lots of dumb stuff for fun. But basically, my coworkers killed me with laughter. Giving a bunch of writers blank cards along with regular ones and using EVERY DECK AVAILABLE...Leads to lots of insanity. I took a screenshot of every round and marked the winner each time (except one round where it got skipped because our boss got distracted and poofed).

I feel like a good comic idea would be to pit the writer and reader against each other with a random person playing said game or something based off it...I should talk to my boss about the idea. I already have one or two others to make though. Yay! (Also, assuming one of the new ones gets accepted by the boss soon, I'll probably tell her it's okay to start publishing since we wanted to make it weekly, and I was waiting to be about a month ahead.) When it's officially published I'll tell you, so you can start reading the work I've done.

So...I have been at least a little productive despite being in bed so much. This should definitely help push me to stop avoiding the phone enough to call those doctors...I hate phones (and I'm not much of a fan of doctors, either) but... Necessary evils are necessary, huh?

9th October 2016, 10:18 PM
Sorry to hear about the pain :'(. That can't be very fun.
But at least you got some fun with CaH. That's always a damn blast. I still remember two of the best combos my friends and I did.
"In his final moments, Michael Jackson thought about _______"
Answer: "Michal Jackson."

"Next on Lifetime, _______, the story of _______"
Answer: "Sunshine and Rainbows, the Three-Fifths Compromise."

10th October 2016, 12:08 AM
Best one from last night (to me) was: "____: Hours of Fun! Easy to Use! Perfect for ____!" - "Land mines, My first period."
Also I think we found a new game to add to the list of OSN game night ideas. If it wasn't already there.

12th October 2016, 12:03 AM
October 11th, 2016

Today was....Er...Interesting. Mostly surprise visits and no-shows. My grandmother stopped by out of nowhere with my uncle today (I was expecting someone, but not them!). They brought us food....in the middle of a holiday we're supposed to fast in that THEY KEEP PUSHING THE FACT OF. Dad and I don't follow Jewish traditions as much as my grandmother or uncle (my grandmother's pretty lax too, really, but...)...But still. Why do you bring food to someone the day you keep telling them not to eat?

That wasn't the best part though. I told them someone was coming in 10 mintues, but my grandmother refused to listen, took a phone call at my door, and shoved the phone in my face to make me talk to the person on the other side. Sure, talking to my aunt is nice, but no one in my family seems to understand when I say "I can't talk right now, I'm expecting my case manager"...It kind of means I need to go because my case manager is coming.

So I wasn't done with them until five. Luckily, my case manager didn't have to deal with them...But that's because, after waiting for two hours for him to come, he called and asked when our appointment was. It's rare he forgets, but even he can mess up I guess. It made me feel bad though about being kind of snippy with my grandmother, since I was just trying to get her to go home so I could meet with him without her causing complications...and then he didn't end up coming. He'll be coming on Thursday instead now (he assured me he wrote it down this time). I wonder if his toddler is making it hard to sleep lately?

Thursday is also my first proper 'meeting' with my coworkers. By that, I mean we're having a 'staff meeting' as opposed to a party like this weekend. I don't fully know what it entails, but basically I'll be snuggled up at my computer or on my tablet talking to them for an hour around 10PM my time (we use PDT apparently for work, but that's easy math at least thanks to growing up with family over in that timezone.)

We do chat in general at work though. And by 'at work', I mean we have a staff chatty place on FB and discord. Someone helped me realize I forgot two kind of important things for my nano-prep. First, how the hell did my main characters meet? I know the age they were overall when they met (their toddler forms know each other, so they met at that time of their life or so) but...HOW? Did they meet the same day they turned into age shifters? Or...?

Well, that's one loophole I'll figure out eventually. The other more notable issue is...My story setting kinda lacks a name. My dad helped me get an idea for now- Synchroni City. I love when he comes up with silly anagrams for me. I might change the spelling to Sinkroni or something just to make it less obvious. Not sure. But...That's one issue down!

I also found a new platform of sorts from one of my 'coworkers' called Storify, which is basically used to make it easier to find linked posts on social networking via...well...linking them? I don't fully get it yet. Stay tuned!

Anyway, that's about it for today. I'm expecting maintenance to come by sometime this week, but it's hard to say. Wish me luck? Have a wonderful day! (Yes I purposely wanted a rhyme)

12th October 2016, 01:44 AM
Well, if Ash and Gary can be rivals since they were both babies, anything is possible! Lol.

The forums I gel staff mostly use Skype for chatting. As nice as Discord is, I think we all just prefer Skype lol.
But, work meeting are usually pretty chill. You talk business, and that's about it. Though I have a feeling yours will be much less formal, just from the way your work environment seems to be. Which sounds like a fantastic place.

And I really need to read your dA stuff lol. I keep forgetting. I'm sowwy. Lol

13th October 2016, 12:13 AM
What is the Ash/Gary note related to? I couldn't tell.

yeah, based on our current random chattiness as is, I wouldn't be surprised if the staff meeting is informal. We're all in the midst of planning escape from alcatraz *cough the US election cough*. xD Also I just found out I'm the only editor in charge of literary work- the other two in the editing department with me are in charge of only articles and such. So...That explains why I got my own folder for 'to edit', and don't have access to the 'group folder' I kept hearing about. So there's that.

What's gel staff mean?

13th October 2016, 04:00 AM
Ash/Gary are from pokemon. In the original Red/Blue games, Professor Oak says "this is my grandson! You two have been rivals since you were born!" (Before forgetting his own grandson's name lol). I mean...how can you be rivals at BIRTH?
Also, "gel staff" is supposed to be help staff.
Thanks, auto-correct lol.

14th October 2016, 03:47 AM
October 13th, 2016

Today marks my first official staff meeting! Apparently we have one every month for the entire staff, plus section ones as needed. I also learned how editing and stuff will work for if I submit literary work, since I"m the only literary editor right now- one of the editors from the other department will take care of it (because editing yourself is kinda counter intuitive).

All in all, the meeting wasn't bad. It was glitchy as heck (everyone was having problems with hearing/making mics work on and off) and kind of taught me that I might really be better off with discord as an app than as a browser tab. Apparently a lot of people have problem with it in general in browsers. So yay! 2kb to download in a bit! Hrm...I also learned that my editor in chief is younger than me, which was kinda interesting.

Random jabber was common (not surprising with this group, we're all kinda chatty, and are chatting half an hour after the meeting while I'm typing this). Someone had text to speech enabled without push to talk or headphones, so we could hear anyone's typed reactions from their end, which was kind of funny. I also had a major mishearing moment and mistook the word one for something embarrassing that I won't say.

It was a productive meeting though. I learned a lot about policy overall, and how we accommodate for NaNoWriMo (since the group is formed of NaNo participants). So yep. That went well!

On the downside...Maintenance didn't come to fix our issues today...And apparently, inspection was TODAY, not tomorrow. Not sure if that was on purpose that maintenance avoided coming, to not be seen by the feds or what. But yeah. My door requires major strength to open. and the bathroom door requires equal strength (usually a body slam) to close.

I...Have no idea what else to say today. Time to do some comic and plotting and stuff.
And, y'know, plot out some posts to annoy you all with. Annoy being facetious of course. :)

(Also I managed to scare my work buddies when we were talking about how it feels having voices to the names rather than just icons...By saying "How do you know we're not all voices in your head? Dun dun dunnn." Oops.)

