Thread: Why does sexual orientation matter so much?

Maybe this is coming from a lack of ignorance or personal experience but I don't understand why some people put such huge value on their sexual orientation. I know not everyone puts value in something like this but for those who do, it seems to be the center of their world. To me, a person's value should not be measured by things they can't control. Like being physically attracted to the same sex, the opposite sex, both, or neither shouldn't be a prime "selling" point in a human's life in terms of worth yet in this day and age, it seems to be.

I could understand drawing attention to it when equal rights were not a thing but there is no longer anything a gay/lesbian/bi person can't do that a straight person can. In the trans community, there are limits but this deals more with mental health, public safety, and generally what people go through when they have a sex change. It is mentally and emotionally crippling for most of them and without proper mental health care, many suffer through it. The suicide rate is over 40% with these people just to give an idea of how bad it can get. This is why there are limitations in the military and certain job careers that are mentally challenging for healthy individuals.

Why do you think people put so much value on something like this?

Sexuality shapes a person's view of the world in a significant way, and if your sexuality isn't shared by the majority of people, you're going to experience love and affection differently from others. As a bisexual myself, I go through feelings that most people probably have the fortune of not going through, like crushing on someone for ages only to find out that they're hetero, and therefore couldn't reciprocate my feelings. It can be heartbreaking sometimes, but I learned to soldier on through it. My sexuality isn't something I'm proud of, per se, but it isn't something that can be completely ignored, either. It is what it is, I suppose.

It depends on the person. But I think most people are normal about their sexuality and go about their daily lives same as everyone else.

As I mentioned in another post, I worked with a guy for over a year and didn't know he was gay. Sure, I suspected that he might be due to some of his mannerisms, but he was never overly feminine. Then at a Christmas party he's like "this is my husband." He never felt the need to shout from the rooftops "I'm gay" and it didn't shape work friendships and whatnot. Another friend of mine is quite camp, yet, he's bisexual. I was sure he was gay lol. I know quite a few gay men through musical theatre and while some are obvious, others are not. One guy from a visiting group was asking me which guys were gay/straight/single of the ones he thought were cute, so that he wouldn't hit on the wrong people. Hahah! See? Most people are discreet about how they handle interactions in a setting where most people are likely to be hetero.

On the other hand, there's this girl on a forum I am part of and she is so militant about her sexuality that it became kinda uncomfortable. I am open-minded and honestly couldn't give a toss what someone else's sexual orientation is. You treat me with respect and I'll do the same for you. However, this one girl was jumping down the necks of absolutely everyone for the dumbest of reasons. One example: There was a tabloid news article posted about a man without a penis who claimed that he had sex with more than 50 women. (Trashy article, as tabloids do.) This teenage girl comes along and posts something like... "Oh okay, so he doesn't have to worry about babies then. lol" The militantly bisexual woman was all over her about how she had just upset every gay and trans person out there... and I'm like WHAT? No. That girl wasn't even thinking that way. The answer I got from this woman was "well, she should've been." I don't think it's normal to walk around worried that every dumb comment is going to upset someone. Having said that, I haven't come across anyone that behaves like this in real life. So maybe the internet draws attention more on the minority of people who are like this?

Originally Posted by OutlawBard19

Sexuality shapes a person's view of the world in a significant way, and if your sexuality isn't shared by the majority of people, you're going to experience love and affection differently from others. As a bisexual myself, I go through feelings that most people probably have the fortune of not going through, like crushing on someone for ages only to find out that they're hetero, and therefore couldn't reciprocate my feelings. It can be heartbreaking sometimes, but I learned to soldier on through it. My sexuality isn't something I'm proud of, per se, but it isn't something that can be completely ignored, either. It is what it is, I suppose.

It is hard to ignore hormones so I get that and as someone who likes both genders, I would imagine it can be harder because you run the risk of being attracted to the people who are straight so I do get that being hard, especially when you are younger. Feelings of rejection aside, you likely are nothing like the people I am referring to in the OP, I never got that from you anyway. In relationships, it is going to be a big deal for people but outside of that, it shouldn't be I guess was my point and I see people making it their whole entire life.

Originally Posted by Shannon

It depends on the person. But I think most people are normal about their sexuality and go about their daily lives same as everyone else.

As I mentioned in another post, I worked with a guy for over a year and didn't know he was gay. Sure, I suspected that he might be due to some of his mannerisms, but he was never overly feminine. Then at a Christmas party he's like "this is my husband." He never felt the need to shout from the rooftops "I'm gay" and it didn't shape work friendships and whatnot. Another friend of mine is quite camp, yet, he's bisexual. I was sure he was gay lol. I know quite a few gay men through musical theatre and while some are obvious, others are not. One guy from a visiting group was asking me which guys were gay/straight/single of the ones he thought were cute, so that he wouldn't hit on the wrong people. Hahah! See? Most people are discreet about how they handle interactions in a setting where most people are likely to be hetero.

On the other hand, there's this girl on a forum I am part of and she is so militant about her sexuality that it became kinda uncomfortable. I am open-minded and honestly couldn't give a toss what someone else's sexual orientation is. You treat me with respect and I'll do the same for you. However, this one girl was jumping down the necks of absolutely everyone for the dumbest of reasons. One example: There was a tabloid news article posted about a man without a penis who claimed that he had sex with more than 50 women. (Trashy article, as tabloids do.) This teenage girl comes along and posts something like... "Oh okay, so he doesn't have to worry about babies then. lol" The militantly bisexual woman was all over her about how she had just upset every gay and trans person out there... and I'm like WHAT? No. That girl wasn't even thinking that way. The answer I got from this woman was "well, she should've been." I don't think it's normal to walk around worried that every dumb comment is going to upset someone. Having said that, I haven't come across anyone that behaves like this in real life. So maybe the internet draws attention more on the minority of people who are like this?

That is a valid point. Attention seeking people no matter what their sexual orientation will use things about themselves to get more attention and since the general LGBT gains loads of attention today and not always for the right reasons, I could see those who are like this taking advantage of that. I have been friends with both gay and bisexual people and they never acting as if every detail of their life revolves around who they are attracted to, speaking especially outside of relationships. It being a factor within relationships will be a big deal and I would imagine since there are fewer bisexuals and even fewer homosexuals, that brings about relationship experiences someone who is straight like myself would not understand.

Sexual orientation doesn't matter that much, but for some people that is the only interesting thing about them (or so they think) so they latch on to it and exclaim how unique they are over and over.