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Scarab
7th October 2016, 01:17 AM
It's always good to be a bit self-indulgent here and there, so why not.

Friday 7th October, 2016
01:45 AM

'Limbo'

It is currently quarter to two in the morning, with no intention of going to bed anytime soon. It's very cold, quiet, and I should really put some trousers on. Although I have slept through most of the day, I barely feel awake at all. I'm very fatigued, my mind feels numb, kind of like I'm in standby mode. On the plus side, I have been washing, shaving, and brushing my teeth every day, so that's good. That said, sitting around in my pajamas isn't doing much for my mental state. The truth is, I have been gaining weight so most of my 'proper' clothes barely fit me at this point, not comfortably at least. I really need to lose weight. There was a time where I could do this no problem-- dieting came easy to me, and the weight fell of quick, but that isn't the case right now. Food is one of the few comforts I have at the moment, and I'm in no hurry to give that up, for better or worse.

Being awake all night and sleeping the day away can be... interesting. This isn't an uncommon thing for me, I've done it on and off since I was 16. On the plus side, my mother works as a chldminder during the day, so I get the house to myself and some peace and quiet. On the bad side... my anxiety seems to be magnified at night, I couldn't tell you why, but there is a certain loneliness to it. My head is full of intrusive thoughts, and things I would rather forget about. The best way I can describe my life right now is 'in limbo', but I am working on making things better for myself, step by little step.

Since I finished college in September, things have been on something of a downward spiral. Actually, it's more like since the turn of the year. I can't even remember the last time I left the house. I used to spend a significant amount of my time volunteering at an animal shelter, specifically working in a cattery. There is a nice old lady who works there on the same days as me, and the cats are adorable, even Biff, even if he's a bastard. I haven't been in months, as at some point, cleaning up shit stops feeling so rewarding. At least it's better than cleaning out the stables, doing your back in with not so much as a 'thank you' in return. Voluntary work is thankless, it really is.

Well, what have I been up to? I finished binge watching Game of Thrones a day or two ago, which was fun. I had put off watching seasons five and six for too long, so I decided to change that! I'm glad I did, it reminded me just how much I love that show. I've been thinking about making a Game of Thrones thread in Heifong, I wonder if any of my fellow outlaws are fans as well. Man, even as I type this I can't stop thinking about 'Battle of the Bastards', what a great episode that was.

This is all I can think to type for now, though in hindsight that was more than I thought I'd type. See you again soon.

Scarab
7th October 2016, 02:38 AM
Man, that was a pessimistic way of starting this journal off, but I do feel better getting that out of my system. I expect this to get pretty 'venty' at times, so apologies in advance.

I'm going to take a leaf out of Hex's book and start showing off my various 'nerdy' collectibles here, as well. My uncle put a shelf up for me the other day, which is at least one positive thing I can share! It's always nice talking to him, we get along well but don't meet up nearly as often as we should.

Anyway, I'm still working on the arrangement but here is the shelf in question:

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And a closer look at the contents themselves:

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Berserk stuff. That's Susumu Hirasawa's Ash Crow' album behind Guts there, unfortunately his cape kind of gets in the way. :aishafrown:

362

Totoro! To-to-ro!

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Samus, a very cool 1/12 Vespa that I bought recently, and a little Danbo who seems to be infatuated with Solid Snake. This shelf needs work.

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The 'stop importing it' edition of Demon's Souls, as well as Link and Kirby, who are probably my favourite toys. How do you articulate a Kirby figure, you ask? Magnets!

Scampi kept climbing all over my desk, so it was for the best to get that cactus out of her reach. I really like that pot, but if you see a crack it's because I've had to repair it. >_>

I'm very indecisive and the contents of this shelf will likely change often, but that's it for now.

Scarab
7th October 2016, 01:28 PM
My Gurlukovich soldier that I pre-ordered MONTHS ago finally showed up today! He's awesome.

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One thing I wasn't expecting, is that he comes with a cardboard locker you can assemble yourself. It's not great, honestly you can get much better plastic 1/12 scale lockers, but it is a nice touch. One thing that I love is that it even has a figma version of a 'poster girl', which is hilariously dumb. Anyway, I'm looking forward to taking some photos with this guy and have a lot of fun ideas.

