• Terrible Awful Movies on YouTube Thread
  • Terrible Awful Movies on YouTube Thread

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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zemekis View Post
    I'm very proud of you.
    I'm very, VERY drunk right now so I genuinely don't know if you're taking the piss or not.

    ANYWAY...

    Holding/reserving this space for NIGHTMARE CITY.

    You'll see it's not bolded or even hyperlinked yet because I'm mashing this keyboard just to get this sentence out. Expect whatever comments I have to say about this fucking garbage movie when I wake up and sign in again.
    "It turned out that the ghost was just Mr. Finley, who ran the amusement park. The spooky part is that, as soon as the ghost appeared, the teenagers' dog began to speak! And it spoke in a tortured parody of human speech: 'relp me, Raggy,' it would say. 'I am an abomination and rould re rilled. Rill re, Raggy.'"

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by BaronOfStuff View Post
    I'm very, VERY drunk right now so I genuinely don't know if you're taking the piss or not.

    ANYWAY...

    Holding/reserving this space for NIGHTMARE CITY.

    You'll see it's not bolded or even hyperlinked yet because I'm mashing this keyboard just to get this sentence out. Expect whatever comments I have to say about this fucking garbage movie when I wake up and sign in again.
    Not taking the piss (this time). I'm a fellow fan of so bad it's good type media, so I look forward to these summaries.
    "Out of the ground, raze all greenery with flame! Fire2!"
    Quote Originally Posted by Starwind55 View Post
    It deals with a demon virus that transforms people into freaky looking fuckers

  3. #13
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    Fair enough. On with the show then, with a big fucking essay I made by rolling my face across the keys.

    So, NIGHTMARE CITY. Yet another grand Shitalian "horror" flick from that golden age of godawful. So much so that I'm actually going to do something more than simply hyperlink the title. I'm going to put some effort into linking it, which is more effort than anyone behind the movie itself put into making it.

    ---CLICK THE MONG!---



    ---WATCH THE MOVIE!---


    As you can see from the above face, this is another "zombie" movie. Surprisingly, this one also has a plot. Sort of.

    Our hero, TV Reporter Man, goes to the airport to meet some scientist to interview him about a fuck-off nuclear accident which has resulted in radiation spewing across the land. An unexpected aircraft makes an emergency landing but refuses to respond to the control tower at any point. Uh-oh! The military (who are inexplicably yet conveniently just idling around this airport) swan on up to investigate, just as the doors to the aircraft open.

    At this point you know the zombies are going to be on board. Unsurprisingly, they are. But the scientist guy is with them; he's a zombie too! And that's the last we see of him. Great plot point, what a payoff.

    The zombies swarm off the plane in the most shit-tastic make-up (just look at the fucking face above!), rushing around like blue-arsed flies and armed with knives and bars and other close-combat bullshit, proceeding to easily overpower the army guys who are armed with various small-arms and whatnot, all due to being RADIOACTIVE MUTANT ZOMBIEMANS, giving them some sort of invulnerability to firepower. Like most better-known zombies, they then proceed to eat their vic-... oh no wait they just drink their blood. Sure, whatever.

    As the craptastic chaos unfolds at the airport, TV Reporter Man gets the fuck outta there, bumbling from place to place:
    • TV Station -- He must warn the nation! He fails miserably because some army general says "no u" and tells him to fuck off. The TV station is then attacked by the zombies, with a bunch of nameless extras being used to show us a pile of boring unimportant deaths.
    • Hospital -- On a mission to save his Doctor Wife, TV Reporter Man arrives just as the power is cut (because these zombies are capable of planning that sort of thing too). They both escape, at the cost of more nameless extras being killed by these zombies (which are starting to really look like they're just men with a wad of wet shit stuck to their face).
    • Church -- Never mind, the priest is a zombie. Run away!
    • Fairground -- What a great place to choose. The zombies will never get us if we ride rollerco-... ohhh wait this is overrun too. Finding some ridiculously convenient army corpses with a stash of weapons to go around, TV Reporter Man & Doctor Wife arm up and start blapping zumbimans like nobody's business.


    While all that shit above is happening, there are also several side-stories going on that add nothing to the main story whatsoever. A bunch of non-characters we have no reason to give a flying dick about all go doing various uninteresting things and in most cases die stupidly. They are literally in the movie just to pad the running time and ramp up the already absurd body count, all while having no interaction with the main two """characters""" or building any sort of emotional investment or reaction when they finally get offed (through their own shitheaded moves & bad screenwriting).

    I won't ruin the ending here because it has to be seen to be believed. There's a twist, it's wonderfully shit, followed by yet another twist which manages to be even shittier. It's incredibly stupid, and just plain fucking lazy.

    WARNING: ENDING SPOILER!!
    This is the level of special effects that this movie employs when it comes to stuntwork.

    Now as for the zombies, these are infuriating for the simple reason that they're just so fucking inconsistent. One minute they're fast and co-ordinated enough to take down the (world's shittiest) military, the next they're standing around just reaching out like they've been lobotomised. In one scene they're borderline invulnerable with headshots being the only way to kill them, yet in another they're being downed by spray-and-pray shots hitting them anywhere except the head.

    The only thing consistent about them is the make-up, in that it's just exceptionally bad. They seriously just look like they've either rolled face-first in cowshit, or have so little make-up applied that you just wonder if that's the point in production when the money ran out.

    Fuck this, what a waste of time.
    "It turned out that the ghost was just Mr. Finley, who ran the amusement park. The spooky part is that, as soon as the ghost appeared, the teenagers' dog began to speak! And it spoke in a tortured parody of human speech: 'relp me, Raggy,' it would say. 'I am an abomination and rould re rilled. Rill re, Raggy.'"

  4. #14
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    For one glorious moment, I thought that head you posted was The Toxic Avenger. Come to think of it, one of these days we need to get together with the boys and watch some Troma flicks, specifically SGT. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D



    Anywho, back on topic, I watched a little bit of that movie. Is it just me or do a lot of Italian zombie movies seem to use music that sounds like something you'd hear in a 70s cop show? I remember my brother making me watch another italian horror movie called The Beyond that had similar music. I know they probably have incredibly limited resources to make these movies but couldn't they come up with something that tonally fits the movie?

  5. #15
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    It does seem to be a trend with a lot of Italian horror from the 70's and 80's. It's as if the composers weren't even paying attention to whatever the movie was about and went out to just create whatever blaring cacophony they could dream up.
    "It turned out that the ghost was just Mr. Finley, who ran the amusement park. The spooky part is that, as soon as the ghost appeared, the teenagers' dog began to speak! And it spoke in a tortured parody of human speech: 'relp me, Raggy,' it would say. 'I am an abomination and rould re rilled. Rill re, Raggy.'"

  6. #16
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    Here's my low-effort contribution, the obligatory...



    (Trailer below)


    You all probably already know about it. Oh well!
    Gene: "Have faith in me guys, enjoy the ride—you're in good hands. I can handle this. I can do it!"
    Jim: "How do you know?"
    Gene: "I don't!"
    Jim: "I knew it."
    Gene: "That's okay. There's a first time for everything!"

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