• a outlaw star fanfic thing
  • a outlaw star fanfic thing

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  1. #1
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    a outlaw star fanfic thing

    So um,I got bored and its to hot to do anything outside. sooo..OUTLAW STAR fanfic! its probably gona be stupid but hey, tell me what you think. Also its based after the last episode and if i was 18 , chapter 1 ************************************************** ************************************* Narrator: The adventure never ends,we'll set off on a journey sometime somewhere to the stars again. and the new adventure has begun. Didnt think we would just leave you hanging did you?

    ''When are we gona get there?'' Aisha said with a growl, growing impatiant. ''Soon enough!'' Gene barked. ''So who is this guy anyway?I cant find anything about him.''Jim said,Melfina replied''They say he is the key to killing the 108 stars. He might not look like much but hes it.'' ''EARTH!? what are we doing here? only pathetic humans live here! you telling me that the key to stoping the 108 stars lives on Earth? oh please..'' The ctarlctarl said with a look of dissapointment ''You really shouldnt judge people you know nothing about,Aisha.'' Gilliam the ships AI said. ''we will be arriving in 30 minutes.''

    Meanwhile, somewhere out in the wilderness, ''I see you..'' with a sort of serouis growly voice as he fired his rifle. ''You know, shooting targets gets old...'' he started to walk home but asked himself ''Is this it? What am i here for?'' he heard what sounded to be a jet and he started to look around. ''What the hell!?'' A red ship was starting to land,expecting hostile aliens Hunter got in a prone postition and took aim. ''Huh?''Hunter said as a red haired guy jumped out and started to walk towards him..Hunter got up ''Uh,Hi?'' he said ''Hey!'' the red haird man said with a smile.

    Still aboard the ship ''So,Thats him.'' Suzuke said in her usual calm voice. ''Suzu, Are you sure? I expected someone bigger!'' Aisha said, Suzuke replied with ''Yeah, thats him and your not the only one Aisha.'' ''There coming this way.'' Gilliam said.

    Back on the surface ''So uh, Gene thats your ship?'' Hunter said looking at the Outlaw Star in awe and Gene with a smurk said ''Yeah, thats her alright. Hey you want to take a ride in it?'' Hunter didnt know what to say Hunter always wanted adventure but leave everything behind? ''Yeah il go with you!'' he answerd with his he eyes lit up, ''Alright!!'' The two guys smiling ,Hunter stoped ''wait can leave something for my mom so she wont freak out?'' slightly annoyed Gene gave him a video messengar and went over the controls '' Alright your ready to go?'' the red haird boy said ''Yeah I geuse.'' a look was in Hunters eyes like he was leaving something behind. The two boarded the ship.****Part 2 (theme)******************************************* *********
    ''All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.''



  2. #2
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    RE: a outlaw star fanfic thing

    [/align]Part 2( return theme)********** Gilliam answerd the door with''Hello Gene,should I registor him as a crew member?'' ''Yeah, this my new friend here! the least we could do is let him in''*whooosshh* the door to the ship slamed open. Hunters eyes
    looked around ''This way!!'' gene said ''Al-Alright.'' Hunter said a little worried about what hes geting into,

    He walked after Gene ''Well here it is! make your self at home, i geuse.'' Gene said. ''Hi!'' Hunter said with a smile and a wave, Jim looked up from his computer ''Hey! Im Jim basically the brains of this thing haha.'' ''Yeah, and im the muscle!'' Gene said flexing at Jim''show off'' Melfina smiled at the boys ''Hi'' she said with a smile in a calm voice. ''Hello.'' Suzuke said in her clam voice, ''Suzu, what are you doing I need your help! get in here!'' a voice from the kitichen '' Haha whos that?'' the new comer said, ''Thats Aisha, The ctarl ctarl.''jim started but Gene cut him off '' shes got a massive ego and gets real nasty when you piss her off, which is easy for me to do aparently!'' ''Yeah, becuase your a smartass gene. Shes preety much like my big sister.'' Jim said, ''Ctarl Ctarl?'' ''There like mix between a human and a tiger!'' jim said.

