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  1. #1
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    Post Extinguished, a Short Story

    I wasn't going to start shilling myself for another week or so, but our lord Mantis has expressed interest in my wares and there was no way I could say "no".

    "On the island of O'ahu, Lilah is about to make a scientific discovery that could change the world. Unfortunately for her, somebody doesn't like that kind of thing."
    This is my first ever "complete" Short Story... it has gone through many revisions. You will meet three characters... one of them is my very own homemade WAIIFU! Yes, I am using this term unironically.
    Guess which one it is.


    If you'd rather have the option to read this with a dark background and white text, DeviantArt has that feature. However, the wattpad version comes with a unique feature... MOOD MUSIC.

    I suppose I could have tried getting into the muck with HTML and embedding the yowtub videos into the DeviantArt pages, but... I'm a lazy bastard. It's one of the reasons it has taken me so long to produce anything... of course, I am working on fixing that behaviour, I promise


    On DeviantArt you can also see a small Art Gallery, featuring sketches, drafts, and the works of fellow artists (who are all way better than me )



    This was an expensive piece, but it was worth the weight:

    Name:  OltiNR9.png
Views: 21
Size:  357.6 KB


    Thanks to anyone who reads and I welcome everyone to give me feedback, ask questions, etc...

  2. #2
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    Sorry I'm late replying to this. I've read the first couple of chapters and it's enjoyable (I look forward to learning more about Lilah), but I think I'll read the rest tonight. This is a little embarrassing, but I'm a bit of a slow reader. (I suppose on the bright side it allows me to envisage the details more vividly.) When I get home I'll be sure to continue.
    Gene: "Have faith in me guys, enjoy the ride—you're in good hands. I can handle this. I can do it!"
    Jim: "How do you know?"
    Gene: "I don't!"
    Jim: "I knew it."
    Gene: "That's okay. There's a first time for everything!"

    Anime and Steam info

    Anime-Planet.com - anime | manga | reviews



  3. #3
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    That's okay, you're already reading it faster than 75% the people I handed it to

  4. #4
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    I know that feeling. Anyway, I've finished now. Overall I enjoyed it. Mood music certainly made it more immersive, although it's a shame the music isn't longer. (Although the last track was a sufficient length.) I think the first three chapters mostly establish the characters and storyline. I think it would flow better if you condensed the first two chapters into one. I liked the festival part, especially the shooting range. The ending was unexpected. You did a great job with that.
    Gene: "Have faith in me guys, enjoy the ride—you're in good hands. I can handle this. I can do it!"
    Jim: "How do you know?"
    Gene: "I don't!"
    Jim: "I knew it."
    Gene: "That's okay. There's a first time for everything!"

    Anime and Steam info

    Anime-Planet.com - anime | manga | reviews



  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mantis View Post
    I know that feeling. Anyway, I've finished now. Overall I enjoyed it. Mood music certainly made it more immersive, although it's a shame the music isn't longer.
    It kinda depends on how fast you read, I suppose. It would be nice if there was a looping YouTube feature, but I don't complain too much about free services

    (Although the last track was a sufficient length.)
    You mean the "Credits" track? Because that's for after finishing

    I think the first three chapters mostly establish the characters and storyline. I think it would flow better if you condensed the first two chapters into one. I liked the festival part, especially the shooting range. The ending was unexpected. You did a great job with that.
    Thank you. I was hoping I wasn't giving away too many hints about the antagonist prior to the ending.

    As far as the flow goes, there's always opportunity to revise for a new edition (something I plan to make for a compilation I would make for sale in the future), so if I think it still needs work I'll probably do it then.

    Right now I am focusing on a novella of sorts... though my personal Editor is encouraging me to make it into a full novel... as much as I don't want to, it has one too many side plots to ignore that suggestion, and I really don't want to abandon any side plots...

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