@Psuedo: Secretly they're siblings? (Get it? Sibling RIVALRY? *dies in a corner again*)

21st October 2016, 11:39 PM
October 21st, 2016

It's been about a week since my last post...actually a little over that. But oh well! Hrm...What's been new this week? Well, I've been doing lots of character plotting and such, and taking notes on any little entertaining thing that might work for filler. I finally got to start doing my part of the job for a small group of game developers I joined in and never mentioned- we gave ourselves a deadline for November 1st or so for the first game to be done (my job is essentially editing, but also some story work in general). So...That's exciting! It'll be a free, super simple RPG. But simple is a great start. I need to learn to keep things simple sometimes.

Oh, and I'm still talking to my editor-in-chief about when my comic (which has six ready, now) will start being put in weekly. I also submitted a poem, after having issues with the link for a while. The heads are working out the paperwork for us to fill out as employees. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten my Trade Name (legal term for 'Does Business As' aka my pen name) registered yet, so I have to sign as my actual name until I get my trade name done....So I'll be bugging dad later about that, since it costs 19 bucks or so (there's a fee depending on payment method). We'd talked about it before and thought it was a good day, but...Lots of issues financially recently.

It's been WAY TOO HOT for it to be October. But it's starting to cool off kind of. Hopefully the kids won't be burning next week if/when they go trick or treating in the area. Also, we have no candy yet. Oops. Think they'd mind granola bars of sorts? Hrm...

Um...Started playing some FFVIII again. Got confused, but also got help, so that's neat. After my first game over, I decided to try Chocobo World. It's so simple and cute and...hard. Like, I have no idea how to do things besides move, really. xD But it's fun. Just need to figure out a strategy to beat up that creature I met in the communication tower...I WILL FIND A WAY.

So yep. I guess stuff happened? Hope all's well!

EDIT: Heard back from EiC (I'm gonna start writing this instead of Editor in Chief because of being lazy). It's been decided that the comic will start running next Saturday, the 29th. Apparently it was a debate for a while because they'd wanted to do it this week, but we have a NaNo prep party tomorrow I didn't realize. Might not make it to the party, but hey. Excitement is building! *flails*

I wonder what kind of reactions the comic will get...I hope I'll find out!

23rd October 2016, 01:11 AM
October 22nd, 2016

Today's been...Er...Interesting. For those of you who know what Discord is, there are bots you can input into servers that do various things. During a party in a server for work, we decided to play with Clay- who has a game to play called "No One Has To Die". It's kind of like a visual novel of sorts. Basically, you choose who dies at each section, and that leads to different endings. We got to 3/4 of the endings and were finishing one of them when I messed up and yelled at the screen. What does that mean? well, we had to tell Clay to do things (mostly just said next a lot). We were allowed to randomly say stuff at those times too. The only times we couldn't was when it told us to save one of the characters.

I yelled at one of them to stop during Next. IT ENDED OUR GAME. We didn't get to see the final scene. We found out to win, everyone has to die basically. Each person gets one chance to live through. So...Yeah. We're replaying now to see what Steve had to say.


23rd October 2016, 03:13 AM
Pfft. I'd imagine that goof was worth a few laughs.
But it sounds like you're getting along well with your coworkers, which is awesome! :)

23rd October 2016, 07:42 PM
Yep, they're all really nice. The head exec let us listen ton her daughter sing before bed randomly too. Also we did finish it! And regretted it because the ending just leaves you with more questions. NaNo fodder maybe?

25th October 2016, 02:51 AM
October 24th, 2016

I made a big step- of kind of did- today, in regards to my social issues offline. We lost our internet for most of the day. If you forgot/didn't know, we borrow our neighbor's internet (they have a special account for us to use and whatnot- we're not stealing.) They had something weird going on today where they got locked off the web...but what was weird was it was only web PAGES. I was using a few apps on my tablet with their internet just fine (and when it stopped being fine, I switched to the really crappy hotspot nearby).

But...This hasn't happened before. I've never seen a Verizon page to log in because of account issues. I honestly got worried if something was going on with them- so I took initiative! I rang the bell and knocked on their door. Unfortunately, I can't say anything happened outside that. Either no one was home or no one was available, I dunno (I thought I heard people, but it might've been next door instead?). So, I wrote a note on a little whiteboard we have on my door to talk to them. It took a couple hours, but they did see the message and write back. I'm gonna call this a step in the right direction!

The internet's still a little off, but I'm feeling good so far about it anyway. And tomorrow I have an individual meeting with the exec at the magazine for a proper orientation and info session. So far, I know that I'll be able to write off internet and electricity in the near future to some degree as expenses for work on my taxes (though I'll also have to start filing taxes... I wonder if I can ask my friend that's an accountat to help?).

Well, that's all for now. Off to lurk the web and look up "copyright issues" with internet o.O;

25th October 2016, 07:50 PM
October 25th, 2016

I'm trying really hard not to have a mini panic attack as NaNo gets closer. No, NaNoWriMo itself doesn't scare me...But in recent years, I've been trying to be more social (trying, key word). Many writers that take part in NaNoWrimo meet offline to all hang out and write together and stuff- those meet ups are called "Write Ins" and they vary a lot in terms of who goes, where they're held, etc. However, so far, none are in walking distance to me. As I can't just assume my dad can drive me, I got someone in the area last year to drive me. It was a nice girl around my age who was 4-5 months pregnant at the time. This year, naturally, she's pretty busy with the infant. So, I'm lurking for someone new.

As you probably know, I have anxiety over males. I've gotten better over the years, but there's a difference between someone I know and someone I feel is essentially a stranger. Someone reached out to offer me a ride, since I'm on their way to the same ones I went to last year. As you can guess from my earlier note: It's a guy I don't know. So far, he's agreed to come in and talk to my dad and me, so that makes me a little less panicked. But...Still, the anxiety is still there.

As for why I have such anxieties, it's TMI and awkward and triggery- so, I'm not getting into that.

Besides that...I haven't done much. I met with my case manager (dad had to wake me up because I forgot about the appointment and he came and I was sleeping xD). He referred me to someone I can ask my doctor to give me a referral for that does specific types of psychological testing. For years, my family has been pushing (and this includes my grandma, who refuses to believe anything is wrong with our family usually) that there's a fair likelihood I have very mild aspergers or something of the sort. After learning some of my other issues, even my hearing, could be related to it...I'm even more intrigued, years later. However, every time my family or I have asked a doctor to get me tested, they all say the same thing: "It's too much trouble since the terms are changing." "You have enough diagnoses."

Yes, I have plenty of diagnoses. I can name five psychiatric off the back of my hand, plus quite a number of medical as well. But some of them could be inter-related. If we diagnosed something that could be an underlying cause...That'd mean deleting some of my laundrylist of issues, right? I wouldn't have to put on papers about my severe hyper acuity, which essentially causes sensory overload from any sound- even my typing hurts my head sometimes! A whisper should NOT sound like a scream. It's one thing when I have a migraine...But the noise issue is constant. Thus my ear defenders.

I admit, I'm self conscious with them. People tend to get even louder when I wear them, assuming I can't hear them or am ignoring them. But guess what? I CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE DANGIT. I'm wearing them so I don't hear you so fine I want to cut my skull in half from the pain in my ears.

Anyway...That's my rant for today. My arms hurt, and again...My typing is hurting my head. xD

27th October 2016, 12:50 AM
I can relate to that a little. Looming deadlines or even an upcoming task can drain the life out of me. :aishawtf: Offline meetings, huh? Maybe you should keep it in mind. When I wasn't a nervous wreck I went to one a decade ago. I think I explained about that autistic girl who liked me and drew a photo-realistic picture of me after the meeting. Anyway, not meaning to hijack. Trying not to be a hypocrite, I'm just saying that you might meet some really interesting people if you go.