Scarab
7th October 2016, 01:32 PM
Oh yeah, and I found a suitable rider for that Vespa. :aishalaugh:

'Kaaaaiji-kuuun!'

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Scarab
7th October 2016, 03:24 PM
It seems that soldier isn't the ONLY one Snake has to worry about...

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Scarab
7th October 2016, 09:06 PM
Friday 7th October, 2016
21:09 AM

'Friends'

I am going to spoiler tag this, because it could be considered fairly 'venty' or negative, and I certainly don't want to be a downer on anyone. These are my personal introspections, but you are free to read on if you wish.

What does it mean to be friends with someone? What makes a person a 'friend'? If I consider someone to be my friend, how can I be sure they feel the same way about me? And it's not just a matter of 'being friends', there is also a certain level of familiarity and closeness involved. At what point could you be considered 'close' to a person? Most people seem to have 'that one friend' they talk to the most, it must be nice... well, if it is mutual.

Back when I was at college, I met someone who I felt a strong connection to-- who I really wanted to be friends with, but I'm afraid he wasn't as interested, if he was at all. So, what do you do? It's a tightrope in a lot of ways, you want to talk to them and get to know them, but you don't want to overstep any boundaries. The problem is, once I develop that certain 'fondness' for someone, those boundaries become blurred. How much is too much? It can be hard to tell, whether you're actually wanted or not.

Maybe it's a defense mechanism, I'm not sure, but I naturally tend to assume people don't want me around. So I try to disregard my feelings, and distance myself from others... which, ironically, doesn't leave you very open for social interraction. It's like an ongoing cycle that never seems to end.

Loneliness -> Seek out friendship -> 'Rejection' -> Isolation

The reason I type 'rejection' that way, is because of the way I personally interpet rejection. It isn't a matter of someone telling me to 'fuck off', if only it were that simple. It's a matter of being a burdon on others, a chore. They don't actually want to talk to me, they're just tolerating me to be polite. That might be complete bullshit for all I know, it's possible that I have never been a 'burdon' on anyone, and it was only my mind telling me that. Maybe they actually were interested in being friends with me, and in distancing myself I killed any hope of that happening. Maybe they saw it as me rejecting them. I can't tell what the 'truth' of the matter is at all, I often feel like I have a very loose grip on reality, and it drives me insane.

That emotional instability I'm talking out is one of the key symptoms of 'Borderline Personality Disorder', which I wouldn't be surprised if I had, as my father was diagnosed with it as well. I should see a GP to get a professional opinion, but at this point I refuse to take any more medication so I don't know what good it would do. I just want to understand why I am the way I am, why I think and feel the way I do. My therapist told me that the 'Hari' I percieve is a very warped version of myself. I have strong feelings of self-hatred which were rooted in me from a young age, I'm sure that has something to do with it.

Well, that's all I can think to write at the moment. I spend a lot of time thinking about things like this, so its nice to have my scattered thoughts laid out in a fairly cohesive manner. That's all for now.

Scarab
8th October 2016, 12:43 PM
Saturday 8th October, 2016
13:02

'Cold'

This might seem like an irregular time to post another entry, seeing as it is only midday, but I am an irregular person. :P

If you couldn't tell from the title, it has gotten very cold over here! My phone says it is 15 degrees, but my body feels much colder than that, so much so that I am wearing a sweater and my favorite trapper hat as I type this. I often feel like I should have been Canadian, since I love snowy weather, checkered shirts, and poutine seems like it'd be my favorite thing. I'd really like to try making my own, the chips and gravy part is no problem, its the cheese curds that are difficult to find over here. Even then, I doubt it'd be as good as 'the real thing'.

http://www.scores.ca/DATA/TEXTEDOC/ST_poutine_classique.png

Another 'typically Canadian' trait that I have, is that I am always apologizing for myself! Just kidding, I know stereotypes are complete bollocks. /me sips on his tea.

