• Marriage - Is It Necessary?
  • Marriage - Is It Necessary?

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  1. #1
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    Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    A lot of people believe that marriage is a sacred agreement between a man and a woman. Personally, I hold the belief that marriage, as a whole, is a farce. Some of you may consider this thought to be "Deviant" or "Extreme". But can you honestly name me 3 things that you can get out of marriage, that you can't get out of a standard relationship? Face the argument, and don't just disregard me as some bitter asshole.

    I'm going to try as hard as I can to not sound sexist here, but to me, marriage is very much a women's thing. I'm not going to come out and say that I think all women want to get married purely to have the ability to leech off their husband indefinitely, because that's not always the case (Sometimes it is). But if you think about it, it only offers the woman any protection. I could be looking blind here, but I don't see how a man can benefit from marriage. What is it supposed to mean, anyway? Is it supposed to be some ultimate symbol of trust? If you were in a healthy relationship, with the person that was right for you, you would know that you wouldn't need a ring on your finger to trust your partner. "Men are just scared of commitment" say the feminists. I'm not scared of commitment, I just don't want go through a bunch of shit when things turn sour. And statistically, there is a good chance of that happening. But really, there's nothing wrong with that. People grow apart from each other and relationships end. It doesn't invalidate all of the things that were good about the relationship. Being married merely traps you with that person after you have stopped loving them, so why take the risk? Also, you might think you're going to love that person for ever, but even if you do, why do you need marriage to prove it?

    "Think of the children" says the religious-right. Okay, I will think about the children. Staying together for their sake is the WORST thing you can do for them. They're either going to grow up thinking that that level of resentment is normal for a couple, or they're going to blame themselves for their parents hating each other. A divorce may be hard on the kids, but the bottom line is, you can't raise them in a hostile environment.

    Back to the point about marriage being just for women. Why do most weddings have such an ugly, materialistic vibe to them? Personally, I feel like it's because a lot of women feel like they are entitled to be a princess for a single day. That's not what worries me. What worries me, is that feeling like a princess equates to spending ridiculous amounts of money on a ceremony that isn't even that serious, when you really think about it. Just take a step back. Zoom out, if you please. It's grandiose, and you know it. You're celebrating a legal contract, for f***s sake, not something holy. It's not even like you can get more than one use out of the things you payed for. It's horrible superficial bullshit to me, as is marriage itself.

    Discuss.

  2. #2
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    I guess its not necessarily necessary (lol) but it's most definitely expected. Especially from your folks family members, and friends, and well the significant other.

    From one stand point, yea that's a lot of money just so it can be official. Looking at it another way its also to make her happy. So yea I do agree on this being more a of a woman thing or for the women. Being that you're giving her that one special day. That day where she can share and show-off to everyone how proud she is to be with you. Of course she's already proud to be with you in the first place but EVERYONE has to know. May not sound like much to some guys, or seem like they're not exactly getting much out of it but oh well. That day you give her means the world to her and I'd be willing to make it happen no matter how much it cost.
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  3. #3
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    Necessary?

    Nope. Next!
    "It turned out that the ghost was just Mr. Finley, who ran the amusement park. The spooky part is that, as soon as the ghost appeared, the teenagers' dog began to speak! And it spoke in a tortured parody of human speech: 'relp me, Raggy,' it would say. 'I am an abomination and rould re rilled. Rill re, Raggy.'"

  4. Agree Tozzylicious agreed with this post
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    Interesting topic is interesting

    I don't think it's necessary, but it's definitely nice. I guess I get the impression that if a guy proposes, he's taking you seriously and isn't going to get distracted by some saucy new coworker or something and dump you next week. Us ladies generally go for the whole ~long term commitment~ thing (cue communal male shudder), so that sort of dedication is cute. I'd definitely prefer hearing "I want to be with you for the rest of forever" instead of an implied "yeah we'll be together maybe 'til the end of next year or next month or something who knows". Erm, yeah... /end silly womanly post

    As for the ritzy ceremonies and all that strange business... fuck 'em. I'd only do it if my family insisted (and paid for all of it).

  6. #5
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    Gotta love Hannah's view on this.

    My own is that from what I know, you're better off not marrying. Something to do with pensions and whatnot.

    Apparently when you're married, it gets shared (though I'm not sure this is true) and if you're not married, you each get your own. If this holds true, more money if you're not married.