    ''The food is done! get in here and tell me what you think! I promise it wont be as bad as last time!'' The voice said agian ''Come on, your in for a real treat...'' the two boys said sarcasticly. The door opend with another whoosh! and inside was Aisha Clan Clan the Ctarl Ctarl, The new comemer and the catgirl locked eyes,Hunter stared for what seemed to be days at the ctarl ctarl woman, never seeing anyone like her. (Outlaw Star ost1-expectations) Eyes that was green as the endless oceans of grass back home,Her skin was tan,kissed by the sun,Hair that was long and white as snow, A body that looked as if it was crafted by the hands of God himself. There was a Aura about her,the look in her eyes..you could see her very soul,It was strong and wild. (''this is Aisha? she doesnt look that bad.'' Hunter thought at the same time Aisha was thinking ''This is who is gona kill the 108? oh please..'' the silece broke ''Hi!'' ''HI! Im make one mean ctarl ctarl stew, wana try some? itl make you as strong as five men!'' The boy looked at the pot and inside was fish heads and other odds and ends. ''Sure!,Thank you'' Aishia fixed up a quick bowl '' Tell me what you think!'' She said with a smile, not wanting to burst her bubble Hunter took a bite it was the worst thing he has ever tasted in his life, but he remeber what Jim and Gene said about ctarl ctarls and there temper''it-it'' trying not to puke ''Its good!''

    the rest of the crew stared at Hunter with a stare of wtf. ''SEE, I TOLD YOU GUYS ITS NOT THAT BAD!!'' She said with a growl, The day went on as they took off into space, geting introduced to everybody. ''So guys where am i gona sleep tonight'' Hunter said not trying to root somebody out of their bed. ''Well i geuse in here if you want, we kinda got a shortage of room'' Jim said and pointed to one of the chairs in the cockpit. That night when everyone was asleep,Hunter was still awake in the cramp cockpit chair, thinking about Earth and all he left behind, but still excited for the begining of the adventure. ''Do you need some sleeping medacation Hunter?''the ships Ai asked''No im fine, but hey do you got a guitar haha i had music class early this year'' he said ''Yes we do, from Genes guitar phase. that boy'' gilliam sets out to go get the guitar from the cargo hold. While hes waiting The boy goes and takes a piss and notices the walls are sound proof'' hehehe kick ass'' he said with a grin, gilliam made his way back with the instrument ''Might I ask what are you going to play?''

    ''Its been a while since I played and I wasnt very good to start with, Tell me how I do alright!'' The boy struggles at first and starts to remeber how to play and begins to play Far from home by Five Finger Death Punch.''Another day in this carnivel of souls,another night settles as quickly as it goes.'' Aisha wakes up to go to the bathroom and hears the playing, stepping as quielty as she could she went to go see what it was, her eyes watched as Hunter played that song, she stood there a listened '' The mermories of shadows, ink on the page. And i cant seem to find my way home. and its almost like your heavens trying everthing..your heavens trying everything to keep me out. all the places ive been and the things ive seen. A million stories that made up a million shatterd dreams...and the faces of people, il never see again..and i cant seem to find my way..home..'' ''Wow. Did you write this song?'' she said with her eyes lit up.

    ''HUH!? WHERED YOU COME FROM!'' The boy said startled ''Oh I was going to go to the bathroom and I heard you playing that..uh..thing! did you write this yourself? I like it!'' the catgirl said ''ummm yes! yes I did.'' Hunter said with a smile ''Really?'' ''Haha no.its from a band.'' The two began to talk about the song ''So are you sad about leaving your planet, To be perfectly honest it didnt look all that great, not nearly as great as the CTARL CTARL EMPIRE!'' she stood standing triumphantly ''0.0 I kinda do sort of. so what are you ctarl ctarls like'' '' Oh..well eerr.. We Ctarl Ctarl are supperoir beings, we are as strong as ten men!'' the catgirl said yawning, she began to walk to her room to go back to sleep ''lol i doubt it.'' hunter whisperd ''Hey I heard that Hunter, a child barely out of diapers shouldnt be insulting a woman whos mature and wordly.'' ''you heard me?'' Hunter looked like oooh shit..''you better better believe it. The best ears in the whole universe are those of the Ctarl Ctarl, you wont forget that right?'' she said with a smile pointing to her ears ''no way!''he said back with a smurk ''now thats a good boy Hunter, well good night!'' ''Good night!!''