So, what's going on today? Not a lot, same as usual really. I spent this morning talking to two good friends of mine, which always brightens my mood. It's funny, when you are feeling down your natural instinct is usually to avoid people, yet doing the opposite often makes you feel better, at least it does for me.

I am currently helping a German friend of mine get through Dark Souls, although I think it is a game best experienced on your own (at least for the first playthrough), he insists on playing it as a co-op experience, which is fair enough I suppose. It has been a lot of fun listening to his reaction to things. We've just reached the Tomb of Giants, and actually got as far as Nito... but since he only had one Estus left, it predictably ended in failure. We'll be back for you Nito, just you wait.

Anyway, I'm going to have some lunch now and go back to bed, since there is nowhere better to be than a nice warm bed on a grey, cold day like this. I wonder what time it'll be when I wake up.

http://i.imgur.com/DHzXkYY.jpg

Juneberry
8th October 2016, 04:42 PM
I've never tried poutine, but if you're itching for snow you should just visit me! New Jersey gets plenty of it during winter (and late fall, and early spring). This year I was just happy not having snow on my birthday xD

I'm actually typing this from bed, but it really is amazing how when you want to avoid people, it's people that can really get you out of a slump. That said, it depends on which people too. Glad you've got good ones! :)

Scarab
14th October 2016, 01:49 PM
I'm pissed off guys, I'm pissed off.

So I just deleted my Reddit account... again. I can't even count the number of times I've done this at this point. The reason being, I can't stand dealing with whiny manchildren who can't accept that someone might have an opinion that goes against the general hivemind. Because, yes, the constant 100+ point threads making fun of, and going on (and on, and on, and on...) about how irredeemably shit something is are far more valuable than someone giving their own opinion on why that thing MIGHT not bad as people make out. Even when I make it VERY clear that I have no problem with them disliking it, that they are entitled to their opinion and I am simply sharing my own view-- that isn't even what bothers me. It's that I can't share my OWN opinion without facing an onslaught of hostility and snarky comments insulting my intelligence, flooded in downvotes even when I have been perfectly civil on the matter.

When everyone must subscribe to a single outlook and anyone who goes against that is chastised-- that isn't discussion, it's a fucking wankfest.

Fuck Reddit, I'm done with that shithole of a community. Cunts, the lot of them.

Juneberry
14th October 2016, 04:09 PM
I never got deep into Reddit, not sure why. Not gonna complain after seeing this though. Probably about as bad as tumblr. Or basically all social media. Humanity as a whole tends to suck.

AsherTheWilliams
14th October 2016, 04:32 PM
If I may ask, what was the topic of discussion?

Scarab
14th October 2016, 10:42 PM
<snip>

Mantis
15th October 2016, 02:46 AM
Finally got round to checking this thread out! :aishagrin:
You've needed a journal here for a long time so it's nice to see you made one.

Regarding your first entry, finding it difficult to get to sleep is always frustrating. I hope you can improve that and I'm sure you will with time. From experience though, being on a better diet helps with this. And getting more uninterrupted sleep helps weight loss too. They complement each other. It's good you're taking care of the basic necessities. At some really low points a few years back I said hygiene more to this guy than taking care of my own: :s (Okay, bad joke.) Yeah, food cravings become more of a problem when you get a little older. I also share the experience of finding it much more difficult to lose weight than when I was an adolescent or early adult. Not sure why exactly. Is there anything you use to help distract yourself from harmful thoughts at night?

Well, you're talking to a fellow recluse right now. Does the fact you haven't left the house much or at all bother you greatly? In my experience, thinking about what others think of my lifestyle (or lack thereof) can make me jump to negative conclusions, so I try not to care about what others think so much, and being alone becomes less of a hassle with time. Not that I'd recommend it to others. Another thing too, even though it's probably not related to what you said about loneliness: try not to concern yourself with loneliness in the form of relationships, or rather not being in one. I've had my fair share of girlfriends, but I survived six years of being single, and though tough at first, soon enough I had no regrets. Nowadays I have a pretty stoic outlook. Feels like I might end up writing a book one day like one of those solitary monks. :D But enough about me as it's your journal.