    And if the guy / girl runs off when you're not married, you don't have to be tied up in a divorce. That and it may have happened anyway if you married.
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    So yeah, as assumed, some of you have indeed stuck up for marriage. But I will reiterate just to make my stance clear. Being married does not mean that your relationship will last longer. (sorry, Hannah). Like Grimm said, it just makes it more of a hassle to get out of. Kokiri, you seemed to miss my point about fancy weddings. I'd do a lot for the girl I love, but blowing cash on frivolous things is something I'm deeply against. If she needed that to be happy, I'd have second thoughts about her. Flexing of financial muscles isn't proof of love. We shouldn't need to put on a show for everyone, to show how proud we are. I really mean no offense, but it came off as a little bit naive when you said that. I can kind of get why some people view it as nice, and I can't stop any of you from getting married, but to me the whole idea is just silly. If I told a girl I loved her and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life, I would really mean it. I wouldn't be at all afraid of a long term relationship. In fact, that's exactly what I want. But I don't feel as if marriage is needed. I don't expect anyone to sign legal documents to prove they love me, and I would find it hard not to feel mistrusted if she felt like I had to. Also, if my friends and family expected it of me, I'd tell them to f*** off, because that's not something that I owe them.

  8. #7
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    Quote Originally Posted by lloydSSJ4
    Also, if my friends and family expected it of me, I'd tell them to f*** off, because that's not something that I owe them.
    This applies to anything, if you ask me. You probably weren't going to, but there you go anyway.
    "It turned out that the ghost was just Mr. Finley, who ran the amusement park. The spooky part is that, as soon as the ghost appeared, the teenagers' dog began to speak! And it spoke in a tortured parody of human speech: 'relp me, Raggy,' it would say. 'I am an abomination and rould re rilled. Rill re, Raggy.'"

  9. #8
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    "Kokiri, you seemed to miss my point about fancy weddings. I'd do a lot for the girl I love, but blowing cash on frivolous things is something I'm deeply against. If she needed that to be happy, I'd have second thoughts about her. Flexing of financial muscles isn't proof of love. We shouldn't need to put on a show for everyone, to show how proud we are."

    It can be viewed in more ways than one am I right? I already understand its a legal contract, and I already know that some marriages lead to divorces, and believe me if a girl only loved me because of money and gifts I wouldn't go any further with that relationship. Overall though you see it as a waste of money. I don't and that's what I'm trying to say.

    Not all weddings are "fancy" nor did you imply that in you were referring to fancy weddings in your initial post. A simple wedding on a beach with around 50 guests can only cost about $1500 and that includes dinner reservations. If I were flexing my financial muscles which I most certainly don't have, there wouldn't be any muscle to show for that. I don't think it would be hard to set aside that amount of money after a few years of working either. The wedding isn't just to make the bride happy. Think how proud some, well most all parents must be to see their children get married, or be able to take those final steps with their daughter to the alter. Marriage is something that has been going on for a long time and a vast majority of people have come accustomed to. If I can do something to make her happy and my parents proud before they leave this world then its most certainly not a waste of money or frivolous to me. Even if the wedding is only for one day, they're going to remember it for the rest of their lives.

    Overall I understand what your trying to say, you bring up several good points but because marriage is still in existence and must be done in order for it to be "legal/official" then I'd rather enjoy it and have a great time and think about what good can come out of it rather than thinking about all the negatives and how pointless it may seem.

    Sorry if I came of as being naive :S I'm not exactly one for big discussions nor do I really like debating. Out of all 922 of my posts, you'll only find 3 or 4 of them in Blue heaven.
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  10. #9
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    Marriage? A serious topic, indeed. A topic with seriousness that can only be understood when you're in those shoes. I don't believe any of us are qualified to produce a complete argument for or against marriage, because I imagine most of us haven't had the level of commitment that would make marriage come to mind. That said, why not? It's a sign of absolute commitment. It's a sign you want to be with that person indefinitely. When you're in those shoes you'll have to make that choice, and I do believe a lot of people foolishly get married prematurely. Whilst you didn't mention it a lot, I do hear from a lot of people that they don't like marriage because it's Christian. I don't care about the religious connotations of marriage. Religion, like it or not, is a part of society.

    Did you throw your gifts away at Christmas because it's a Christian tradition? I think not. Did you never attend religious education class to boycott it, and end up excluded? I doubt it. Did you launch your Easter eggs towards your mother's face as a protest? Or did you enjoy the taste of chocolate as one of the favourite parts of your childhood? Did you set your DVD player or computer alight when Outlaw Star briefly mentioned the philosophical topic of whether there is a god? No. You tolerated religion. You're older now, and you have your own thoughts and opinions. Fair enough. Nobody should or will deny you of that. But you cannot deny that you enjoyed things in your childhood that were of Christian origin. Marriage is Christian, but the principle is not altered by this. Now that I'm finished with the matter of religion, well, there isn't much more to say. Except that whilst I won't judge others for making the choice, I'd personally be against expensive weddings.

    If I ever got married, it would not be a costly one. The register office for a few hundred, followed by an amazing day out. Not exactly cheap, but certainly so compared to a stressful wedding. We'd invest the money for other amazing times in the future. An average wedding could pay for fifteen years (one per year) of great holidays. More so with an expensive wedding. I rest my case.
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  11. #10
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    RE: Marriage - Is It Necessary?

    People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment. Marriage is not so important for me, because I need to find new people every day and to socialize with them :S not just with one special person ! Maybe I change this opinion in future when im old veery old ......... veeery old 8) old







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