If it might help you with your male anxiety, I think meeting the guy in your house is a good idea. It goes without saying that there will be guys at the offline meeting, so anything that helps! To be honest, I can't say I entirely disagree with your doctors. It is possible to have too many diagnoses. And sometimes, aside from financial support (at least in the UK), an extra diagnosis won't bring much. Rather than an answer, it might lead to more questions. You are who you are. You don't need a label slapped onto your personality. I'm speaking from experience. I was tested for Asperger's a long time ago, but oddly, the fact I had an online girlfriend at the time proved that I don't have it, according to them. My parents were angry since they weren't getting their money. Frankly, I was glad. My identity isn't for sale.

There are keyboards that are designed to muffle typing sound. I suggest looking into them. :swanzothinking:

27th October 2016, 02:37 AM
I can certainly understand your hearing anxiety. While I don't have it as badly as you do, I do get stressed easily if I'm in a large crowd, or even if I'm in a loud restaurant. So I know how that can feel. :(
And I agree with Mantis. I think it's a good idea for the guy to come meet you at your house. Hopefully that can relieve a bit of the stress.

27th October 2016, 03:28 AM
@Mantis if that's something that counts as proof, I guess I have to just accept I have a plethora of sensory problems with no correlation. But that's what I want- answers. Half my diagnoses don't mix properly to me in concept. :/

@Both He offered to come visit and say hello this weekend first (the first set-up is next Tuesday! Yay November!) He also taught me they'd totally changed the meeting place. Now it's a major chain we'll be writing at, and easier to reach for dad too- it's right near my granny, so on days he CAN drive, he can just drop me off and hang out with his mom for a bit.

That said...I have to message him back soon about meeting this weekend. I slept most of the day from feeling unwell, and I feel groggy still. :/

29th October 2016, 10:05 PM
October 29th, 2016

Haven't been on my computer in a few days now, and been kind of anxious...well, a lot anxious. They're unrelated, mind you. The anxiety has a mix of sources. Dad's been frustrated with Motor Vehicles, because he needs to pay 100 bucks to get his license reinstated. First their online system (which he was told he could use) doesn't work at all. Then, he got a ride this morning (he wanted to go the day before but couldn't). Apparently, though they're open on weekends, that service is never available on them- and it's only available at all in specific places. Good news is we found out from my neighbor about a minibus that goes to a stop right in front of the one in the city next door (which does have that service). It also is a type of privatized public transit that has tons of buses, and one will be at the bus stop around every five minutes. Downside is it's a bit of a walk for those of us who don't go for walks much to get go the one nearby...but if we see it on the way, we can apparently flag it down. So that's good.

Why is it critical we get it fast? Well, we have to go to a city not quite as close for our rental assistance review meeting we get every year. And it's on Tuesday. He also wanted it pronto for emergency since, well, I do have plans to go out quasi-regularly for write ins with a stranger, meaning I'd be on their schedule. But it's also just to get food. Eheh....

Why else am I anxious? Business and a TMI topic. But I lack a filter. So yeah: basically I'm dreadfully waiting for my late period to start. I'm constantly going to look for blood, been having severe PMS (it does usually start a couple days before, but not almost a week...)...etc. So yeah, I haven't been fun to be around...for anyone, really. That said, I've also been acting in an avoidance manner lately. I finally got on steam for the first time in a couple days last night because I missed my boyfriend- and I was freezing. Love is great. Just seeing his name can make me feel warm and fuzzy. I wonder how lame that sounds? XD

Not as cold today, but still not up to computer. I do have writing ideas though...maybe I'll make a note in Google docs. See you later fellas!

31st October 2016, 01:46 AM
October 30th, 2016

I'm using my computer for the first time in a few days now. I found out the other day that I can't seem to use my usual editing method on my tablet, so looks like I can't do my work there (I've contacted google to see if I'm just missing something). When I turned on my computer, it apparently had restarted...And when I started my programs as usual, it decided most of them should fail the first couple times.

My name matches everyone else's in color again! I can't decide how I feel about it- it took me a lot of time over the last month to get used to my name being the golden color one (since before me was Hari, so I kept assuming golden = Hari). Now I'm gonna have to get used to the equation Golden = Pseudo. Meanwhile, I'll probably be making 99% of my computer have random splashes of blue. Why? Because NANO. IS. TOMORROW (for some people). Or for me, rather, it's in....Uh...About 27 hours. The logo for NaNo is primarily a blue viking helmet (why? I have no idea)- I say primarily because the proper logo has a sort of coat of arms on it. But a lot of people own (not real, mind you) viking helmets in blue that they'll wear to show off their love of NaNo. I don't have one, but someone let me wear it for a picture last year or so at a kick-off party. :D I should go find that.

Lots to do on Tuesday- and tomorrow, actually. Tomorrow I have to go into the city (er, that sounds confusing to me because of NJ slang. We call New York City just 'the city' usually, but...I mean the city that my town is next to. Not NYC.). We're likely going by bus or someone will have to drive us (dad may end up doing it even though that's bad...Since we're going to get his license reinstated at MVC). Tuesday, we get more government fun because of paperwork at the people who help us afford to have a roof over our heads. And after that, I have tentative plans to go to a write-in at Panera with that guy who I haven't actually gotten to meet up with yet (might tomorrow, not sure?). I did find out by fluke that he likes anime though. Gonna drill him to see if he likes OLS, since that'd be epic. Now if I could find my drill...

My comic was officially published on the magazine's website as of yesterday. I've got a real high from that emotionally. I got some things done today too- like laundry (almost finished) and whatnot. Not that it's a big achievement, but...I hate chores, I'm gonna go ahead and feel proud I did them so that I don't hate them quite as much.

My wrists hurt. I'm still not used to using my computer as much huh? I also used them a lot to beat another jrpg this weekend from Kemco though. Nice storyline overall, but with defintively irking cliffhangers. I hate when they do that to me! This is two games now that did this! Dead Dragons has me still wondering a lot too. :/ Otherwise it was a good game, though.

Well, I'm off for now. Time to frolic about and fold some clothes soon...and eventually go through my near thousand of notifications on DA. Fun...-.-
Er, lots of hugs! :D

Also, fun fact...It was hot today. Like summer hot, plus a thunderstorm. Mother Nature hasn't made up her mind yet....

1st November 2016, 06:49 AM
Well, I hope everything works out with the DMV. That place is almost always miserable. (Though I did almost see someone get tased at a DMV once.).

I just read your comic, and I really like it! It's a simple concept, but it's funny!

1st November 2016, 06:53 AM
@Pseudo - Dad figured out that the reason the site wasn't working was because the DMV department that did what he needed was closed. He opted to try it today online since we couldn't get out, and guess what? IT WORKED. So yeah. He paid what he had to and should be fine now.

Now if we knew when our appointment was tomorrow....

Also question guys: In my upcoming journal posts, should I include my word count at that stage for NaNo? It started almost 3 hours ago and I'm doing well so far.
...So far.

2nd November 2016, 09:09 PM
Well, that's good. It's always nice when you find the solution easily like that. :)
And yeah, I think you could use these posts for Nano. They're well done, and sound professional, so I approve! ^_^ lol.

3rd November 2016, 01:38 AM
November 2nd, 2016
Total Words for Nano So Far: 3875

I did most of the words I have yesterday. In fact, I finished the first 2k by 3AM, and did about another thousand at that write in. The guy who drove me is nice, and so is his girlfriend (she came because of timing issues and just sat there and did homework for her senior thesis or something.)

The WiFi at Panera sucks, and today, ours does too. In fact, I'm not using the neighbor's at all (can't find it). I'm using a barely working nearby hotspot. XD

Um...not much else going on, really. I have a major write in on Saturday, though (same person offered to drive me to any I'm on the way for, including the late kick-off party). There's probably gonna be 20-40 writers there, and I've been in this group before too. It's at an AMAZING library, which I otherwise never go to since I'm in a different county. But it's huge guys. I'm so jealous of Morris County. ;-;

Oh, and I have something in my mouth, on the inside of my cheek. It's painful to touch and on s section that's rather near my teeth. I forgot to whine to my doctor when I went today. Ugh.