    hunter said as he curled up into a ball trying to fit on the chair. Aisha studied hunter for a bit and remeber how it felt to first be on this ship, even with her proud mentality she had that feeling of being set out in the cold ''hey..uh.. you can sleep in here in my room if you want, JUST DONT TRY ANYTHING FUNNY! Or il tear you apart!'' she said with a stern look while she pulled a hotdog out of the fridge and broke it in half. '' holy shit...Thanks but i dont want to take your bed away from you'' he said trying to be polite ''Oh its fine, you dont have to be so nice around here.'' the two went into the room and layed down, ''Thanks Aisha'' hunter said and with a tierd voice and a growl the catgirl said'' aahhrrrr... dont metion it..'' the boy layed there thinking about his friends on earth and with a whisper'' im sorry you guys theres just nothing for me there..il remeber you all..''

    with a twitch of her ear the ctarl ctarl heard the boy and went back to the day she was sent to space. in her mind her thoughts raced ''who is this kid.. really? what a sap hehehe..well..not really...hes alright i geuse..WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? YOUR A PROUD CTARL CTARL!..i know..but...'' Aisha finally made up her mind to study the boy while he was sleeping..''well hes not that bad. not what i was expecting haha, mabye with the way he eats ctarl ctarl stew he wont be half bad haha..''she whisperd, she tossed and turned through the night.. thinking.. finally falling asleep She had dreams about when she made it to space,lost her rank, tricked her way on to the outlaw star. she couldnt hold back her cat like curiosity any longer and got right beside him to study every detial of his upper body..and suddenly his eyes opend '' Hey.. what are you doing'' "OH NOTHING!! I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING HEHEHE!!'' with a nervous laughter and she jumped back to her spot.. a little while later ''Uh.ggrrr...Hunter can I ask you something!?'' ''yeah what is it?'' ************************************************** **************************TO BE CONTINUED***** Chapter 2 (ending theme)
    ''All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.''



  3. #3
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    RE: a outlaw star fanfic thing

    You should try to add paragraphing to your second post. Sorry but I find it physically hard to read. I guess I should be wearing my reading glasses since when paragraphs aren't used, sometimes I find it hard to keep track of which line I am reading. (One of my eyes is not so good.)

    I think from reading the first post, you could produce something pretty good. However, you should try to work on your spelling/grammar/punctuation, and generally how you write. It's definitely a good basis for a fanfic. Alongside spelling/grammar/punctuation, just a couple of other things I'd suggest...

    • Melfina probably wouldn't say "kill" under any normal circumstances as it's not in her nature
    • Try not to use "[name of character] said" too often—study popular and well-written fanfics and how character dialogue was written
    • To add to that, the same goes for "replied", although it does have its uses

    So yeah, in your other thread you asked for non-sugar-coated replies. Just constructive criticism. Try editing your second post and perhaps following some guidelines to fix many aspects of your writing (including the first post) and I'm sure you'll become a much better writer. Well, no offence, but I'd honestly recommend this guide for improving your spelling and grammar. Remember the spell checker too. 8)

  4. #4
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    RE: a outlaw star fanfic thing

    [align=center]******************* CHAPTER 2!!*********************************************** ***
    ''yeah, what is it'' ''eerrr, well nothing'' hunter and aisha said .there was a momentary silinece ''Go to sleep,hunter.'' '' Yes mam..'' early in the morning or what would be morning on earth, everyone went through there usual rituals, even hunter as he stumbled into the shower as jim was in there'' HEY SOMEBODYS IN HERE'' ''OH GOD, SORRY!'' as like his legs had a mind of there own, he turned around and ran out into the ships halway. ''HAHAHA, you ran in on Jim?'' Gene said in his usual tone.