Can't begin to imagine what voluntary work is like, at least in a laborious form. Not getting a "thank you" for hard work really hurts, I know. But it sounds like you've had it pretty bad. Did you consider asking them to adjust your tasks? It would be silly of them to turn you away for not doing some things as shelters need to take any help they can get. Perhaps you could explain to them that for the efforts you've put in, you haven't found the experience so rewarding and you'd like to focus more of your attention on different tasks in the cattery.

Ah, Game of Thrones. I watched the first couple of series of that and stopped for some reason. The fact you've enjoyed it so much makes me want to get back to it (or do a full restart) after I finish The Walking Dead. Say, are you a Lord of the Rings fan?

I bloody well love those figures you have. Every time I see them I'm so jealous! Also, your room is really tidy and minimalist. I find that's a common thing with Mac users.

I've enjoyed reading everything so far but now I must get to sleep, so I'll continue my reply tomorrow. :)

Scarab
15th October 2016, 05:11 AM
I thank you for your kind words, Mantis! :beer: I'll work on my reply tomorrow as well, as I really need some shut-eye.

Judging from the time you posted your reply, are you having sleeping troubles as well? :s It's typical, isn't it? Even when you do manage to sort it out, it always finds a way to fuck itself up again.

Hmm, it's hard to say. Does it bother me...? Well, I've always preferred being indoors, which is a trait I share with my mother (who works from home.) I do wish I had more of a life sometimes, but when I see what all the 'cool kids' are doing, getting plastered at some nightclub where the music is far too loud and passing out in their own sick, I can't say I envy those people. I went to this church social group a few months ago, and it was a little embarassing to admit I wasn't really doing anything with my life, but it certainly isn't due to a lack of effort, so I don't feel too bad about it. That said, I'm afraid I have all but given up on fighting at this point. Right now, life feels much more fulfilling just taking it easy, chilling with my cats and doing the things that make me happy. I know I can't live like this forever, I'm just taking a breather before I get back into the fray, where I am planning on making significant changes in 2017.

I know what you mean, after going through a bad breakup with who I thought was 'the one' (something I'm sure every naive youngin' goes through at one point!) I certainly don't feel any rush to get into another one. One day it's all good, and before you know it everything has gone to hell. I'm much happier just having a few good friends I can take it easy and have a laugh with, no drama. Maybe we should consider joining a monastery. :aishalaugh:

Unfortunately, when it comes to animal care (which is the 'field' I thought I wanted to get into), picking up shit is the primary job description. I don't know what I expected, really. I love animals and I'm a caring person by nature, but I can't spend another day doing that.

Haha, I know what you mean! I binged the first four series' and absolutely loved it, then by the time series five began airing I fell off of the wagon 'for some reason', just like you. But yeah, after finally getting back to it I immediately remembered why I loved it so much, and wished that I had sooner. I watched the entirety of season six in a single night, which is about 10 hours worth of video... I was enjoying myself so much that I didn't even notice! I definately want to catch the next series as it airs, especially considering there are only two more left, and they are going to be shorter than the usual seasons. But yeah, Game of Thrones is fantastic. The story really goes places, I can only recommend getting back into it! ;)

I'd like to watch The Walking Dead, but my ex was a fan and I'd rather not be reminded of her. Norman Reedus seems like an awesome guy, though. I don't know if you're aware, but he is starring in Hideo Kojima's new game called 'Death Stranding', he even posted this on his instagram, the absolute madman.

http://cdn.segmentnext.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Reedus.jpg

I do like Lord of the Rings, I've been thinking about picking up the 'extended edition' DVDs as they are going quite cheap these days. I really like the animated adaption by Ralph Bakshi as well. I haven't read the books though, as reading puts me to sleep, quite literally for some reason. Maybe I should consider an audiobook...

I love anything that could be considered 'dark fantasy' in general. I'm not talking about bullshit like The Elder Scrolls, but rather more grounded stuff like Demon's/Dark Souls, Berserk, Darkest Dungeon, Castlevania, that kind of thing. I love all of that stuff, and wish there was more of it in 'visual' form. Maybe it is time I started reading, haha.