Lots of love, all! I won't be in steam until I have more workable internet, but I'll still be trying to be around. :D

4th November 2016, 07:06 PM
October 4th, 2016
Word Count: Approximately 4,220?

Having troubles with my writing program today, but slowly getting it to work moderately better. The problem? As of yesterday or the day before, I couldn't look back at previous chapters. Okay, so I didn't "need" to, but I couldn't remember some details...And either way, that's an issue. My program separates chapters into different files of sorts that I can open as needed, and I can separate them into 'scenes'. I couldn't get to lurk at all. Which makes me sad. I sent a bug report, but still...The issue was there. So, I figured, "let's close the project and re-open it".

Guess what? When I closed the project, project manager showed I had no words. NONE. None of my 4k were existing. Freaking out, I restarted the program completely. It took a few times to actually make it load at all, but...Once it loaded, thankfully, it recognized I had words again. That freaked the heck out of me. Another nifty thing is I was pointed ot how to change my text- which I like, since I'm not so fond of how big the font is right now. Now I can choose whatever font I want from my computer, the size, line spacing....and set it so it actually knows to indent my paragraphs. So, pretty nifty stuff. I wonder which is the childish font on my computer...?

Side note, after changing my font and such, I opted to test my chapters. IT WORKS. I can look back if I feel like it again! And now, my color scheme for the writing area is way easier on my eyes (I hate black on white with a passion, It just hurts...)

Now to figure out what the weird sound I keep hearing at points when I type is. I know it's something related to the desk top bouncing, but not sure why it happens with even mild movement. :/ Oh well. I'll manage.

I have plans tomorrow to go to the 'kick off' party for my area. Normally we hold it on the first of the month, but the ML (municipal liason) hasn't been well, has a number of kids, etc...So it was pushed to the 5th this year. My ride has to come pick me up to go 40 minutes south though. I feel bad, since I doubt it's actually on the way for him. But yay for going to one of the most epic libraries I know! Too bad it's not in my county, so I can't use it otherwise. But 3 hours of writing, fun people and noms? Seems like a nice change. :D

Wish me luck as I try to get to today's proper daily goal, which I'm already well behind. That said, I'll be online and such today. My internet's back to working (we still have no idea why it didn't work yesterday at all, but considering the opposing company came out of nowhere to fix fiber optic cables...Dad said I should use the chat with them as inspiration for one of my conspiracy theorist characters. Which I probably will), and chatting won't hurt. That said, I'll be listed as 'busy' no matter what, since I'll be in between writing and lurking the web for various stuff (research, breaks, etc).

Now to write down notes from my research on slugs. Yes, I know that sounds weird. Just...Don't mind it too much. xD

5th November 2016, 08:37 PM
November 5th, 2016
Total so far: 9,463

I'm writing this entry from a write-in. Why? Because why not? I'm surrounded by loud writers and tasty food in a major library with HORRIBLE internet. But hey, I've gotten a good number of words. I also won a word war (basically, timed writing. Person with most words in that time wins). It actually got me a prize, too: one of those rubber band bracelet things dedicated to NaNo. So yay! Free stuff! Apparently only the ML can get them, so most people get them as prizes. I didn't expect to win any though. So that was neat.

I've started jumping around in my story writing, however. My novel isn't really..."In order". But hey, that's not so bad. Though now someone just horrified my paranoid mind! xD The ML just told us: "When a randomly loud alarm goes off, don't panic. There's actually someone in the hallway calling out that the library is ending soon when that happens. It's not a bomb threat."

Why do we always jump to these kinds of ideas!? Oh well.

We're all also talking about events to have after NaNo. And various other things. This is probably the loudest room in the library...And we're all supposed to be writing! (Wait, I'm writing a post. Technically that doesn't count...Oh well!)

Anyway...My ML may end up a gold mind of ideas for toddler events. She has one. And she's pregnant. Oh god....An age shifter that's pregnant. I'm getting ideas. SEND HELP.

Oh and the empty gap in the room is a member's word count. True story. I'll show a picture later that brought that joke. Maybe.

See ya later!

7th November 2016, 10:40 AM
Bomb threat and library closing. I can see how those two can be mixed up lol. But really...why say that? That's so Damn weird lol.
It's awesome that you seem to be having a great time! :)

7th November 2016, 04:33 PM
It's a group of insane writers trying to complete an insane challenge. Who has time for sanity or logic when you have to write 10,000 words every six days or to reach the goal? Though that's actually not as scary as it sounds, sometimes it feels insane. Other times I finish a few thousand in a day and am like "lol what's so hard about this again?" o.o;

7th November 2016, 07:50 PM
Logic and sanity...two words lost on most people on the internet, and pretty much always in a good way lol.
Well, good luck with the challenge, June! ^_^

7th November 2016, 11:37 PM
Logic and sanity...two words lost on most people on the internet, and pretty much always in a good way lol.
Well, good luck with the challenge, June! ^_^

I constantly say my motto with writing is to break logic anyway. It's right there in my avatar/icon thingy xD

22nd November 2016, 02:36 AM
November 21st, 2016

I'm not bothering with the word count thing because it's too annoying to do the math and such at this stage. I started so many projects this month without thinking...I seem to be focused on two now, at least, and one of them is actually originally a comic project of mine I plan to redo, so this helps me plan for it kind of. I'm far, far behind where I should be. But...It's not the end of the world, I suppose. I won't give up, by any means! I just...Keep getting stuck. It doesn't help we've had no adequate heat lately, and we've got a bug in the house (kind of like a flu bug? Not sure honestly. Haven't seen a doctor).

I'm not sure who I am more excited to tell about this error I made last night...I forgot to tell my boyfriend, but I think he'll get a kick out of it when I tell him tomorrow. I also plan to tell my writing friends (because anything someone says to a writer can and likely WILL be used for plot/character fodder, and this'll be good fodder I'm sure!). At 3AM, unable to sleep and such...I decided that, knowing me, I wouldn't be able to even wake up in time for an appointment I had today with an orthopedist (which I need to reschedule now, still). So, I went to my notes and called the doctor's office to leave a message. Somehow, I spaced when the answering service picked up and said "Cross County Cardiology" - emphasis on CARDIOLOGY. See, my notes also had a referral for a cardiologist for my procedure that works out of the hospital I like (or so I'd been told they do). I called them on accident, and spent probably 10 minutes trying to tell the people at the answering service I was cancelling an appointment with a doctor who didn't work there. I finally looked and realized what happened, freaked out, and apologized. They were totally cool with it mind you. "It's fine, we all do silly things like this at 3AM. Any way I can help?" "Nope, but I'll call back soon to make an actual appointment!" I did get to call the right doctor afterward. So the appointment did get cancelled...I hope.

Another funny thing happening lately: My phone keeps calling my dad. Or at least, my dad keeps receiving calls from my phone. He came to check on me when I was on the toilet (yay TMI time?) and asked me why I was calling him. "Uh...I don't even HAVE my phone." I made sure to check my call logs: nope, it didn't call him. Then this evening, I got a missed call and went to call my voicemail. Ended the call early, dad gets a call from my phone AGAIN. Seriously. Not sure what's going on here. It's kinda spooky. And this time, I was in the same room as him xD

Other things, other things...Um, I started crying while writing today because the scene was emotional. And then it went totally off from what it was meant to, as usual. Based on what happened, I get the feeling I'll have to delve deeper into this side character from the heroine's past in this project. Somehow, a simple car crash became a possible homicide. This may make a lot of sense though with how she grows up after the fact (It's her uncle who raised her. She blames herself for his death.)