    ''Yeah!'' Hunter replied with a growly voice ''WHATS THE BIG IDEA!'' jim walked in with his face red.'' sorry about that little man '' the two 1000yard stared at each other. ''Nya, will you people keep it down!'' Aisha yelled from her room. ''Calm down...gosh..'' gene said back, Hunter laughed a little bit thinking about Tourettes Guy Hunter began to laugh out loud. ''whats so funny?'' '' hahaha, calm down ,calm down, dont get a big d*ck!'' ''hahaha what the hell?'' gene said, ''Hey so what did you guys need me for any way? im just some random guy.''

    ''uumm..'' ''Well were almost at are first stop, Hunter you might want to sit down'' Gene said trying to change the subject, ''Huh! WAIT WHERE!!'' the ship begins to land, Aisha jumps up from her bed ''Hey! whats going on!!'' as Hunter was trying to stay standing ''WERE LANDING!!'' after all the comotion was over ''we have reached our destination'' The ships Ai said as the door opend everyone made there way out but Hunter was behind, he was looking in his bag and got out some new clothes ''lets see whats in the bag of wanders.'' Hunter pulled out a m65 tiger stripe jacket with a holster on the inside, loaded with a .44, and some new pants. with the rest of the group Aishia said'' Hold on a sec, I forgot something!'' the rest of the team had a annoyed look.

    She enterd the ship and her room and was looking for some extra wong she hid. ''Its gota be in here..Aisha is so clever.'' she said to herself ''Nobody could find it here!'' she proclaimed, Hunter was in the bathroom changing his clothes and heard the foot steps of a Ctarl Ctarl, Hes heart beat quickend ''shes gona see me in my underwear if I dont hurry up.'' he whisperd ''HEY! WHOS IN THERE!!'' aisha barged in,''TRYING TO STEAL MY WONG I SEE, YOUR IN BIG TROU-'' her sentece cut off. Hunters face turned red. ************************************ ([/align]part 2 theme)
    ''All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.''



  5. #5
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    RE: a outlaw star fanfic thing

    **********(Part 2 theme)****************************************** ''NYA!!'' she screamed and slaming the door'' mabye I should have knocked first.'' standing behind the door ''I WASNT DOING THAT'' Hunter said with a red face trying to hurry to get his pants all the way on.. ''Alright then, what do you suppose you was doing then huh?'' ''' I was putting my new clothes on'' he stood up '' How is it?'' as he took a manly pose. Aisha took a look at him and her ears lowerd ''well.. the jacket-'' Aisha's ears perked up '' We have to go now.''

    ''Whats wrong?!'' Hunter with a concerned look on his face ''JIM!'' Aisha sprinted out of the ship with Hunter right on her heels. ''So, you thought you could get rid of the Mcdougals..'' a man with dark curly hair and a red suit '' Ron Mcdougal!,You put him down now!'' Gene said with his pistol drawn. The dark haired man laughed '' and what makes you think Il do that?'' ''THIS!!!'' a tan fist impacted Ron's jaw at a staggering speed,Ron flew nearly ten feet before he dropped to the ground releasing his grip on the young boy.