Scarab
15th October 2016, 11:37 PM
Christ, that was a long reply! Apologies, I hope it wasn't too incoherent but I wanted to respond to everything you had to say. :D

By the way, I managed to get a good deal the other day (UK seller as well, so no customs charges!), I think you of all people will appreciate this. :aishalaugh:

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Juneberry
16th October 2016, 12:41 AM
I feel bad giggling over that figure. But in regards to loneliness- I certainly understand that. I've had my share of rough patches with breakups, and general relationship endings. I had to go through grief counselling, actually, at one point (and not because someone died!). It's tough to lose someone that matters to you...But I'm that weirdo that tries to stay friends with people she's loved. When I refuse to talk to someone anymore, usually there's something severely wrong. I have a few people like that, but I'll stop thinking about them now.

What happens if you boys end up with that monastery? Don't leave me all alone! :c Or will this be a co-ed one?

Scarab
16th October 2016, 12:54 AM
So you should June, it's chilly out here! :P

While I think it's a nice idea in theory to stay friends after you break up, depending on the intensity of the relationship that isn't always possible. I mean, if one of you still has feelings for the other then it's going to be a real gut punch when they eventually hook up with someone that isn't you. Sometimes when you really care about a person, you have to be able to let them go so the both of you can move on with your lives.

I don't know, but I can imagine it being something like Father Ted. :aishalaugh:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zkL91LzCMc

AsherTheWilliams
17th October 2016, 09:03 PM
GLORIOUS!
I need to watch more Father Ted, loved that guy in My Hero.

Scarab
3rd November 2016, 06:22 PM
<snip>

Scarab
2nd December 2016, 01:43 PM
Nothing but good vibes today, my friends. I got on the bus to Bedford to pay my college one last visit, with a kilogram of Lindt chocolate in hand. My mother had won the chocolate Santa in a raffle a few weeks prior, and since we're working on dieting (and a kilo of chocolate is too much even for us!), we decided it'd be best in someone else's hands. More than anything though, I wanted to express my gratitude to the staff there for the attention and support they had given me through a dark few months of my life, I really don't know what I would have done without them.

Suffice to say, they were all very surprised to see me. :aishalaugh: See, I don't know my way around Bedford well, and had previously only gotten taxis to college. For someone like me who struggles with intense social anxiety and agoraphobia, taking the bus by myself (let alone somewhere unfamiliar) is an extremely daunting prospect, but you know what? I did it, and everyone there was really happy for me, they said I was like a whole new Hari. It was nice.

I feel proud of myself today.

Juneberry
2nd December 2016, 05:00 PM
You're not the only proud one! I'm proud of you too! Both for working so hard on your diet as well as that major fight against your anxiety! It's inspiring. :D

Scarab
2nd December 2016, 05:39 PM
Thanks, June! :aishagrin: Yeah, the thing about this 'college' is that it's not actually your everyday college. They basically exist to help people with additional needs, so people with autism and that kind of thing, but while I was there it was mostly people with anxiety troubles who can't cope in a normal school enviroment.

They're all super nice-- even the staff I hadn't met before were all compliments, but my favorite person there was a guy called Stephen. We spent so many lunch breaks talking about Nintendo, Metal Gear, even Outlaw Star if you can believe that! He was a great mentor figure to me. I never integrated into the social group as much as I wanted to, but Stephen was always there for me, so I was glad to say our farewells in a more informal manner. It probably doesn't sound like much to most people, but it sure was a big day for me.

Mantis
2nd December 2016, 05:49 PM
As I think you know, I have agoraphobia too and that's a fantastic update. I'm really happy for you, and proud of you too! I hope chocolate Santa will be devoured respectfully. Lindt is brilliant chocolate.