I plan to put more snippets of fun and less fun scenes in my art thread later. And maybe work on comics since I want to have a backlog for myself to meet my weekly quota at work after NaNo ends. One a week should seem easy, but...I need to do it when I have muse. Otherwise it'll not work out well -.- Any prompts are most welcome. Also hugs and wishing me luck at Thanksgiving this week with my grandmother. :beer:

23rd November 2016, 08:56 AM
Lol. 3AM can make us do silly things, for sure.
Also, just have to mention this: I read it as "Cross CountRY Cardiology" lol. Words are hard, June :'( .
But I hope you feel better. It sucks when bugs like that go around.

23rd November 2016, 04:30 PM
Lol at cross country. Sadly, I don't think I could go to a California doctor even if I wanted with my insurance.:P3AM is kind if my norm, though I've been aiming at earlier. 1-2AM is common though for me...for now.

25th November 2016, 09:18 PM
November 25th, 2016

This has been one of my very...low productivity Novembers. I've gotten bits and pieces done, but my brain has been scattered. My health has been frustrating me on and off constantly for weeks. I've had days and weeks where I've felt like hell with a hangover. Today is one of those days.

I missed out on seeing my family for Thanksgiving yesterday. I was kind of stressed about it in general, because family gatherings are often like that...But I was excited, at the same time. Instead, I stayed in bed all day. I was breaking a fever, dad thinks- because I started the day feeling as hot as an oven or a radiator. I sweat so much it was insane, and I stopped managing to feel comfortable in my own clothes or my bedding (which I desperately need to clean the latter).

But last night, after sleeping the day away to break that fever...Somehow, I began to feel even worse. The hot and cold flashes have calmed down, but I have this constant disorientation right now that my medicine I've always had for it can't seem to help. My insides are shaking in hysteria, I get random itching spells all over- in fact, it got so bad I decided to try my dad's special shampoo for his psoriasis, because one of the worst itching centers was my scalp and my face and my neck. I've learned I'm not a big fan of coal tar shampoo- though it feels kinda nice after the fact, the usage part was really...Gross. It feels gritty and to be honest I didn't feel like I was cleaning my hair OR my scalp. But now, my hair feels pretty nice later on. Different, but nice. Sadly, the itching is still there, and I worked hard to clean every piece of my body thoroughly. I used heavy duty moisturizer when I dried off because I noticed the water felt harder (as in chlorinated more)- our filter must be failing more now.

No matter how clean or moisturized I make my skin, the itching fits continue. Dad's basically got me on a constant anti-histamine regimen now: the one for the vertigo, one for the histamine itself...I think he's worried whatever was in the leftovers didn't agree with me, or something else might not be. He's very insistent on treating me with allergy medicines. Slowly but surely, it does seem to help at least a bit. But...It only helps so much. Scritch scritch is a common term for me to use when I think right now.

Enough whining from me. Other things to talk about...Well, while my writing hasn't been fluid and productive, I've started so many projects it's ridiculous. But at the same time, I do try to use my muse however I can. I've got a project just for poems, I'm rewriting an old comic project in prose, and I'm also taking any motivation I can get just to work on...well...work.

Some of the things I'm writing, I'm proud of. Other things? I want to throw them in a garbage can. Part of me has thought of cheating for NaNo, but that makes me feel wrong. I have thought of taking on the special trial of Scrivener though. Basically all the other writers I know use it, besides a few of us. Apparently, the way the company does trials is pretty nice. Starting a 30 day trial? It's not that if you start on the 1st of a month you end on the 30th. It's about whatever days you actually open it, until you've used it 30 days. Only use it once a month? Then you get it until you've used it for 30 months, basically. But...I like my current writing program. It doesn't have the same bells and whistles, but it's got what I need most of the time. The only reason I've even thought of cheating on NaNo is to get discounts on some writing software, but with how much my computer's been acting up, it's probably best not to worry about it anyway.

I have a lot of writing left to do in general though. I have an email or two to write up for personal reasons. I'm going to do some poetry today too, I think...And I'm probably gonna send some snippets of what I've written this month (and in general) to my boyfriend just for fun. See how he reacts, y'know?

Hrm...I've rambled a lot today. I should be more cautious how I do that. But...I feel like I haven't been showing myself much on here lately. I'm kind of guilty over that. I want to get even closer with everyone- I say that a lot. But I'm not going to be able to if I don't work hard on it!

Anyway...Off to write and to lurk and to hug everyone I see. Because I love all of you here. OSN is my family. Or a big part of it. Know I'm thankful for all of you. <3

Side note: I'm gonna start a gratuity journal. Basically, every day I'll write down 3 things that I'm thankful/happy from. Hopefully I won't constantly be adding the same thing over and over. I'm trying to learn to be more positive, you see. I tend to be a weird mix of pessimism and optimism- it really varies a lot. Everyone, please help me become more optimistic. If you think of something to be thankful for, don't be afraid to tell me. :D

Er, okay, I rambled more and more than I meant to. Sorry about that. xD
Here's a glimpse at my gratuity of today:

1. I'm thankful to my dad for giving me as much aide as he can when he sees me suffering. He works hard to help me and remind me I'm not alone in things. And he does a lot of other stuff. Basically, I just love my dad so much. <3
2. I'm thankful for the kind friends I have that help me and read my rambling tendencies. You know, I rarely get reprimanded for my rambling...but I do get a lot of people that try to help me understand half of what I say. I love my friends. All of you are family to me.
3. I'm thankful for writing. I know it sounds silly, but words have always been special to me. I'm thankful that I can use them to help me figure myself out...And also that they can help so many people smile when I use them right!

26th November 2016, 03:08 AM
I know how annoying itching fits can be. I get those with my eczema a lot. I feel for ya, for sure *hugs*
and you don't have to apologize for rambling lol. I know I do it all the time when I'm talking.
Oh, and you gotta tell us how your boyfriend reacts to your writing! :)

26th November 2016, 10:13 PM
I don't have eczema, but sometimes I have nightmares I'm going to inherit dad's horrible psoriasis. I'll stick to having neither if I can.


November 26th, 2016

I got some writing in today. I was reminded how useful google translate can be, as well as how much I both love and despise this one character... Oh well. I got some words in. Words are good. :)

I'm washing my bedding today, in hopes that it might help me sleep better after last night's hell from the itching and generalized discomfort fest. Dad noted he was worried I missed my meds the other day, and he may be right. All I know is the constant antihistamines are working to keep the itching mostly at bay. It'd work better if I stopped thinking about it. But...The good news is I'm washing my bedding! I probably don't wash my sheets enough, honestly.

So the other day when dad came home, I forgot to note this...He was given my grandma's iPad. She gave it to him so he could learn how to use it so she can learn (but knowing her she'll forget so basically it's ours xD). Dad tried to play with it today but...It needs her to log into something for some reason and we don't know the details for it. And I dunno if she does either. Aunt might (who gave it to her) but...Ugh. No idea. But that means EVENTUALLY I get to play with an apple product. Any insights on this will be helpful, since I suck with my android and I'm USED to that. xD

Hrm...More to say...I saw lots of random fun things today online. One of my writing friends showed me a site for ambient sound that included cats purring. That was fun to look at. I also got to see some funny stories from fellow writers about their lives, and there was clickbait for a bunch of really polite ways of cursing someone. For example, "May your life be as 'pleasant' as you are" and "May your chair produce a sound similar to a fart, but only once, such that you cannot reproduce it to prove that it was just the chair.". There were about twenty, the last one being about not remembering them. Which I don't...Hey it worked! xD But I have the link so that's good.