    '' THANKS AISHA!!'' jim said running towards his Ctarl Ctarl gaurdian with his eyes watery from the fear of being a hostage. ''Youl pay for that..'' Ron got back up and got out his caster wand, and aimed it at the two, ''get behind me.'' Aisha said as Jimfollowed the order and got behind her. '' Come on take your best shot. A gun will never work on a immortal Ctarl Ctarl.'' '' Is that right? Well I geuse Il just have to kill Gene then, You destroyed my brothers body, now il destroy yours.'' ''Oh really, is that so?''Gene remeber that a caster will cancel out another, with a smurk he reached for it, His eyes got huge ''dam..looks like this is it.'' he left his caster on the ship by mistake, he braced as soon as he saw Rons caster charging ''NO!'' Melfina cried ''your coming with me after this. Harry still wants to se-'' Ron had a arm around his throat choking him from behind , Hunter had him in a sleeper hold ''Who-Who are you'' the two fell backwards onto the ground

    The caster wand fired into the air, Ron coughed and hit his attacker in the stomach geting him off of him, the two rose to there feet. The rest of the crew look in awe ''such strength for someone his size.'' The Twilight assassin said. ''Your not bad for a little runt,to bad il have to kill you'' Ron got into a stance that resembled the russian martial art Systema, Hunter got into his stance of the greek martial art Pankration ''Pankration..that hasnt been seen for 100 years..'' Suzuke said ''Well you should of thought about that before hurting one of my friends, now im pissed!'' Hunter yelled charging at Ron with a punch, Ron weeved and spun Hunter around and hit him in the ribs with a hard elbow ''AAAHHHHH!!!! DAMIT''

    ''KICK HIS ASS HUNTER!!'' Gene yelled ''YEAH SHOW HIM WHAT YOU GOT'' The Ctarl Ctarl roared cheering him on, ''I got ya now. hehehe'' Hunter grabbed Rons arm and put him into a wrist lock and bent him down, Hunter wasnt threw just yet, kicking him in the face repeatedly, Ron broke free with his face bloodied ''Il get you one day kid..you just wait, yours is coming.'' Ron retreated droping a bag filled with 300 wong, Hunter picked it up'' YEAH!IMA MANLY MAN!!'' he yelled jokingly while doing random flexs ''Damn man, whered you learn that?'' ''Yeah what was that called anyway?'' the two other boys asked, Melfina at Genes side'' Thanks for saving him hunter'' . '' THAT WAS AWSOME!'' Aisha said with her ears perked up ''Not bad.'' Suzuke whisperd in her passive voice.


    The day went on, They traveld to stores buying supplies, Gene wasnt much of a shopper so he just went to the bar and Melfina was there to watch him so he wouldnt get into any trouble. ''That kid. He reminds me of myself when I was younger.'' Gene said to himself ''He does have a few of your traits.'' Melfina said while eating some desert.

    ''LETS GO IN HERE!'' Aisha yelled pointing at a near by grocery store. ''Remeber Aisha we only have so much cash, we can only buy what we need'' Jim looked at her sternly, Aishas ruffled his hair and said jokingly ''Graaaww, Shut up I wont spend as much as last time.'' ''AISHA!!'' He screamed but she had already ran inside, the rest followed behind. Jim went to the computers sectoin, Suzuke went to find some tea, Hunter was feeling preety hungery so he went to the food isle only to meet a certain Ctarl Ctarl and 17 Buckets of ice cream of all flavors in her arms ''I SCREAM,YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!!'' she roared as she started walking to the cash registor ''hahaha!! Ice cream?'' ''Its a Ctarl Ctarl favorite!'' she said walking triumphantly with her catch of the frozen food, making it to the cash registor and unsuspecting cashierd herd a massive thud ''WHAT WAS THAT!?'' the cashier said startled, ''17 buckets of ice cream please.'' Aisha said standing there impaintly to recieve her prize '' Thatl be 150 wong'' ''150 wong! this is ridiculous! an outrage!May I have you know im a Ctarl Ctarl officer!'' she yelled with anger and geting into the cashiers face ''y-yes-s-s m-mam.'' as he took cover behind his desk like a frighted solider afraid to return fire. she got out her bag of wong and looked inside and only 85 was inside, she looked around, her pride telling her not to ask for help but there was no way to escape the fact of being low on funding , so she caved in ''Psst! Hunter get over here'' Aisha whisperd '' yeah, what do you need?'' ''Aisha needs some money! pleeassee'' she said with a puppy face Hunter tried not to look into her green eyes but it was to much ''Oh I geuse so.'' ''YES!'' Aisha jumped into the air