Scarab
2nd December 2016, 06:38 PM
Thanks, Mantis. :) And it really is! The temptation to eat him all by ourselves was there, I won't lie-- in fact, several boxes of Celebrations were brought, only to end up being eaten, which actually turned out for the best since I would never have gone otherwise. A kilogram of chocolatey Santa isn't something you can just send through the post, gotta deliver it in person. :D

Scarab
31st December 2016, 10:29 PM
Well, here we are guys. I think it's safe to say this has been an equally terrible year for everyone, but 2017 is almost upon us. I think we all need a strong drink after this year, in my case that would be a bottle of Dr. Pepper! I haven't tried this stuff in years, but I can definately see that changing. This stuff is GOOD, Mantis (and Okarin) had the right idea all along. I don't have much to update on, it was a quiet Christmas this year, with it just being my mother and I. Regardless, she always goes out of her way to get me some awesome presents, which I often feel guilty about, but this year and onwards I've decided to spoil her just as much. :D

http://i.imgur.com/MSnFRpV.jpg

I got a NES Mini, on which I've been playing Adventure of Link non-stop, the awesome A Link to the Past comic, a cute little knight pencil sharpener, and the new Outlaw Star Blu-ray. I also got a bunch of M&M's and cider, which were delicious. My mom's pretty awesome if you didn't know. :aishalaugh: In return I got her a Bailey's gift basket, a pair of slippers, a scarf, a mug, a box of fudge, and a bar of chocolate caramel which she loves.

Not much else to say, but I've had some more personal thoughts and introspections I've tried to jot down as cohesively as possible. This is more for myself than anyone else, but feel free to read on if you wish.

1. Personal feelings on introversion

I often feel the need to be alone, in a way that many people (particularly social/outgoing people) may not understand. It's not that I dislike people, or social interraction in general. Maybe that's not 100% true. In the same way that life isn't all sunshine and roses, there are many kinds of people that I dislike and would rather not have to share a planet with, but the same could be said by anyone. Despite being a loner at heart, there are several people that I would consider dear to me, including my mother, friends that I have met over the internet (including OSN), my uncle, and the odd family friend here and there. That said, and despite my love for these people, I don't enjoy being engaged with them for more than a few hours at the most. Honestly, I find it downright draining at times. Does that make me anti-social? I don't think so, as I said I do feel love for these people, but my desire to be by myself, inside my own little world with my own thoughts, is simply something I need to remain a healthy, functioning individual. I enjoy conversation, and time spent socializing, but eventually I'll reach a point where those 'social batteries' begin to run dry, and I'll need time by myself to recharge. It's kind of like reshuffling a deck after a game of cards-- I need time to think everything over, and put things back into perspective.

There are problems with this, however. Mainly, how other people may percieve these actions... in a relationship, for instance. A romantic relationship is something that requires a great deal of responsibility and attention on both sides, so what happens when you have someone who needs as few as a couple of hours, or as many as a few days to be on their own? From my time reading message boards on this topic, the majority of individuals would take this as an offense. 'Well, if he likes being on his own so much, then he can stay that way!', that kind of attitude, which is understandable, but frustrating for a person like me. Maybe that's just the way it is, maybe I'll never be truly 'close' to someone, because at the end of the day I am my own best friend, and as long as I'm comfortable with myself, that's all really that really matters.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/eadcd815d43a159f7aa405f32b87d518/tumblr_mopkjpFTEf1qc54aio3_540.jpg

1.2. Who am I, again?

Something I can say for myself, and other select individuals I have known in my life, is the importance of having a vessel for expressing one's own identity-- a persona that isn't quite you, but an idealized version of yourself. Some people might find it unusual for a person to 'look up' to a fictional character, to aspire to be like someone who doesn't exist, and I can understand why. But in reality, 'real' people are imperfect and make mistakes, completely selfless individuals like Goku or Link do not exist in our world, but that doesn't mean we can't aspire to be like them. I would say Usagi and Korra are much more desirable role models for young people than say, people like Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber, both of whom (for having such a strong influence over young people), have had extremely questionable behavior in recent years.

That isn't to say we should all aspire to be perfect, we will always be flawed in one way or another, but it can be helpful to have certain fictional characters that we can relate to and invest ourselves into, especially if you are someone who has an unstable sense of identity to begin with. This past year has perhaps been one of the most difficult of my life, having been diagnosed with chronic depression, but having a character like Venom Snake from MGSV: The Phantom Pain (who does his best to make the best of a terrible situation and do 'the right thing', despite the excrutiating burden he has to carry) has been extremely helpful to me, in a way I'm not really sure how to describe. You guys probably already know how much Snake means to me, but his depiction in The Phantom Pain resonated with me in such a way that it's almost therapeutic. Over a year on since MGSV's release, I still listen to this piece of dialogue regularly.