But yeah. A fellow writer shared something his kid said that sounds like something I'd have done when I was younger.
Parent: What would you like for breakfast?
Kid: *reading* Whatever takes the longest so I can finish this chapter.


Gratitude Today!
1. My dad for knowing how my body and brain work better than I do sometimes and shoving meds that will help me into my mouth basically xD
2. My coworkers at the literary magazine and our friends in our NaNo discord chat that will probably stay open year round because who actually pays attention to the month part? xD
3. Google translate making one of my characters easier to write because I'm too lazy to just make up a language on my own right now.

29th November 2016, 08:31 PM
November 29th, 2016

NaNoWriMo is near its end, meaning my hiatus from other work (including my comics) will resume. Our writing group will not, however. Our Discord will stay open year round, and the Panera write-ins are to be the same...so I have to talk to Josh about the later (or just beg dad to take me on days he can).

After just getting over a flu of some sort and since my PMDD (Think PMS but worse and longer) has been out of control, I'm a bit worried about going out tonight. I'm scary sometimes when I'm like this, and well...I'm not as good controlling my spurts of irritability offline as online (and even online I can be snippy, I admit).

That aside, I won't stop my writing even when November ends. But I might try to stop obsessing with it. I need more in my life. Like doctors. I made two appointments with new doctors next week...and one may help with the PMDD! The other is more for a second opinion about my secondary arthritis, fibro and all that. Waiting on calls back for other doctors.

My dad figured out a way for me to possibly talk to people offline in other countries (LDRs, y'know?). It's gonna require talking to my grandma for permission, but we know she has international calling. One day when visiting I might try using it! :D

Speaking of, I saw granny the other day. Got lots of hugs and hiding done (hiding because she and dad were arguing with my aunt over the phone- long story). We had a nice meal and I learned my uncle lives with her now. It's kind of a relief...

I took pictures while there, so look forward to seeing them! I hate double posting, so I'll edit my last post in photo thread later. :) Also met an amazing artist yesterday in a waiting room, and she reminded me I had an instagram to watch her on. Great stuff. :)

1st December 2016, 11:54 PM
December 1st, 2016

I'm so used to writing 'November' I still tried to write it. HURRAY, I TOTALLY KNOW WHAT MONTHS ARE! Um...That aside, I've spent a lot of time today editing. Not for work, mind you- I haven't even LOOKED in my editing folder for work. Just...Eep. No, I was editing a friend's website for them today. I learned a few things: how to use the WordPress editor mostly, along with how to efficiently ruin someone's day unintentionally by not realizing how to update a draft vs. a published blog post. But mostly just broke the site a few times due to the editor confusion. :/

Then, I started lurking my posts. And by that, I mean I noticed a tiny error in my previous post (no big deal, just somehow my turned into MyBitFit because I HAVE ONE? xD). Also I seem to have a thing for random caps today for emphasis. Not sure why.

NaNoWriMo is officially over...And way more mainstream nowadays than it was when I started joining in around a decade ago. Yep, it's so mainstream someone mentioned it on one of my favorite television shows. It wasn't especially notable, but it made me giggle for a bit. Though, it was also a comedic game show, so that would be intended anyway.

I'm kind of worried about my computer...again. I was SURE I made space. But when I just looked, it says I have barely 7 gigs on my C drive left. I didn't get a new hard drive! Dad ordered me an SD card for my tablet, not for my computer! Seriously, I just noticed this. This is a problem. What the hell is wrong with my computer? What is taking all my space? I need dad to treesize this STAT. And I also have to do some work, but...y'know...that's for later. Since I can't get him to right now.

Um...I don't know what else to say. I guess I'll run on ahead to writing and maybe get some work done. Or, y'know...Laze around while I ponder all this. :P Outlaws, don't forget to do your best again today!

2nd December 2016, 10:25 PM
December 2nd, 2016

I HAVE SPACE. I finally figured out how my dad's favorite program for finding the giant files on my computer worked and had him help me decide which of the giant files to get rid of (when I say giant, I mean I made 50+ gigs of space, guys). Apparently, half my space was being used up by log files from my various file movements or...something. Dad said based on what they were it was safe to delete them. I can already see the difference!

So yes, I'm very happy right now. On the other hand, my throat hurts. Also, we got more packages beat up on arrival from Amazon, including a glass pill container that we're lucky didn't completely break. But, we also got that nice big microSD for my tablet, meaning it'll have more space than ever. Dad even got one for himself (though smaller). I'm just really happy overall right now.

Besides the fact I have to make a phone call or two today, still.

4th December 2016, 02:57 AM
I know what you mean. I'm still writing 11 for the month lol.
And yay for computer space!!:aishagrin:
That's quite a bit more space you were able to get! Yay!

7th December 2016, 11:45 PM
December 7th

First of all, I just realized I haven't bugged my friend whose birthday it is yet. I've known her since we were in middle school and have called her my 'older sister' just as long (I have a few friends I call sisters from my school years). I'll have to go do that in a bit.

But first...is it really winter almost? I ask because the weatherman says it should be cold- in fact, it'll reach freezing temps in the later nights coming up...But IT'S BURNING IN THIS HOUSE. I feel like my home is an oven. We're doing anything we can to cool down. But...Why does it feel so hot?

Hrm...Not been up to much lately. Been in bed a lot, to be honest. I don't feel like going into details on why, since most of it is just TMI girl issues. Which probably overall explains it, maybe. I've just had a bad brain fog today, really. Past couple of days actually. Just...Can't really think well. I spent half the day trying to figure out how to word "I can't think".

Let's see...Tomorrow I have those two doctors. Dad's not 100% sure if he has an appointment himself in the morning, but he may cancel if he does because he's been having as hard a time in the mornings as I do lately. Though, I am doing better about waking up in the morning. So far, my record is 10AM...But that's a start! I'm still trying for 9:30 or so, but that's not as easy as I'd like. I'm trying to take my meds earlier to help me with the falling asleep earlier bit, though. It feels weird taking my medicine at 9....

Oh! There was something neat in the newspaper today. After looking up more details (dad read me the basics) I found out it's even older than it seemed! It turns out every year for the past couple of years, humpbacks have been swimming up through this area. Sandy Hook (Connecticut) to the Hudson River and Raritan Bay (which is right between southern NY/NJ border). So if I go by the Hudson River, albeit unlikely at this point in my life (I just don't want to go near New York. Or be in this state. I just...Traffic. Ugh). Well, it's something to add to my bucket list, I suppose. And it supposedly means our water isn't nearly as contaminated as we'd all been taught to believe! That, or the water these whales were living in ran out of food. Who knows?

Still...I can't recall seeing a whale in person. I've seen other things though. Lots of neat critters in the world! I really wanna pet a manatee one day. Why? They're 'sea cows'! They're adorable and they're cows in some aspect and I love them. And I mean, I've pet more dangerous creatures. Like stingrays. Which are also cute, actually...And a python, I held one of those once...

Those are heavy though.

Anyway...Time to try not to burn too much in my own house. See you soon, outlaws. :D

17th December 2016, 04:06 PM
December 17th, 2016

It's the weekend before the holidays, and I've had a sinus infection all week. I've spent 99% of time in bed all week, and for a day or two (when the temps first started to drop) we had heat problems. Then we got them fixed and it was suddenly TOO hot!

But the fact is, our heat works well- which is good, since it's been pretty cold recently. In fact, we had our first snowfall last night! And yes, I'm certain, as I looked outside to see. Not much to see out there anyway. But still...snow is nice, even if I'm not a fan of the cold. I'll probably hate it by the end of winter or so, though.

I've started learning JavaScript and practicing pixeling from my tablet. Some of the results are okay to me, but not much to show yet. Still, it's pretty fun overall. The coding lessons are short and sweet, but there is plenty to confuse me already. But it's still fun to learn!