    ''Sooooo How much do you need?'' ''150.'' ''150! What?! thats impossible!'' the cashier hunkerd down once more. ''I know! this store outragis with its prices. this better be some good icecream!'' the Ctarl woman said, with two angry customers on his hands the cashier surrenderd the ice cream ''I-its f-free n-no ch-arge.'' Aisha and Hunter blinked and looked at each other and laughed, Aisha lifted all the ice cream and hurried to get to the ship with Hunter beside her, both laughing about their perdicament. ''Suzuke, what are we going to do for money?'' Jim asked ''We could look for bounties'' she replied, Suzuke turned her head and looked out of the stores window ''looks like Aisha found the ice cream again.'' she commented '' Oh no, how much did she buy this time?'' Jim asked shaking his head. '' The same as last time'' The assassin said '' We are going to have to keep her on the ship if we hope to have any money.'' ************************************************** *************************************chapter 3




    ''All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.''



  6. #6
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    RE: a outlaw star fanfic thing

    ******CHAPTER 3************************************************* ************* The two charged the ship(outlaw star ost1-desire) ''Why hello, do you wish to- AAHHH!'' gilliam tried to answer but the two breached in''Aisha wants some icecream!!'' that ctarl woman yelled while throwing open the door. ''You two should really be more patient.'' gilliam said, aboard the ship, Aisha charged in and threw all but 1 into the ships freezer. ''did you see the look on his face?'' she said laughing as she poped the lid to her first serving. ''Yeah, he just couldnt handle any of this!'' Hunter said feeling his arm muscles.''ppfffftt,you call that a muscle?Il show you the strength of the mighty Aisha!''(outlaw star ost1-desire, ends)

    Aisha set down her ice cream and flexed , hunter looked at her arm '' Dang. Your buff!'' Ashia smiled ''you better believe it, I won the universes strongest woman contest'' she got out a spoon and took a bite. Hunter blinked.'' So uuuhhh Hunter, thanks for paying for the icecream!'' ''If there is anything you guys need, I wont be far away.'' he said with the voice of Forest Gump. ''Hunter, why are you polite? you dont have to be nice here, just do what ever you want but dont steal any of my icecream or youl have some serouis Ctarl Ctarl trouble''. she took a bite of the frozen food''Im the one that keeps the order around here!'' The ctarl said

    ''Because you guys took me in, wait... WHY CANT I HAVE ANY ICECREAM? ''He replied. ''HEY! WHATS GOING ON!'' a video showed up on screen with hunters mom nerousvly yelling.''Where did my son go!'' ''Mom im right here! im fine.'' hunter said with a sudden serouis tone.''WHAT IS THAT ANIMAL!'' the parent said '' WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ANIMAL!'' Aisha yelled, the whole ship shook. ''Who is that! What is that!'' Hunters mom yelled ''Il Have you know I am Aisha Clan CLan of the Ctarl Ctarl!'' Aisha yelled ''Huh?'' The parent said back. ''Shes my new friend.mom...Im on another planet with some other friends to..'' Hunter said back annoyed. Aisha coverd her mouth trying not to laugh ''Look whos polite now.''in a joking tone.

    Hunters mom looked at him with a face of non belief ''Well.. atleast you got a girl in there.'' ''MOM!!WTF?!'' hunters face turned red with embarassment..''Hahaha!!''Aisha laughed The others came threw the door with more supplies. Gene bought a few boxes of ammunition, Jim got some parts for the ship. ''Uh,Hey!'' Gene said to the screen ''Where you guys taking my son?'' ''To um, uh..on a trip!'' Gene said nervously as he turned off the video. ''Shes going to real angery with us now, Gene'' Jim said ''I know, thats why I turned off the video feed.'' Gene had on his troll face, another video poped up on screen, A job offer!******************************************** *********************************part 2 theme********************************************* *********
    ''All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.''



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