"We have no tomorrow; but there is still hope for the future."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2TeGbNIm-E

The man knows his days are numbered-- you can hear the pain in his voice. But while he is still here and breathing, he will continue to do his bit to leave the world in a better state than it was yesterday, a message that Kojima often preaches in his games. Venom Snake lives out the life of a legendary mecenary figure, an often mentally exhausting hell where he ends up being forced to commit psyche-damaging acts for the 'greater good', and seeing himself as a demon as a result. Anyone who has played the original Metal Gear games on the MSX already knows how Venom's tale ends, the sad fact is that he will die being seen a villain despite what little good he tried to do for the world, a pawn in another man's chess game. That aside, the internal strength that he displays throughout TTP is something that I think anyone struggling with mental illness can relate to. Facing your demons straight in the eyes, enduring the pain and marching onwards; never giving up the good fight-- no matter how bleak things seem.

On that note, there is an artist I follow on Tumblr who draws what I'll call 'Motivational Venom's', which always brighten my day. It's nice to know that others have had a similar emotional response to this unfortunately under-appreciated character, but at the same time that makes it more personal. Many people misunderstood what TPP was trying to say with it's plot, and while I agree with much of the criticism, this may well be the most affected I have been by a single character.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/caca853447fe904f52511eb526424118/tumblr_o1vaarf1lx1u1utygo1_1280.png

Back to the point at hand, I believe it is important to have fictional characters that we can see ourselves in and strive to be like in our own way, whether that is one character in particular, or a mixture of several different ones. After all, people are complicated beings and can't be summarized in the same way a fictional character can, so instead they may reflect fragments within ourselves. In that way, we are made up of ideas. I wonder if that's one of the things that drew us to Outlaw Star in the first place. We were, after all, once children with stars in our eyes.

http://i.imgur.com/wSXWrdI.png

Well, I've hit a bit of a brick wall with what to write next, but those are some of the thoughts I've had rattling around inside my head. Until next time.

Scarab
5th January 2017, 06:36 PM
Today was a pretty cool day, you guys. Starting with a late night Worms game against Mantis, which involved far too much alcohol consumption on my part, I would have been alright with that alone. Honestly, I was kind of dreading today. My last birthday was something of a disaster. A miserable, stressful day which was ultimately spent in bed. Not this time, though. I woke up to a wonderful birthday cake that was baked by one of my mother's friends (which I posted in the photo thread), and we went to Pizza Hut with my uncle and grandad, which was a lovely time all around. I got some brilliant presents, too! Check it out:

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A miniature Henry which... doesn't work all that well, but is adorable nonetheless; a Terry's chicolate orange, a bottle of my favourite cocktail drink, a barrel cup the size of a plant pot, and best of all, a Tonberry plushie. :D I had one very similar to this when I was younger, but he ended up going missing, so I'll be sure to take EXTRA good care of this one.

Man, what a great day today has been. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a nap after all that food and drink...

Juneberry
6th January 2017, 03:20 AM
Those are nifty gifts! I haven't seen one of those oranges in ages! And that cup feels so western outlaw! :D

Mantis
10th January 2017, 10:20 AM
As I said in the photos thread, sorry I seem to have missed sending a proper birthday message.

Why don't you add more games to your Steam wishlist?! (It's there for a reason!)

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At any rate, I've sent you something I figured you'd probably enjoy. I wish you a very belated Happy Birthday. :chibigenegrinwink: (However that works. For next year? Screw it, I just hope you have an awesome day today, then!)

Scarab
11th January 2017, 03:23 AM
Hahah, no worries man. :D I don't expect people to remember, there are too many days in the year for that! Thanks for the gift, I've heard good things about these games so I look forward to giving it a try.

AsherTheWilliams
18th January 2017, 01:27 AM
You having that blu-ray fills me with hope for the future!