I'm not sure what to say, really. There's probably a lot, but I'm not up to thinking hard yet today. I'll be sure to update as I think of something though.

Be well, outlaws!

18th December 2016, 08:03 AM
December 18th, 2016

It's almost 4AM and I can't sleep. Instead, I'm weeping quietly, stupidly, curled up in my bed. The holidays come with pain sometimes. This pain has been simmering recently because holiday TV shows got my dad to tell me I should try communicating with my mom again. My mom is never an easy topic.

Flashbacks of one event in particular (it came up in conversation IRL a couple weeks ago) haunt me. I might share them with a select few, but not here. It's not that this event was traumatizing in any way, not compared to other things with my mother. It's just an unbearable pain to share with most. And it makes me cry for no good reason.

My mother was never really a mother to me. Sure, she tried to teach me sports and helped me with homework a bit, but she was very neglectful. At age 5ish, I as being told to feed myself. I couldn't do much yet...so I'd open the fridge and reach the easiest thing to reach- which in our house was whipped cream. Yes, I ate a lot of that shit. I didn't know what else to do!

Now, to be fair, mother had her share of issues. Mix mental illness with pretty bad Crohn's and it's no surprise she wasn't the most productive person. The only times she went out of her own volition was to meet CB Radio buddies (occasionally I got to say hi. Also, one of them was involved in my first car accident). Otherwise, she spent 90% of her time watching sports in bed and the rest gambling away our savings and dad's business online.

She left when I was eight due to drug problems, and my family often wondered if her drug habits really ceased when she was pregnant. Mom loved to lie about quitting cigarettes only to be found later that day smoking on the porch by a little me. She left us "for rehab". She's promise me year after year for a while she'd be home the following. Eventually I found out she was lying. The program required her to stay there once she realized one of her triggers: being a wife and mother.

We rarely talk. Last time we did, she was suspiciously asking for my social security number. I refused to give it without details about the "insurance" she was including me on and needed it for. Haven't heard back since.

The pain is lowering as I've whined. I can try to sleep now! Though cute song on isn't a bad aid either.

Thanks for letting me vent, journal and outlaws. Maybe one day I'll tell y'all the story that's eating at me. But for now, I'm off to eat at sleep!

19th December 2016, 12:31 AM
Wow, that is powerful.

19th December 2016, 01:14 AM
What kind of powerful, I wonder?

19th December 2016, 03:27 AM
I love stories even if they're not always rosy. As long as you have someone to get your story off your chest irl, that's good. Looks like some sensitive stuff with your mom. Those are some pretty lame triggers she has.

19th December 2016, 05:05 AM
That's powerful, ed. It sucks that you have such a strained relationship with your mom, June :(.
But no matter what, you can always vent to us!:)

22nd December 2016, 03:55 AM
Light: Yeah, lame is definitely true, but at least she was finally honest with us. I'm sure things like her Crohn's could be a trigger too, of course. That was just the one noted to me to let me know she wasn't returning like she kept saying she was.

True story about my birth: My mom wanted me because pregnancy temporarily puts Crohn's into remission. And sometimes permanently! Wasn't permanent, so it failed her hopes, and I'm pretty sure she wanted a boy. But yeah, I was born for eight months of relief from autoimmune disease.

Thanks to both of you. Big hugs and thanks! I'll be venting more later, but that's it for this post. At least for now.

25th December 2016, 03:13 AM
Woof. That's heavy.
Thanks for sharing, this kind of emotional pain is so important to let out in the open and deal with.

It's simply amazing the effect that parents have on their children, especially when it's complicated.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Outlaws stand by Outlaws.

25th December 2016, 06:14 AM
My family is full of insanity. Today gave me even more info on the insanity that is my family background. :D Holidays are great for that.

Oh, and a downer: My granny had a stroke this week. She's okay now, but we found out just tonight. Apparently she was injured this week too, cause she has a nurse bandaging wounds, not sure why. My guess is it's her charcot foot, but I worry. But she's doing okay otherwise, so yay!

15th January 2017, 09:15 PM
January 15th, 2017

I'm still getting used to writing a 17 at the end of my dates, but otherwise, so far the new year seems to be going okay. Well, it's already had its share of ups and downs (I got sick just days after the start, and we've had some really messed up weather...). I'm working hard on trying to get my procedure, though. I spent a few hours earlier this week on the phone with doctors- because honestly, I'm not comfortable with the hospital I'd have to go to with my current EP. I found a place that takes my insurance completely and works with my preferred hospital, but I can't go to that EP without a referral from a cardiologist, and mine would just push me to the EP I go to...So I got a reference to a cardiologist that works with this fellow a lot. They work out of my preferred hospital too! I see them in about a week or so, now- I just need to see them briefly, get hooked up with the EP, see said EP...And then I should be able to schedule the procedure. It's time to stop dawdling! Right?

I'm a bit worried about my dad, though. He had stopped his methotrexate over the holiday month (methotrexate, for those not as aware of it, is a type of chemotherapy drug used also for autoimmune disease treatment, such as his psoriatic arthritis). He restarted it after the holidays ended, mind you starting at a lower dose than he'd been on beforehand...But After a month and change of being off it, it's not an easy transition to restart it, and he forgot when he got his pain meds changed...they have something in it he can't take on the days surrounding methotrexate day. Oops.

Hrm...Honestly, I've been really lazy over the past few weeks and haven't had much to say. I'm rarely using my computer, but I'm starting to get used to it again. So...That's good. But I haven't been doing much besides that. Mostly reading and stuff. I read a manga recently that gives recipes at the end of each chapter, though, and it actually got me wanting to cook a couple of the things in it. First I have to look up some of the ingredients, but...there were some neat things, including a really simple fruit snack of sorts, and other snacky things (and healthier stuff, too.)

Well, off to look up the ingredient I'm confused by. Wish me luck finding the answers!

21st January 2017, 08:29 PM
January 21st, 2017

I'm a bit irritated today. Some would assume that, like many on the net, it has to do with recent politics. Honestly, I could care less about that lately. What I'm irritated about is my dad: he's been having one of his worse manic episodes in over a decade. And by that, I mean he's likely going to ruin my average credit score because he's been using MY credit while going on an auction binge. He's been trying to be careful how much he bids up to, but...All these little things he wins adds up. He's tried to relax me by pointing out some of the stuff was for me- and yes, some of it is nice. I got a nifty skirt out of it, for example. But...Cheap or not, he has been going way overboard, and I showed him my statement to prove it. I don't think it's going to sink in quickly to stop, but...We did already talk to the psychiatrist about it, so...We've taken a step in the right direction, despite the issue. He also made sure most of the purchases (besides the little things for me) were things we desperately needed- like bed linens for him (he only had one set of sheets, and it's all ripped up), etc. He also got gifts for other people, including my boyfriend, which made me at least giggle despite being irritated (because it's sweet, to me, that he thinks enough to want to do that. Considering how overprotective my father can be...I'm rather pleased by that factor).

I had a dream the other day that was so vivid I still remember it (though I also started a new dream journal, and wrote it immediately when I woke up, which helped probably). I could post it in the dream thread, but I recall being the last post there...And I don't know if I want to double post, even if we tend to be lenient here. I want to see other people's dreams though...Hrm.

Anyway, my dream was vaguely simple: For some reason or another, I had a mysterious arranged fiancee. I met with them and we got along well, and became friends. But as the arranged wedding drew near, I became frantic- possibly, I was becoming lucid in the dream, because I was having a notable "what the hell, I don't know who this person is and I love my boyfriend, what?". It ended with my noting we were only meant to be friends, and them agreeing. I can't remember their name or face, but they were apparently a very good friend to me in the end. I wonder if it's a sign I have a new friend to meet? There was a secondary part of the dream, but that was embarrassing and I don't feel like typing it out.

I regained an interest in dream meanings, so for no reason I looked up the various keywords in my dream. I'm still confused by it...But oh well.

Hrm, what else to say...Well, I see my new cardiologist on Monday afternoon. That means lots of wires and other tests just so I can get a referral to an EP to get my ablation. But...At least I'm getting there! :D I'll probably be going foodshopping today or tomorrow. The weather's nice (it's so warm! Like spring! Now I'm POSITIVE there will be a blizzard for my birthday. xD).

I just got a phone call while finishing this up. It was a wrong number- the person was trying to call their parents. I've had this phone number for a couple years now. I wonder how long this person's gone without talking to their folks? I know that happens (my dad had stopped talking to his parents for six years when he met my mom, whose mother coaxed him into talking to them again)...But it's kind of funny. I hope he can reach them somehow.

Anyway...I've rambled enough. I'll be doing my best to think of things to post more as we get close to February. Let's revive this place! It's too quiet!

Signed June, the non-edible Outlaw-Berry.

27th January 2017, 01:09 AM
January 26th, 2017

I had a horrible migraine today, but it's gone! It took way more medication and hiding than usual, but it's gone. Well, mostly. It comes back at moments like right now where I'm frustrated with my computer for not letting a game I was trying to play work...But otherwise! xD

Well, as I said, that game worked for shit. I was really excited to play The Stanley Parable, but it froze on the credit screen each time, and the second time I tried it actually closed itself as it froze.

I got some emails sent that I'd been meaning to send for a while. I've been back in touch with my e-pal (penpal in email) over in the Netherlands. I'm pretty sure the first email or two we sent to start the year off will make NSA flag me. But, y'know, I say some crazy things, so it's not that shocking. I also sent a nice long email to a loved one and a close friend from childhood who I rarely actually get to bug. I'm probably weird for it, but I made sure to ask the friend how his boss/best friend was doing, since I'd heard from him last time the guy got injured. I've never even spoken to the person, but I feel connected anyway. So I always end up asking, "How's that guy doing?" (I'm not including names for reasons).

I'm finally getting rid of my thousand of messages on DA. I was at 1.5-2k early this week, and now I'm down to 600. That's still a lot, but...IT'S WAY LESS OVERWHELMING. So less I don't mind using caps (okay, I do mind. Pretend that didn't happen.)

I had a weird-ass dream last night. Or this morning. Or whatever time it was. It jumped around a lot, and taught me a lot about myself, such as what a hypocrite I can be. I'm always one to say I think of family as important. I love that my boyfriend generally gets along with his folks and am impressed by it. I'm always happy to hear when a friend is getting along better with their relatives. But in my dream, I was asked if I was introducing my boyfriend to my mom. "Uh, no."

Let me make this clear: It isn't because of my boyfriend. I wouldn't introduce ANYONE to my mom. I don't even talk to my mom. The last time I talked to my mom we were using like three word sentences trying to figure out why the hell she was asking my social security number. I do not trust ANYTHING that woman says. When I was in high school, I'd no contact with her for years and a major issue from the abandonment- so when she tried to call me out of nowhere when I was just out of the mental hospital for maybe a month...Well, I was fucked up by it. I ended up calling this person that had been in the same partial program as me after being hospitalized with a panic attack. (I think I haven't talked to him since. He still owes me ice cream lol).

So yeah. I felt really weird from that dream. I was also weirded out by the fact we were playing a game with a friend I haven't seen for ages where numbers were drawn on basketballs or something and if you caught the right one you won money and whatnot. She kept winning. Which was good, I guess? I dunno. All I know is I think I woke up into another dream and took a shower. Then I woke up for real in a pool of sweat and was like, "Wow did I know I needed one." xD

Well, now that that's all said and done...i'm gonna go read what's possibly the weirdest journal entry I've ever seen on DA because the name is just messed up and makes me curious. Later!

27th January 2017, 01:27 PM
Auctions can certainly be dangerously addictive. I hope your dad's fully understood the gravity of that. Essentially, bidding can become like gambling, especially when bidders end up in bid wars and spend more than the item's worth.

I suppose that dream could mean a lot, but it's a pretty large world out there with countless people to meet, be it offline or online. Maybe try to make a new friend today? I've found some good ones online through random chance or posting in communities for making friends. I think my best could well be from my own community though. :oldmanlaugh:

Glad to hear the health situation's looking up and I hope those migraines stay away! As for the game, you should see if Low-Spec Gamer has a solution. He posts many guides on how to get games running on old hardware, but obviously there's always an absolute minimum.

Nice to hear about your old friend. I wish I could do that but for the most part I'm pretty incapable of making friendships last once they fray. Once a bridge's collapsed, it's collapsed.

That's a lot of DA messages. You sure they're not mostly notifications? Only my e-mail inbox fills up more than that, and a lot of it is spam or newsletters I couldn't care less about.

That certainly sounds like a rocky relationship with your mother, and I'm sorry to hear about it. I hope you're able to reconnect with her one day, as unlikely as it sounds. My dad is far from guilt-free but he managed to redeem himself for the most part and he's much better with the whole family now. At any rate, I wish you the best of luck with that in the future.

The basketball game sounds like... an extremely loud and bouncy version of the National Lottery draws we have in the UK. :D

27th January 2017, 10:39 PM
Mantis: I'll have to take a look! And yeah- I rarely have lasting friendships. My childhood friend I emailed, for example- we've had plenty of on and off chatting. We met online when we were about ten or eleven, when I was in the early stages of dealing with living with my grandparents and whatnot. My other close friends are usually online, though I talked to an IRL friend recently from high school that I haven't seen in ages. He's moving (again) but hopefully I get to visit him at some point. I haven't seen our other good friend much either, who's the guy I like mentioning is a giant. Like, seriously, he's a freaking telephone pole when we stand next to each other. :'D Funny enough, the friend in the dream was my friend from middle school who I haven't seen in ages. We were in the same class every year somehow, and I drove her nuts most likely due to my bad memory. We haven't talked much except for a small 'hey' here or there since she's been busy since graduating and stuff. She deserved to win, considering she had to deal with me asking her every hour what day it was for four years. xD

I meant notifications overall when I said messages- thanks for catching that. The thing is, after a month or two of barely going on the site, you end up with a ton of art you haven't looked at from friends. To me, most of my notifications aren't spam- they're important art I want to look at to see how my friends in the art community are doing and what they're working on. Some people have like...50 images a piece. I did end up just deleting group images though at points. "This group has 160 new images? Fuck that. *deletes entire pile*"

I'm glad you're getting along better with your dad! I admit, part of me (a much smaller part than when I was younger) hopes that I can at least not dislike my mom as much in the future, but I'm not gonna get my hopes up. I'm happy to avoid her, though I have a lot of questions to ask her about, and none of her family will talk to me really either...Basically, once she split, I lost half my family. I can't help wondering how my kid cousin is doing.

To be fair, part of me fears that side of the family for reasons that are awkward to talk about. Maybe it's for the best? But it'd be nice to get some medical history and stuff...Amongst other things.

Oh well. Someday (that dangerous word is back again!)

It was surprisingly quiet, the basketball thing. I was constantly ducking so I wouldn't get hit square in the head though. <- is a magnet for basketballs, based on her history as a preteen.

28th January 2017, 01:58 AM
It stinks you can't play the Stanley Parable. It's a fun game. Ghee snarky British narrator is fantastic.

And that basketball game sounds interesting. Reminds me of the old school yard game where someone would throw a ball and yell out a point value, and ppl would try to catch it.
Glad your migraine cleared up! Those always suck :(